grief

In my experience, we are all in various states of grief.  And I'm not just talking about dead people.  Any life or relationship change can result in feelings of loss and or abandonment.  I was crazy as a goose the first year after I retired from healthcare.  My relationships have morphed and changed until I know who my true friends are and those who pretend to be. My relationship with my granddaughter has turned into collateral damage based on the fact that grandparents have no rights.  And I'm not referring to my daughter.  

I am exhausted on so many levels.  The only thing that saves me is my faith.  I saw Sylvester at Casey's today doing his usual thing.  Sweeping up parking lots and floors.  He rides a bicycle and has a whole bunch of rags on his head.  Sweet as pie.  It made me more resilient, I think, to call this man a friend because he is a good person and reminds me a bit of Jesus.  But then a lot of people do on the road to Emmaus ^j^ 

people are crazy, and sometimes mean

Mamye and I were out doing our errands on this beautiful sunny Saturday with no wind.  I reckon the nice weather prompted everybody and their brother to hit the road and show their ass.  On Hwy 51 some fool in a large SUV was in such a hurry to get somewhere that he was weaving in and out of lanes about to cause a wreck.  When we pulled up at the light Mamye gave him "the look."  He replied with "What are you looking at??"  She said "You!"  I figured we would have a case of road rage coming on  but he turned off somewhere right past the light.  *sigh of relief*  One thing about getting older is that you don't give a crap and call people out.  Not the smartest thing to do, but....

Hippies is located in a corner of a very large lot where vendors set up and sell things like snow scoops and used bathing suits.  I kid you not.  Anywho, Casey has a big problem with access to her business on the days that all the flea market people are out and about.  The lot is full of cars parked every which a way and crowds of people.  This is good for business, but not when the shoppers park right smack in front of the business.  One grumpy old guy was pulling in next to us when I waved him away because I assumed he was another gawker.  He pulled up, we had a convo and I explained the parking situation for my friend.  He told me he was coming to get a cheeseburger but I pissed him off enough that he just drove off.  I apologized for the error but he wouldn't have it.  When I told Casey I ran off one of her customers she said "He'll be back" and laughed it off.  For the record, I seriously doubted the cheeseburger story.  If you don't have somebody riding shotgun when you go up in that place on a weekend, you're liable to hit a vehicle, table full of crap, or a person.  We had to ask two that were standing behind my car to please move.  I did manage to snag two old windows for 5 bucks just like the ones I used to sell for 10 or 15 while we were waiting for our food. Never managed to keep one for myself.

Mayberry and his crew came and went while I was gone so my yard is officially mowed for the first time this year.  Looks nice too!  I think I prematurely asked Bubba to cut off the gas logs because it was mighty chilly up in here this morning.  I went for a short walk just to warm up and now it's quite pleasant.  By end of day, I'll probably have the AC on.  West Tennessee spring for sure.

Y'all just don't be mean.  Consider the feelings of others and accept apologies when offered.  And don't be a fool on the highway.  You might just kill somebody's grandma ^j^

throwing chairs

I will be the first to admit that I didn't know Morgan Wallen from a hole in the ground until he acted out from that rooftop bar in Nashville.  Dude...that will kill your base in a heartbeat.  Drunken theatrics are not what people expect when they pay hundreds of dollars for a ticket.  Ask your grandma.  He's not the first and certainly won't be the last.  There is something about being a superstar that makes artists think they can do anything and get away with it.

Today was busy as usual.  I managed to get some flowers planted up front and I'm about done with all that. Just waiting to see what comes back from last year.  I could not find purple coneflower anywhere I went. 

I had a little taste of what it's like to be waterboarded when I fell in the shower last night.  I could just see the headlines : Old lady falls down and drowns in the shower.  I did manage to get up and in the bed but my ribs are super sore.  I think I need a shower chair.  

Y'all be peaceful and blessed.  My supper tonight is a plate from Hippies full of roast beef, carrots, mashed 'taters and cornbread.  Plus lemon cake.  You can't beat that with a stick ^j^

 

cleanin' out the in box

I got home unusually early from my daily rounds and I've been doing things like planning bills and emptying emails one page at a time.  631 of them at last count.  I used to be really good about staying on top of that life happens and you get a bit behind.  My girls and I spent a few hours together on Saturday and I treasure that time.  Reaves is wild and sassy, inquisitive and smart.  We have real conversations now between the two of us when she settles down enough to discuss life.  It dawned on me during yesterday's eclipse that the last one I saw was when Lauren was pregnant and Lorna and I went to Grubb's Grocery for free glasses and a peek at the solar madness.  We didn't last long in that crowd!

