all in a day off

We had overnight rain and I didn't get out of the bed until right after the sun came out about 9. I had to run to the dolla' gentral for something to do laundry with and picked up a discount sausage and biscuit from Rachel at the gas station across the road. After 10 they go down to 50cent so I bought two. Lunch was a chicken leg from yet another gas station in between picking up mom's laundry and a work meeting. I did manage to get up a few pics of things for sale so that we can attempt to stay solvent. The next three weeks will be a real challenge in budgeting, if you know what I mean. Most of this stuff in the office has been sitting here since last summer except for the few pieces that got shoved up in the attic. Now that Shannah's room is empty we'll fill it with treasures for pickers.

Mom survived her bad travel day and looked pretty content when I stopped by. Her sister-in-law Kaffy was sitting next to her sharing plans about her trip to the granddaughter's wedding. The window bed is occupied by a quiet sort of lady who didn't seem much interested in meeting me so I left it at that. While Mama was in Martin she was in a pod of 3 beds with a woman who required around the clock sitters just to keep her in the bed and at one point on Sunday there were about 15 family members up in there partying with Auntie. That's when she, Louise and Steve vacated to the lobby for a spell. When you get that many bodies up in a room it tends to stink up in a hurry.

I did indeed have a visitor today and we sat on the porch listening to nature and generally just being. That was right after two cop cars went racing down the road toward the neighbor's house. Mom and kids left about ten minutes later and he went by cab some time later. Not.A.Clue and don't give a damn. Let's just say my brother has required a wingman to get the exodus in process. I know they can't help it but crap! Their residence in that historic house was my daddy's last official act as farm manager and we all know how long ago that's been. His comment to me was "he's a dandy!" Indeed. Tomorrow will be a long one with many challenges one of which is arrogance personified. Y'all pray for me on that one, umkay? My friend Kimberly Jaine got stuck in the middle of her own drama last night when some guy two houses down went postal with a shotgun and did a 17 hour standoff with the law. This brave heroine of mine went outside with her phone and did a documentary of the whole thing! Her dog is needing some Xanax right about now, BTW. I bet she does too.

Keep the faith kids ^j^

like donkey kong

I had a work assignment today that involved being at another site where healthcare professionals gather. As days go, it was much easier than the majority of the others that I've spent at that particular location. There must be mold up in there because I was sneezing and coughing like all get out, or maybe it was just the lack of air in my cubicle. I could probably still blame it on the GMO corn even though it rained quite a bit with more on the way. I feel sure it's acid rain, or at least purple. Mom caught a ride on an EMS truck from Martin back to the 'burg this morning and is Not.Happy at the moment. She is worn out with this day, so to speak. Hopefully the nice nurses will dose her up because there ain't no talking her out of that mood. This is where we see if she really wants to get up and go. If not, the alternative ain't so bad. We'll find her a little bell like Gaga had to ring when she needs something. The sad thing is with her? You can never do it right. Live and learn Poops...live and learn. At this point we're on a wing and a prayer with no benzos on board for Memaw. I hate it when that happens.

I have a kinda' sorta' day off tomorrow where I can sleep in and do what I want to while waiting until mid-afternoon for a random mandatory meeting two weeks after the last one. I'm pretty broke so I reckon I'll be there with bells because 14cents is a lot of incentive to conform and work harder, thus proving forevermore that people don't go into healthcare for the $$. They do it to help people who are sick and dying like with that do no harm mantra. Well, sometimes. The sad thing is that most folks enter the palliative care system somewhere in their life and have been misled to believe that one can live forever. Those of us who have seen how it works will claim a different end for ourselves. Both of my brothers have asked me to off them when they get to that point and I will oblige. The FBI will be busy investigating ISIS and Obama's heritage.

