*needs a vacation*

Hmmm. So where was I before all hell broke loose? Oh yeah..looking for a sugardaddy with a decent ride to the beach who isn't a serial killer or married, or both. Tuesday night was my first night to just kind of go to sleep and not worry about mama dying on us. Me and Sam tucked in early and went smooth to the moon in about 30 minutes. Normally when we pass out, the rest of the dogs give it up and find a warm spot. They all woke up about 2AM barking to high heaven at some figure in the front door. Turns out it was the neighbor lady wife of our bi-polar buddy down the road wanting to use my phone to call her own mama. Her daddy got a two month warning on the big C that day and she was scared to death. Asked me to take her about ten miles to her parents house and I declined but offered her a ride to her house. This poor girl was shivering from walking that quarter mile in her PJs. We loaded up in the poor old Camry and headed that way only to find hub near my driveway looking for her. He hopped in the car and I dropped them both off but not before hearing him talking on his OWN phone. Supposedly her minutes ran out while her mom was sharing the news. I asked her how he could be connected when she had no minutes and smartass replied "Verizon plan." Kiss my butt you evil one. There's a special place in hell for people like you.

Mama's much better, thankyouverymuch. She doesn't really remember how she got from there to where she is, but she knows us and is resting well. Those dehydration hallucinations are some scary shit, ya'll. I saw the best and the worst of how the healthcare system works for elders up close and personal. By the time her doctor sent her back to ER twenty four hours post discharge she was still hallucinating and preaching to the choir. Following admission she ranted for a day, slept for two days and got her brain tested. Nothing remarkable there, was the word I got. Electrolytes normal? Check. Fortunately she got discharged right about the time that I got off and BG scooped everybody up for the transfer, in the trusty old Camry of course, collision film still flapping in the cold wind. We are right back where we started, only in much better shape which is a blessing.

I have seen a softening of my daddy's resolve to have his own way during this time and that is a very healing experience for me personally. Mama has deferred to his temper and stubborn ways for so long that it's second nature for her to bring up his miserable childhood as a sharecropper's son in defense. "People can learn to love, you know." That was my reply. Honestly I don't think daddy knew what to do with me because I'm a girl and didn't start taking on his farmer ways until I was forty something. He knows he can count on us though, and so does mama.

All during the time that I've been with my parents on their various journeys on Medicare and BCBS the people that I notice are the ones who make an extra effort to be nice and tell me what's up. There's nothing that will make caregivers stand up straight more than a family member up in the house. Just saying. Unfortunately that is the present and future of healthcare. Baby Boomers are aging and there's a whole shitload of us to care for. My solemn prayer is for someone to treat me the way I have treated others during my career. Please don't give me a bitch nympho alcoholic nurse.

Hat tip to all of my associates at the sawmill. You done good ^j^

out of the ethers

My friend Lorna and I talk sometimes about that feeling when you can just lose touch with reality and roll with the moment. Not that gardening is on anybody's mind what with the blizzards still roaming and cold weather seemingly stuck in neutral. Hey...you can always dream. Following years of protecting and supporting the tradition that is Lake county she has finally found a market for her talent. Probably doesn't have a damn thing to do with the price of food, ya think? When that salt water started backing up into the Big Muddy we both had a hissy fit. To all of the corporates who have dumped toxic waste into that natural resource, shame on you. Got some pics today from my canoe guy friend shot at dawn. It doesn't get much more real than that ya'll.

Mama is finally a bit better, though not out of the woods by any means. She knows us now but doesn't have a clue what happened to the last week. I don't either, by the way. I mean I do but it's all a blur. Missing one long sleep takes a week to catch up from. She's everybody's favorite grandma up in there which is a good thing to be when you're in the hospital at the mercy of a bunch of young overworked nurses. Just saying. It's an amazing feeling just to know that they know me and our family. One old friend from their volunteer years walked with me down to her room this afternoon and she properly identified both of us so I'm thinking I might sleep well tonight. Or not. Whatever ya'll. We're trying to do the right thing and it takes a village.

