Pecan Lane

thank you for your payment

2012-02-01T16:25:00.000-08:00

I have two consecutive monthly bills from my local utility provider, both of them adding a TVA surcharge in the vicinity of 45% tacked on to my very conservative usage of electricity. Some of you might remember that I ~~bitched about~~ mentioned this last month. Same song, second verse. Gawd, I love me some American corporate hos. It's what makes the world go round.

Since we're all mostly in a flood zone around the Mississippi and its' tributaries and the river gods have seen fit to wash all of the low ground, and a whole lotta high..I figure it's time to move closer to the beach. The very first time I visited Destin as a teenaged church camper, I managed to fry my happy ass to the third degree and spend the rest of the week on an air mattress under a tree with a jar of salve for the blisters.

Today was such a nice one that I spread out a blanket on the front porch and did my feet and hands, listening to the birds and frogs telling me that spring is on the way. My wiser self knows that there will be a few freezes and possibly snow on Easter, but this is primo weather to just sit there and enjoy the quiet normalcy of the whole thing that is my life. Rain is moving in and that's cool too.

No political commentary today ya'll because this shit is freaking ridiculous. Who the hell cares what your religion is when it comes to electing a president. Dubya was a member of my home church and we saw where that got us. Ass deep in war with extremists who will never give up their cause. I'm over it.

Don't look now, but the laundry is almost done and it's only hump day ^j^

quiet time

2012-01-31T13:25:00.000-08:00

I came home after work today just dying to stretch out, watch Chelsea and laugh out loud. As I topped the back steps and looked into the kitchen I noticed a munchkin size kid peering at me through the glass and remembered that BG was babysitting Junior. To him, anybody around when something needs fixing is "mama" and he kept both of us hopping until they left a few minutes ago. Cute as pie, and active as a year old child. After the third or fourth spill, I told BG that I wasn't ready for this yet. She concurred.

My brother sent me out on a photo mission yesterday at the old dairy barn which is due for some repair. The roof has fairly new tin and the beams look sturdy in spite of their age. Many of our former sheriff's campaign signs are still on the dirt floor next to the silos just waiting to be pitched on that brush fire in the making. It is quiet now, just me and the dogs hanging out listening to music with our friend out front picking pecans. The calm after the storm, so to speak.

Ya'll know I've been a Ron Paul fan for several years now and it just tickles me shitless that he went all stealthlike up to Maine while the loudmouth boys in Florida try to win a pissing contest. One poll that I took today had Dr. Paul and Gingrich neck and neck which is no small thing considering all the bullshit we've seen flung around thus far. If there is one single contributing factor to my loyalty it is the fact that he voted against the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. Here we are all these years later, still there with enlistees looking at new tours when our own infrastructure is falling apart. Big military = big money. Spend it wisely, ya'll.

There is a cause up in the internet spotlight at the moment thanks to combat reporter Michael Yon concerning medivac flights and Geneva convention rules that put them at too great a risk for life saving runs at times. His current story features the death of a 24 year old who was alive but died because he had to wait for backup to transport him to a hospital. His mama is mad and so am I. Michael's agenda from the beginning has been to showcase the sacrifices being made by those who believed that our government will take care of them because they serve. There are several books, which I have not read because I've been devouring it all on the interwebs. Great work dude. They're all my heroes, thanks to your reporting.

Do no harm. It is a simple oath that all healthcare providers...not just physicians...take when being trained. It is so much about the money today that the mantra gets lost in the shuffle on many occasions. I certainly don't claim to have the answers, but I'm gonna do my part to make the world a better place, one life and one situation at a time.

