look at "we"

I had lunch with friends today and Lauren picked me up after. On the way home she shared that she was about 8 or 10 army like tanks rolling down the highway.  Everybody just stopped and stared, she said.  We are not used to seeing that type of military activity in small town USA.  I suspect they were coming from Kentucky but who knows.  

Y'all know how I love animals and so does LP.  Rosie's crossed Siamese boyfriend is now offically getting fed and visited with.  

When I lived up on the hill by the airport I would hear lots of military helicopters delivering service people home.  Or training.  Or something!  The sound is distinctly different from Air Evacs, which also crossed over the house as part of their flight pattern to the local hospital to and from Jackson. 

I have always been against wars since Korea.  After that, they were all futile wars that dragged on forever and were used as a political football by both parties.  People thought it couldn't happen here but it did on 9/11 and we were totally unprepared.  The pilots of those planes all trained here in the US.  That takes a while and nobody noticed??  They had help from other countries, I feel sure.  And so will Iran.  Go get somebody else's bunker buster and leave us out of it.  I totally believe that Netan...whatever his name is, just started it KNOWING that he would take the bait.  As Belle would say "It's just a thought."

In dark times, I watch funny shit.  I wake up to Colbert.  Anjelah Johnson makes me howl.  All news and no laughs makes Jane a sad girl.  We certainly don't want that^j^

all the time

I used to only believe that He is good when things looked rosy.  Then when the hard times came I would be surprised.  Finally, at the age of 70, I can see His work in everyday miracles like I have witnessed lately.  He usually sends an angel at just the time that I need one.  During the busiest times of my life, I have taken the good things for granted, brushing by them as just "good fortune."  As they say: "When you know better, do better."   We are all sinners and that was the whole point of what Jesus did.  

Yesterday was Trinity Sunday at the UMC.  During visits with the Jehovah Witness folks I learned that they do not believe in the Holy Spirit so it's just God and Jesus and the kingdom.  The spirit has been with me too many times, through other people and/or events, for me not to believe that there is a trinity.  Father, son and holy ghost all working together.  Being with people as they have died helps me to believe in heaven because I felt spirits going to the other side with an escort hand picked for them.  A whole bunch of 'em!

It has rained everyday at least once for the past week.  The corn is sweating like crazy, which is something I've only recently learned about.  Let's say that Field of Dreams left that part out.  

I am not a boastful person at all.  That being said, I got real joy out of seeing those millions of protesters on Saturday while the scene was bleak in Washington.  Oh sure, the ones who took the trouble to go were mildly entertained but.....One of the podcasters that I listen to pointed out that the soldiers in the parade looked like their hearts just weren't in it, which I am sure is true.  No cadence or calls.  Just kind of shuffling along like "let's get this over with."  And I don't blame them.  I seriously believe that the whole thing was a big fat waste of taxpayer money during extremely hard times for us as a country.  MEANWHILE the Trump empire is now selling cell service.  O.M.G.  All this important stuff on the table like  civil unrest around the globe and orange man shows up at  G7 kissing Putin's butt.  It was embarrassing and I admire the Canadian PM for being as patient as he was.  Lerd.  It's always the blame game with he and his people.  I feel sure the other 6 are talking behind his back...lol.  They know it's not we the people that are causing the ruckus.  It's a common tactic to divide and  conquer.  Just saying.

For those of you who think that you are right about everything..guess what.  You are not.  I have many Republican friends who treat me with respect and listen to what I say without calling names.  And then there are the trolls whom I avoid discussion with.   Why can't we just agree to disagree?  When indoctrination of a certain mindset causes politically motivated murders, God ain't happy.  And, like Mama, if he ain't happy NOBODY is happy.  

Y'all look for the little miracles.  Leave room for the spirit to work.  And as always  keep the faith ^j^

joy in the morning

My friend Marsha shared that scripture about the Joy that cometh in the morning after all that weeping and gnashing of teeth.  And I have held onto that during the past couple of weeks when I get down.  Nothing is forever.  I think when God sees us going in the wrong direction He puts people on that path to intervene in some way.  Steady abiding love from friends and family can be sent as angels with a message.  I truly believe that.  