Miss Lula is going home from the nursing home tomorrow. I'm working the next four days because company policy prohibits using maxed out sick time to care for a family member unless they are in your residence for at least six months. As a smartass southern gal, my tendency is to say "how niice." So much for loyalty. My brother shared with me that our county commissioners know now that they made a mistake selling our county owned facility in a big fish little fish kind of way to be gobbled up by the highest bidder in a heated decision between two denominations that use church names as part of their logo. Tags? Methodist Healthcare. Baptist Memorial Healthcare. That's only two of the non for profit giants in the West Tennessee area. From what I hear, Catholic providers are usually right up there with 'em. Jesus wouldn't like that, and neither does my mama.

I'll keep ya'll posted on the state of our village as best I can. Daddy's doing well at home with Ms. Faye cooking lunch and cleaning a bit. Seems that mama was the one making all the mess *heh* Daddy is a typical guy...give him food and let him watch TV and it's all good. Maybe someday I'll learn to just let that be a given.

^j^

the long way home

Since I have last blogged anything beyond shit hittin' the fan in our usual fashion we've had more than our share of bad luck. I suppose it began the week after Debbie's funeral when, one by one our electronics began to give up the ghost. First it was the TV, then the computer monitor. About that time the screen on BG's phone went blank and mine failed to hold a charge long enough to carry on the extended conversations that were being held with friends and family about mama's medical condition. What we assumed would be a quick tune up in the hospital with an extended stay in a skilled nursing facility turned into a nightmarish readmission due to a low Mg level and a-fib. That was pretty much an express admission considering she was just released so here we go to a different room on a different floor to spend the night. It took about three hours of me saying "shhh" a million times and some IV ativan to finally knock her out. Right about the time I would normally be reporting for work, I wandered down to the sawmill to catch a ride home with my graveyard shift buddy. On the way up Pecan Lane we talked about where the honey holes are to fish on this place. Summer's coming.

Oh, and get this. Late yesterday afternoon we were finally home and attempting to regroup and wait on the test results to see what was up, a big clap of thunder and lightning knocked out our power. To my name, I have one tiny LED flashlight about 2inches in diameter and that's how we sat and ate gas station chicken discussing the day(s). We got BG a new phone, but both of them were dead and there we sat in the dark not knowing how long we'd be listening to the rain pelt outside the window. The lights came back on just in time for us to load up and meet the ambulance in the monsoon like downpour. Meh. A bit fat thank you to all who have prayed, called, commented or just sent good vibes because Lord knows we need it right now! Daddy is doing well with her being gone, but probably doesn't realize that things will never be the same again. Or maybe he does. He sure did have big tears in his eyes.

Anyhoo..that's about all I know except that the puppies are about to be relocated under the porch where they can scamper in the flower beds until we find them permanent homes. Which I sincerely hope is soon because dog food is more than people food these days!

Over and out. Keepin' the faith^j^

'tween then and now

Long story short is that the past two weeks have been enough to kill a much less smart and tough ass than my humble self. Mama went to the hospital last week and got admitted to a skilled NF yesterday. Something told me I might need to day off so TinaBelle offered to swap a day with me so we could TCB. About noon yesterday she began to rant on everybody and everything she has ever served or tried to influence. One of the ministries of our local UMC is homebound communion service delivered by volunteers following the blessing of those sacraments at the altar. I called the church today to see if there was a minister available but they were all out of town. Even hit up the Halls/Lebanon circuit.

Mama's roommate is Miss Lula who just had a hip replacement and is doing fine. BG flew to Subway to get Lula a chicken sammich with all the trimmings. Mostly it's been a long day what with mama communicating with her childhood friends and deceased family members. Since yesterday, she's not recognized anybody except her beloved L.P so far. There was a very serious but impromptu medical conference this afternoon concerning end of life care and options. Time will tell. Mom has been telling anybody and everybody what's on her mind which is good therapy for a habitual nice girl. The activities director cornered me with the 1-5 chart on how important everything is in her little world. At this point, I'd say nothing but an audience.