^j^

the ten thousand dollar floors

2012-01-29T11:02:00.000-08:00

When we first moved here in '84, the extensive quite expensive renovation included carpet, paint and wallpaper which made it look brand new. BG was four years old and living in wide open spaces like most kids only dream about. Our house was the place to be for most every celebration. When she was about five or six, KY cousin gave us a Schnauzer named Max who never got his ears and tail clipped or groomed. Dude looked like a furball most of the time. He bit BG on the face his first day here because she woke him up, and it took her a loooong time to not want to send him back. I recall finding his little baby teeth stuck in the carpet. At her birthday party, she and Katie took off down the road on bikes toward the dead end looking for the then absent Max. Katie's mama and I heard their screams at the same time and we took off like scalded dogs to where they were sobbing hysterically. There had been a storm on Friday night and the neighbors were out of town so no power outage had been reported. Poor Max ran right smack into a live wire and got fried to a crisp..the girls found his smoking collar on the edge of the pasture. Oddly enough, it is from this same exact location that terrier mix extraordinaire Oscar came to be a part of our family. Coincidence? I think not.

I ripped the old nasty carpet up by hand and pitched it out of the dining room on top of the hydrangea bushes which eventually recovered. That was one nasty fire, ya'll. After that, we walked on bare wood with carpet remnants for several years. NEVER without socks. One of my father's last managerial gifts to me was new floors for this old house, including several rooms laid with laminate. I learned the hard way that pets and carpet don't mix. That was about the time somebody started noticing that he was "slipping" a little in his judgements. Mama just thought I deserved it and it might lift our spirits. Gotta love 'em. Note to landlord and designee: The 10K floors are clean for a change. Catch 'em while you can!

Walking the yard is sheer joy these days with warm sunny skies and growing things to uncover. Yes, I realize it's just January but I'm going with the card I've been played and taking advantage of early spring clean up time. If an ice storm slams us next week, so be it. Yesterday was foot massage day for mama and she loved it and reveled in the joy of being served. That's not her nature, by the way. We have steady stream of convo about what pills when and at what time when I'm the one who counts them out once a week. Her sight is long past glasses, so she gave me several pair of her old ones while we were cleaning out drawers. It is odd and poignant looking at the world through her former eyes.

^j^

hold my beer and watch this..

2012-01-28T07:49:00.000-08:00

My KY cousin called yesterday afternoon to report that a halfway built cruise ship for a major line got STUCK trying to navigate a bridge close to her home. Pictures and everything, ya'll. Her son is an EMT and was on the scene like he always is. Can you imagine how pissed off that pilot is! Uh, like sorry boss. I didn't know the bridge was there. Here's your sign. That's the second blow in a week to pleasure cruising as a sport considering how that Italian stallion reportedly jumped ship and left everybody behind. Oh, and by the way? Big Ernie saw you.

Today is my ideal...one in which to piddle in and out of the house with sunny skies as initiative to clean house and get my shit a little more together. It's amazing that I've managed to make it this far with my poor organizational skills. Definitely not my mother's child in that area, if you know what I mean. Even though she's blind, she still manages to know exactly how much money is in the account at any given time. Music is ranging from Kid Rock to George Strait at the moment. Great motivation!

We had some traffic yesterday afternoon when Pride's BFF came out in her new cowboy boots to feed and visit. Another friend pulled up and was amazed at how he just lays in the yard like a dog. It gives a whole new meaning to the term animal house. Back in the day we would about break our necks trying to keep him in. Slowly but surely the fencing has gone by the wayside. The problem is gonna come when the crops get planted. Sorry dude. No more roaming.

Another pecan picker just wandered up over in Pride's pasture. Those ancient trees were loaded with wild ones. I walked the yard yesterday afternoon, soaking up the sun and noticing that crocus and buttercup as well as snowdrop are all in bloom. Life is good here on the hill.

^j^

where's my refund?

2012-01-27T14:07:00.000-08:00

About 90% of the people I know are not so patiently waiting for money from the feds that was used interest free all year via this willy nilly sort of tax code that allows corporate gains (ya'll know they're people, right?) to be taxed at the same rate as the income of the middle class. Like me. And you and your mama'n'them. Being the southern belle that I am, old money is revered and treasured because it was earned mostly by people who had the spirit of, um. Capitalism? It's nothing new , just the devil in another pair of sheep's clothing. The older I get, the more I appreciate the barter system. It's when you get the pharisees up in there doing the tax thing that the trouble starts. Infrastructure, my ass. Makes me want to kick over a damn table and do what Jesus would do in the temple.