The highlight of my day was a couple of hugs from my favorite breast cancer patient on graduation day from radiation. Me and her parents go way back and I was her advocate when that last baby girl got born and all kinds of issues popped up. This week is a bye for class because of fall break so I'll just do some homework while waiting for the mandatory meeting. My friend said he might be by in the morning so we'll see how that goes. This is the boy scout who drove 180 miles round trip to see my face on more than one occasion. We all need friends like that, ya know?

So, with sketchy finances it looks like a weekend sale is on and I can totally just invite selected pickers and say to hell with putting shit on tables in the front yard. They all know I have four dogs and a cat and the place is a mess, but moving toward much less of one. You can't take it with you.

Grace~

roll tide

With all due respect to my Alabama friends like Nita, Ole Miss definitely deserves to be kicking some ass in the grove during football season, right Sally? For years their players were the class eff-ups in a school known for its' Southern tradition, charm and heavy drinking...preferably bourbon. I found a pin that read "Archie Who?" from my high school years and gifted one of the pathologists with it. He was a cute one that worried about my being so liberal all the time. To say that we disagreed on everything right and left is an understatement. Rather than being obnoxious like my blog trolls, he just looked at me like "poor thing."

I'm on a sawmill roll for the duration I reckon. My phone rang late last night and it was none other than MLou telling me about a "situation." When I turned up this morning I found that she and many others were keeping a watchful eye over it and handed it to us for the day. There was much updating and such and in the end that situation turned quite a bit better which is totally what I love about healthcare. When you truly understand a disease process it makes a world of difference. I have talked to folks in three different cities today and we're all in it together. Furthermore, I will use this opportunity to observe real teamwork in action to make a difference for somebody else and give credit where it is due. Or not. You can't mandate that kind of teamwork.

So other than SEC upsets, life is rolling along without me trying to control anything which is much less stressful. I'm about to figure out my new routine of stopping to think before reacting and it's working well. When I consider all the years that I had hissy fits over the least little thing I could just kick me in the ass. Except for that bad right hip ya know. This is the day that the Lord has made, each and every one of them. Keep the faith ^j^

family tradition

I'm laying the groundwork for a lot of ideas and leaving room for the spirit to work as Mr. Yates would say. I spoke with a nurse today who is a co-worker of my cousin Sandy and we got into a long conversation about the history and current status of all my relatives. Talk about depressing! The thing that struck me was how intently she paid attention to every detail responding with another question to help me fill in the gaps on my family tree. Gaga had this painting of an apple tree with everybody's name on the fruit and the only one laying on the ground was my uncle who died at 36. Her husband died at 45 from heart disease and she never remarried. Terri and I talked about my aunt, since she knew her from doing business at the frame shop. I had totally forgotten about that chapter until she brought it up. Nancy and Debbie did that biz together and passed it back and forth. Both of them had the extreme OCD personality required to make a perfect frame. Auntie's last piece was BG's graduation stuff from UTM. Iris and Bob had the store by then and now some other guy who drives a hog is selling high priced photography AND high priced frames right next to the tattoo shop off court square. I'm just wondering which CEO has that kind of money to spare.

The memories that are shared with friends and family are something unique to each of us and help us to tweak the definition of who we are in the whole scheme of things. BG and I were having an emergency budget meeting at the ovalround table a little while ago and I found myself in tears describing how I feel about my parents being so dependent. Mama has cried to me over the years about being impatient with Geraldine during the last years and I have to say I think she was justified. G Inez could be quite demanding and melodramatic on occasion and obviously loved being waited on like my own mother. But...here's the thing. My mother is much sweeter about the whole deal resulting in tons of co-dependent meltdowns. About the only time I ever saw Gaga cry was when she spoke of Harold and how all the money from his hard work was gone. My friend Kay the undertaker is about to be involved with a business move that has taken a long time to accomplish. The history of Curry Funeral Home is awesome and I will never forget the day Bubba and I went all the way up top looking through death records for farm history. There were birds in there..for real! Kay and I played there as kids, not realizing that the business of putting one under was so serious. Great place for scary bunking parties, I'm just saying. Ms. Ann, God rest her soul, paid for my divorce following her death. Y'all figure THAT one out.