Daddy's kinda pitiful and I saw him cry for time # 3 today when she didn't know who he is. I'm thinking there's another bro headed this way so that we can experience our reality. Fortunately for me, my co-workers care enough for me to cover a couple of days for us to see what's up. Before I went to the nursing home this morning, we headed toward Roellen to pick up a friend for group. Cute as as a bug ya'll. BG and I spent a large part of this day with mama, helping her to have comfy jammies and know that she's loved. Both of us crawled up in her bed at one point. Miss Faye brought Daddy this morning when she was so upset and ranting like a maniac. We prayed together, all of our hands stacked on top of each other on her chest. Faith in healing.

Leave room for the spirit to work ^j^

eyes barely open

Okay then. The puppies will be two weeks old tomorrow and have opened their widdle bitty eyes to this big old world and are crawling around like crazy on wobbly legs. So freakin' cute! HOWEVER...our budget is already stretched so thin you can see through it so they must find homes. Soon. There will be pictures and lots of puppy pimping up here on the hill. If all else fails I'll drive to no kill shelters in our area and farm them out. BG wants to keep one she's named Lola but I dunno. That would put us back at four and it's been kind of nice with a smaller herd. We shall see. Next on the agenda is a spay for Ryder and for Lola if she stays. I'm gonna need a sugardaddy just to pay for my dogs!

Our TV is one of those old school models that has a big screen BUT weighs 200 lbs. It has only been moved once and there were almost injuries. Night before last said dinosaur of electronics gave up the ghost and called it quits. I bought it for 75 bucks from my cousin five years ago so I've definitely gotten my $$ worth out of it. I could have used the "divorce" TV that came from my friend's garage when I lost custody of mine. However, I got tired of looking at it sitting around so it's in the junk pile out back. Warm weather will give us an opportunity to finally clean it up after years of scrapping and earth moving. My yard will shrink a little to allow for a few extra rows of beans which is totally fine. I am finally to the point that caring for a big yard is a chore and not a pleasure. That's sad too, because it's always been a passion for me. One summer, post divorce, I cut the whole two acres with a push mower and never got completely done until first frost. Stayed pretty thin though!

Ya'll bear with me on this one because I don't mean to be disrespectful but sometimes you just have to laugh about it. Mom called me yesterday wanting to know how much a laptop or tablet would cost. Seeing as how she's blind and all I asked why. "For your daddy" she said. I about lost it right there ya'll. This is a man who has killed multiple cell phones jamming the chargers in ass backwards. He has very little patience with anything other than watching Gunsmoke so I said I didn't think he could manage it. "But he misses that sooo much and it would give him something to keep him occupied." Oh, lordy. She remembers back to the time when they were both online in the early days of dialup. He did ancestry stuff and she made cards. They both faithfully listened to my baby brother's weather forecast. It seems like a hundred years ago that they were independent and thriving. Caring for them has given me a new perspective on how I will act when the time comes to hand over my life.

With Debbie still on my mind, I just remembered my favorite memory ever when she took me to see Phantom at The Grand in St.Louis. Jimbo had just died and we had two boys with us when the snowstorm commenced and I begged her to pull over and spend the night. What fun we had,lol. Among the kids was their exchange student, of which they had several. My least favorite was a spoiled rotten ass from Russia who spent all his money on Levis. She chastised me for not remembering that her youngest was at home with his daddy.