My paternal grandmother Lottie always had a coleus bed at her home on Pate Street.  I have never planted them but my friend Carol tempted me so I went to Stanfields and for four plus basil.  It is rainy today so I'll hold off on the planting until the front passes which will probably be Friday.  Strong storms ahead.  April showers bring May flowers and all that.  

Politically speaking, I keep hearing the same question over and over again.  "Are you better off than you were four years ago?"  IMHO the price of fuel has nothing to do with who is POTUS.  It is all controlled by oil producing companies and distributors who play with prices because they can.  Financially?  Yes I am better off because of COLA raises for SS.  Which many people call entitlements.  That is a total lie because I worked my ass off for 50 years to pay for that benefit plus Medicare.  I do not begrudge those who are using programs that are a safety net for the poor and underinsured.  There were the same such dilemmas back in Jesus' day but He did urge us to take care of the least of these.  Are there people who take advantage of that?  Of course.  Compare and contrast that to the tax cuts for the absurdly wealthy.  

One of the most rewarding things that I help with is packing bags of non-perishable food at our church that are distributed weekly.  I think about the fast food that I eat and imagine living on spam and saltines and beanie weenies.  Kind of makes you humble.  

Y'all be careful and humble and grateful.  It makes life so much more joyful ^j^

plan ahead

Both of my brothers are really good at that yet, me the one who went to college  is a simpleton.  I do not have common sense many times, especially when it comes to complicated things.  Like a fireplace or a TV.  Without this laptop and my phone I am lost.  The TV was a giant gift from some friends years ago.  It has served us well.  Thanks *grants*

I went to the funeral home today and learned more than I never knew about Jimmy Wheeler.  I only knew 2 or 3 but met 'em all.  I can't see so good in dark places anymore.  You know, the adjustment from bright to heaven.  I consoled his grandchildren and listened to their conversation chiming in with some like "And do you know where he is?"  Yes m'am with fingers pointed up. 

I am doing my best to make plans for my end of life so that my family won't have to deal with the details.  I promise to have the pictures ready for Kay and Chucky to create my final tribute.  Y'all.  I've pondered  on death for a lot of years.  As a child it scared me.  But as each elder passed I learned that we are promised heaven if we just believe ^j^

do you miss me yet?

I was parked at Tractor Supply the other day and noticed a pickup in front of me with Trump stickers, from Lake County.  Dude and his buddy hauled out a bunch of stuff including hay or wheat straw  from the back of a big truck.  What struck me was his Jesus Loves You t-shirt and so I pondered a but on the whole Republican bible thing.  I love the bible, like really big.  I learn a lot about it during SS and worship at FUMC in Dyersburg.  I am always a student.

Many of my friends have died in the past week.  If I make it to at least one visitation I'll be doing good.  My most important mission is to get Mayme and Steve up to Newbern on Thursday for Brother Wheeler/s service. Jimmy has been a constant in my life for many years. Unlike my cremation plans he will be all laid out in biker gear with an open casket.  His biker friends will form a caravan from Newbern to Fairview.  

I'm letting y'all know ahead of time that I don't want that.  At all.  My plans are for a visitation at Curry Funeral Home following cremation.  Graveside will be at the Carter Family Cemetery about a mile from my house.  When you get older, you think about these things.  Bubba already has  his stone down there but I am not good at planning ahead like that.  Gerald keeps that place up well with perennials.  BG and I went down there 20 years ago to explore and I fell down the hill and tore my left hamstring.  I couldn't sit for about three months and my left leg turned totally purple.  When i hit the ground I could not feel my feet.  BG scooped me up and took me to Mama's house.  The rest is history.

Everybody has a story like that and probably a hundred more.  We need to tell them before it's too late.  I hope that I live long enough to tell Lizzie a few more stories.  This Saturday may be my chance ^j^

good friday

As the story goes, we are approaching the hour when our Lord was hanging on a cross between two thieves and suffering mightily so that we may be forgiven for our sins.  And we all have plenty.  When I became an out of my head and into my heart Christian I ceased feeling guilty or shameful.  Grace is a gift for all who accept it.  

I have had a busy day beginning with PT followed by tech help from Ben to get the YouTube tv going and a visit from Scotty to repair my raised garden bed.  He's on the way back with it as we speak.  I feel so blessed to have friends to help an old girl out. That's what up.  Y'all be faithful and expect miracles ^j^