For about a year now I've felt my right hip popping out of joint unexpectedly to where I have to straighten up and walk right. This is probably Big E's way of reminding me that if I don't use it I'll lose it. Everybody thinks I look thin but my weight hasn't changed since before surgery. It was just a damn harrowing time, if you'll excuse my French. I'm trying not to "think too much" and just roll with it because at this point things look pretty hopeless on several different levels. I'll not bore with details because it's history as of this day. I feel the prayers and karma and I'm trying really hard to get out there and make things happen for myself. Sometimes? All that's required to move forward is slowing down long enough for an honest conversation.

^j^

seriously cute

One of the perks of having Shannah in the fam is that she is quite a gifted hairstylist and has crafted "my" cut which she has re-created several times. The very first time she cut it she was pregnant as a cow with Boogs and her belly kept getting in the way. I spend *zero* time gettin' my ready on so it's nice to have a wash and wear hairstyle. If it gets too long it always ends up in a clip or band which is not attractive for hair as thin as mine. Alas, I don't remember the last time I wore makeup which is probably why I'm the crazy dog lady instead of Sugardaddy's favorite girl. I'm the one they're talking about when you hear the phrase "but...she has a good personality." I would probably feel better about myself if I did take the time to fix up a bit and that's something I'm going to try. It certainly can't hurt, ya' know?

There was a tornado warning last night but I didn't know it until I saw the alert on my phone this morning. I did see lightning and rain and heard thunder but that was about it. Me and the dogs just rolled over and slept some more. The sun was out this morning but now it's cloudy and breezy as the front eases on through. I'm off before a sawmill weekend and enjoying a lazy day without illness or case management. The office is a mess and the clothes are piled high beside the washer so there's that to intrude on my serenity but perhaps I can knock out a few chores in between posts. I've chatted with my teacher about having his business install some RAM on this ancient Dell because I'm depending on it to get me through the projects I have lined up. Lori aka Risible Girl sent me a Thinkpad some time ago but my eyesight is going so it's sort of little for actual production. It did, however, keep me occupied during all the times I was down on the desktop. It even has Win7 and Word!

Here's a fun filled fact that you may or may not know. Dogs love pecans! Booger was up here with me yesterday dropping them on the floor which is totally where they stayed and all morning I've heard the cracking sound of the canines having a breakfast of nuts in the shell. It's probably not the meat they're after...just something bite size to chomp on. There are one or two trees that have a crop but nothing like last year. #Ebolageddon is in full freak out mode and I'm just shaking my head at one more thing to be hysterical about. It's the perfect Fox news story since Congress is on the campaign trail/vacation.

Mom is due to return to the 'burg on Monday and it's all lined up. I'd like to give a big shoutout to the local EMS for being so helpful in arranging transport. That type of call is something just as important to the public as responding to a wreck or fall. Thank you Sam and Chad!! Not only did they refund the money from her first trip because insurance payment was arranged, but they're doing it for this one too. Great team work. That's it for me. These piles of shit aren't going anywhere unless I get off my bum and do something productive. Or not. Keep the faith ^j^

stuck on you

There is a sudden departure going on at the sawmill and today was the finale for our favorite.boss.ever. and his trusty sidekick who will make her last round tomorrow. Together they have cut more tissue than you can imagine and diagnosed thousands of cases of cancers and other could-be-fatal diseases. I remember one time I was headed out for a weekend at KY lake to visit my cousin and got a random phone call from my old friend Kay. She ended up in surgery that night with a huge but nicely contained tumor in her colon after consulting with the best surgeon I've ever known, hands down. Never ignore a bowel blockage. I came up to visit her during the next procedure and brought my friend who did the second pass on those nodes. He was not amused. My favorite memory involves a certain native born Brit who married a WWII dude and ended up here with thrombocytosis which usually precedes leukemia. Eventually the bone marrow just plays out what with all the displacement by blood cells on crack. So, how about that Ebolageddon? We got our first lesson on Ebola preparedness today and I had to chuckle at the nurse who didn't connect a trip to Liberia with the patient's symptoms. I guess she was busy trying to find herself. Or maybe it was a guy. Nothing tickles me more than seeing men in the healthcare sector who aren't bossing others around.