I didn't have time to check the weather yet but somebody at work said "snow" and I cringed. The funny thing about hospitals and snow is this, though. When the weather is nasty bad, you find out who REALLY needs medical attention. The revolving door people stay home at home doing whatever they do when they're not visiting us taking up valuable time and resources to feed an addiction. That is true of every hospital in America and the only way out of the dilemma is to cut it off where it starts....at the doctor's office. A lot of futile end of life care could be avoided by honest conversations too but physicians are afraid to tell patients and families that there's nothing more to be done humanely. Do no harm, ya'll.

Happy Fat Tuesday and a very reflective Lenten season to you and yours ^j^

many layers

That could be lasagna or cakes or personal issues right off the top of my head. Which is what my layers are about right now. Debbie and I have rarely gone more than a week without talking to each other and I'm already itching to pick up the phone and call her. We talked the afternoon before she died and I probably won't delete that call for a while. I am just now free to let the tears flow and let go of the pain what with all the hauling and running thus far. Mom skipped church because of a predicted monsoon (which happened, by the way) around church time. That didn't stop the rest of the SS class from getting out, mind you. There they all came while we sat in the middle of the tiny dining room doing what we always do, out of habit. They don't even have to ask what we want. I ran into a good friend who manages the firearms at the local wallyworld and she had been at work. Said she gets overtime for putting out Valentine stuff. I would take it girl! Pills are counted, eggs consumed and light turned on the flag..in the rain. It's odd how daddy's light on the flag ritual goes because it's usually off at night when you would think it should be on? I don't ask. He argued with me today about what time mom got home from the funeral so I finally just gave in and said "fine." Never argue with an ornery old man by the last name of Stafford. You will not win.

I feel the spirit of a tough woman on my back now which is a good reason to look forward and believe in good things. Spring is coming, and we'll walk the yard together looking at what's coming up. She will kick my ass when I try to be a titty baby and give up, because she never did. As drained as I am now, all it will take is a couple of good nights' sleep and resurrection of my inner DGR. Watching the four generations of our family mix and mingle has been a blessing. It's nothing unless there are kids around, ya know? They are the future, bless their hearts. It won't be easy and simple like it was for us. And it's all Dubya's fault. When Hillary is elected Deb and I will have a toddy together as well. I can't believe we spent ten years discussing that shit on a phone!

In the words of the great Billy Yates..."This too shall pass. Leave room for the spirit to work." Amen, ya'll

the family way

As sad as it is true, most families don't ever really all get together unless there's a funeral. I have a pair of black pants that are 20 years reserved for those occasions. This morning found me searching for the iron (never did find it) and donning the black pants again, this time with a tiger print sweater, also old. By the time mama got dressed and we made it to Newbern, visitation was in full swing. Got more hugs in two hours than I've had in a year's tme. Mom and I sat with Deb's husband Ronnie who had come in this morning and had to leave shortly thereafter. Deb's grandchildren were running around winning hearts and behaved like perfect gentlemen. The music was done beautifully by Mo's youngest, the only one who really got the Godsey music gene. Aunt Granny taught him as a child to play piano, just like she did me. Only he's MUCH better! Debbie always laughed when she talked about the theme from Exodus being the only piece I ever mastered. Uncle Jim taught me too, and my lessons were in the morning before school before I was even awake good.

I pray that she knows how many people loved her and the spirit that she shared with everybody that was a part of her life. I saw in-laws and outlaws and a lot of long lost cousins. Her body was donated for research so there was no coffin and that was weird but cool in its' own way. Her preacher from KY came down and it was obvious during the first prayer why she was so crazy about him. Never much of a church kind of gal, she was drawn to the charisma and friendship of he and his wife who told a story today about Deb's 50th birthday. All the girls loaded up and went to pick her for a McDonald's trip to celebrate. Only they had on their housecoats and slippers and curlers in the hair. And then they made her pay for her food in pennies!

Everybody is sick which is typical for February. So are the various types of buttercups or whatever your neck of the woods calls them. To me personally they are the ultimate happy flower coming soon after snowdrops and along with crocus. Next should be quince. Pics at eleven.

^j^