Last night I remembered, quite fondly, of all the time that I was with Ms. Joy in the mornings. We spent a whole bunch of time at that kitchen table out at Paradise.  Her life story is fascinating as I found out over the months we talked.  We rarely watched TV except for Kelly Clarkson.  We did happen to catch J6 live and I knew right then we were in deep shit.  We also sat on the deck a lot and counted turtles in the summer.  An entire family would load up on one log!  We always had Pearl with us.  Now, Pearl didn't like me at first because I was a newbie but we made peace and 

became buds.  Her younger brother the Huckster was usually gone with his Mama to work and whatnot.  We worked together at the hospital for many years before the days that nurses began doing case management.  She was a social worker and a lot more.

It has rained so much here, and it just keeps on coming.  Wheat harvest does not like that but.  what do you do.  You can't control the weather.  Big Ernie is covering that, though we did our part to contribute to climate destruction.  Just saying.

I'm'a not gonna' dwell on all the scary stuff today.  Just joy ^j^

king of the hill

Math has always been my worst subject both in school and in real life finance.  Budgeting is not my strong suit, to say the least.  But even I realize that we are wasting tons of money as a government on things that aren't helpful in a time of economic uncertainty.  The short list includes things like deployment of troops when they are not needed and a very expensive military parade  And that's only about 200 million of what is being wasted while the little people die on the vine out here.  

There will be no consequences for the elite few who want to pick and choose who is "legal" and who is not.  Life for them will go on as usual in the bubble.  But for the rest of us, we will struggle to afford basic needs like food and basic healthcare.  The beginning of the end of rural hospitals was probably about fifteen years ago.  When I first started watching Trae Crowder, the facility in his hometown of Cellina had closed impacting the community in a big way.  As resources are stretched due to funding cuts, more and more people will fall through the cracks of a broken healthcare system.  This did not happen overnight y'all.  

The firing of the entire vaccine advisory committee really got under my skin.  I have seen infectious disease up close and personal during my entire career and so much of it is preventable.  I realize that many people are anti-vaxxers and that is your right.  But it is not fire to stack that advisory council with people who believe that way.  At least do like the Supreme Court and have some dissenting opinion.  I'm surprised that big pharma has allowed it to get to this point, personally.  They have a lot of money at stake.  

Out here we call the cicadas "ree-a-rees" when they first crank up.  Last night I heard them while watching lightning bugs and told my Mama to listen.  It won't be long before I start seeing fall in the shadows like she did.  We would actually call and tell each other "I saw it today..." Of course it's still 100 in the shade when that happens but!

I spoke with an old friend today and got some spiritual advice for my journey.  There is a mantra now for me to use as daily inspiration.  Something simple like "remember who you are" or "trust the light."  And follow it ^j^

visible air

I am having to bigify things so that I can actually see what I'm writing.   The air is heavy and thick like it tends to be in the summer.  Wheat harvest b began today and there was some siding put on the front of the house.  It looks great!  I never did like those outside logs once they got repainted.  

I followed up with my PCP today and that was quick.  He does take the time to sit and chat though, sharing similarities because of our age.  He referred me to a mental health professional for

counseling and whatnot.  Baby steps, y'all.

Trying to shake off my social media addiction, i just walked the yard and pulled weeds.  That is great therapy!  My friends and family have been such a blessing.  We've been through a lot together as a family.  After the meltdown when I had time to think about what might have triggered all of the crazy, I remembered that I had totally missed grieving sweet Marilyn and Ms Reba and it came out sideways, as they say.  

I know better.  Having spent several years in therapy in my 30s I remember how good it felt to finally get a "diagnosis" of co-dependency thanks to Melodie Beattie and John Bradshaw.  Oh, and Scott Peck.  Part of my agenda is to re-connect with these ideals and those of others.  EK Ross too.  