We have thunder (finally) and possible severe which brought to mind my favorite tornado story. My brother and his wife both were reporters with stations in the Memphis market and I was just kind of hanging out and not watching the radar during that particular spring storm. One of them called to let me know the twister was headed for Pecan Lane and the first thing I did was try to open the damn back door to see it. Pitch black...sirens sounding and I couldn't pull that door open for anything. About that time the lights went out and I realized it was a real thing. We never went to the basement but struck out instead in the trusty old Camry for town, crossing under downed power lines and dodging trees on the road. That one tore the roof off of Polyone and damaged the high school after it killed a guy at the shady motel and ravaged the golf course. Before we knew it, the city was out there planting more trees.

I had a couple of random blessings today which is something I totally love. My salsa sister and talented jeweler showed up and gave me a big hug while telling me how much she enjoys my blog. I stopped by the loan shark's office and was about 50cent shy of my payment so a former sawmill co-worker helped a girl out. She remembered a time that it was payday eve and she had no cash so I loaned her a dolla'. How's that for karma? Shannah Boogs and TT are on the way to hit up the dollar menu at Sonic so we can all settle down and prepare for the worst weatherwise. I can't tell you how many times I've slept through the storm.

The rain has started and the dust will settle. Keep the faith ^j^

smacking the wall

Yesterday was a long one and I made it through most of class before the stomach bug hit me like a freight train. I had to give my regrets and scurry on back toward the lane. In between trips to the potty I talked to my mama long enough to hear that she is afraid to go home right when she is discharged. She made that choice on her own and after much soul searching, I give up. We have known for five years that it's not a safe environment for the two of them, especially with her disabilities. This last accident took away a lot of choice in the matter and it's not in our hands anymore. Typical for her, she spent fifteen minutes apologizing for undoing all of our arrangements to get her home and I had to reassure her that it's not a big thing. I'm just proud of her for finally MAKING a decision on her own. After that, the bug just got worse. I am out of moves and that seems to be where I end up every time I try to handle too many things at once. Nothing gets done right, and I'm constantly scrambling to put out the next fire. This is not a good way to be, by any means. I thought I was doing okay with the whole multi-issue drama but obviously I'm not and I honestly don't know what to do. That's when you punt, I reckon.

Big Ernie is trying to teach me something though I'm not real sure what it is at the moment. Self preservation perhaps? Being pulled in so many different directions is like having multiple personalities or something and very stressful. I try to stay centered and focused but there is no peace most of the time except in small moments when I just pretend that nothing exists but me and my ragged little soul. If I were a dog, I'd steady be licking my wounds. Last week I turned up for a grueling day sickly and still not well in the shoulder. I thought that I'd never see the end of it. In the old days I could push like that. Now, not so much. At almost 60 I'm a stroke waiting to happen if things don't ease up. Y'all pray for me on that one.

I really don't know who I am anymore because of the many different hats I'm wearing. Self awareness comes in fits and starts at just the right intervals to rally my spirit for the next few hours/days/other shoe dropping. Oddly enough, I've always been an optimist until this point in life. Now, meh. I could be the poster girl for good intentions gone terribly wrong and usually hurt myself in the process. It's time to re-visit that old recovery story about walking around the hole instead of falling into it.

So I know that you are all spiritual types in some form or fashion and pretty much know what's going on by reading between the lines of my daily ramblings. What I need right now is support, and lots of it. Prayers~Karma~Manifestation etc, I'm placing it all in the hands of one much bigger than me and those of you who care. Keep the faith ^j^