A death is always hard, even if it's expected.  The grief process happens when we are ready to deal with it.  I feel thankful that it only took me three weeks to crash and burn on this last loss!  I struggle with letting go because of control issues.  A lot of people do.  I have found, though, that it  gets bigger and bigger until it turns into the ugly cry.  Sometimes for days.  

That's why it is so important to make each day matter.  God is at work in every little facet of our lives so why worry?  The Serenity Prayer expresses it perfectly.  God please grant me serenity ^j^

overkill

I was today years old when I learned what Posse Comitas is and I was kind of curious about that rule of law concerning deployment of our military against citizens.  As it turns out, all they can legally do is protect federal property.  I wonder why that wasn't an option on Jan 6.  Oh yeah.  I forgot those were PAID protesters hired by George Soros.  So say some people.  I can guarantee you that there are a few of those in California torching cars and whatnot.  The situation was way under control by state and local enforcement, yet "you know who" decided to kick off his birthday week by playing warrior.  These are peaceful protests for the most part.  There are some idiots, yeah.  But they're everywhere.  

Peaceful protest is the only way to go in order to save humanity.  Pouring gas on a fire like what happened in LA is how it all starts with militarization against dissenters.  The key is to keep it peaceful and not give anybody a reason to move on you.  Just sit down if you have to.  I remember Kent State all too well.  Yes, I am that old.  I never would have believed that could happen in this world yet look at us now.  If this ain't lookin' like Gilead, I don't know what does..  I dropped Hulu after the first several seasons but Lauren told me that, in the end, they mostly all get away and Aunt Lydia repents.  The kicker is that Gilead was only one of MANY  districts under his eye.  Scary shit.

So anywho, I got busy in the kitchen yesterday and cooked a delicious chicken enchilada casserole which is almost gone.  Great comfort food that's sort of like a marriage between chicken pot pie and poppy seed chicken..  Cooking is somewhat of a challenge because of my vision as there is no under the counter light.  The brighter the better!  Tomorrow the guy will be here to put siding over the front of the house so as to stop the wind coming in and out of the cracks.  I expect to see big savings on utilities.  Hopefully.  Who the heck knows anymore.  

The weather is heating up but the humidity is down so that's a nice change which goes on today's gratitude list.   So is a hilarious four way conversation with Lauren, Reaves and Kim.  The house is clean and we will keep it that way.  It pays to have a neat freak as a roommate.  

Y'all be careful out there.  The crazy is running rampant and it's time to act rather than react.  Peacefully and with purpose ^j^

  

not dead yet

Well kids, I had an interesting week to say the least.  I could feel it coming on and it turned into a full blown mental health crisis.  My kind providers were quick to get me admitted and treated, for which I am forever grateful.  From ER visit to discharge was, though not at all fun, it was bearable.  I learned pretty quickly that one particular drug I was given made me batshit crazy.  God bless the folks that didn't slap me.  

I have pretty much isolated since then tryng to get my head on straight.  As a true co-dependent I have always thrived on being involved with the lives of others.  Many times, to a fault.  Becoming aware that I was losing who I  really am was a gift that God worked out especially for me and my advocate.  There were some serious prayers going up and I felt them.  

I will ease back into the real world in time, but right now I am concentrating on myself for once.  There are emotions that have been buried for a very long time that keep popping out.  As time passes, I remember more and more things that were not properly felt and grieved.  It will take time and patience  and I am not big on the patience thing.

LP and I surprised Reaves with a visit yesterday and it was one big love fest.   She did gymnastics on the couch forever and is quite good.  Soon there will be lessons, and she'll be a natural.  I was outside and saw Lucy the dog chewing on something but I couldn't tell what it was.  Turns out it was a TURTLE!  We took little dude away and marked the spot with some leaves over him.  Before we left, he had moved out from under the branch    We whooped and hollered  for the guy who beat the odds.  I wish more of life were like that.

Please keep the faith along with me ^j^