I have been following a reporter named Michael Yon since the beginning of the "war on terror." An self-professed adrenaline junkie, he has been an embed in countless military operations all over the world. With a particularly unbiased political view, he has managed to capture the spirit of those who serve our country with respect for the horrors that they witness just doing the job of being a part of our armed forces. Many people forget how many other countries have sent their folks to protect and defend, only to be shot at and rallied around like trophies. In that part of the world, it will never change. Like my daddy says "it has always been thus and so." Now that's biblical if I ever heard it!

The GOP is giving me some really big giggles these days because, really? What have they got. One is brain dead and the other is your mother's worst nightmare. I'm hoping Ron Paul will bust out and do a third party thing. Choice is good, umkay? It's early yet though. I will hang onto my smartass redneck vote until I'm sure I've been heard by somebody other than the MSM.

Have a good weekend, and call your mother when you have time. You know she needs to hear our voices ^j^

one of the flock

2012-01-26T12:46:00.000-08:00

I haven't thought of Old Hoss in months now, filing his memory away with others who have influenced me in some way or another to be who I am today. The tenacity of this gentleman was amazing, even when he found himself in ill health. His last swing across the country started with a bloggers convention in...you guessed it..Vegas. Then he went hopping from town to town with his oxygen and guardian angels at stops along the way and spent some quality time with us. When I first "met" Gene his wife was dying of Lou Gehrig's and they were in a nursing home together. Following her death, he went out on his own and became quite the famous elderblogger. Nothing on weekends usually. He was too busy bird watching or speech writing or hell raising. I miss you buddy.

It's now day 2 of a protracted soggy gray cloud with intermittent rain. Maybe sitting in front of this energy efficient squiggly bulb will give me some SADD relief. However, a nice beach visit would probably do just as nicely. We'll see if there's any left after paying all the people. We are falling into a natural rhythm around here with our work shifts overlapping just enough for the moment. We are both single and about to become equal roommates financially. To say that I am mighty proud is an understatement.

I used to have these really bad anxiety attacks, mostly when I was in the "oh shit is that what that's about!" stages of therapy. The day I knew I was losing control was when my family and I were riding across a bridge in the gulf and I grabbed the steering wheel, freaked that we were going over. Celexa took care of that and most of my other worries. When I find myself burdened now, I try thinking about myself as just one of the many sheep wandering around lost looking for some affirmation for SOMETHING to believe in. We are bombarded with so much bad news that it's easy to just sit down and cry. One of our county's largest employers today announced a planned shutdown in May affecting some six hundred workers. God bless China, right?

I have never claimed to be the right one. All I have ever expected was to be treated as an equal and have my opinions respected. The hate mongering that is a part of US politics in today's techno-advanced world is absurd. How about spending that money on some food and healthcare for the underserved, ya'll? As a believer, one of the greatest sins to me is greed, because it is all about self preservation. That is what I enjoy so much about Colbert's persona. The arrogance is just flaming and crazy funny. Might as well laugh, huh?

Sometimes, it's good to be an old fart. Right Hossie?

^j^

it's a stretch

2012-01-25T13:09:00.000-08:00

Meanwhile, back on the hill I've enjoyed an entire day of spa like pleasure in my own home accompanied by three dogs, one cat and a come and go BG. And of course, music. My ethereal friend donated a yoga mat and blanket and I'm hooked. Get thee away from me naproxen! This old girl is ready to bust out and live a happy stress free life. Um hmm. I even got home delivery of lunch and necessities so it's a successful day off with no (not much) contact to the real world. Life is good.

I called mama while daddy was out to lunch and she sounded incredibly relieved to be alone with her thoughts which included how to get her high dollar meds from the internet pharmacy that is pimping for the federal government and their retiree program. My father served in the Air Force during the fifties and then proceeded to be an ag specialist with the USDA until he retired at the age of 55 to become a full time farmer. The maps in his basement office tracked the progress of Japanese beetles on the cotton crop all over the country. With push pins, no less. No computers...technology of the day included hand written reports submitted to the feds by their postal service. Stamps were probably about a nickel then. My intense passion for green comes straight from him. Mama could care less about working up a sweat in the yard following the patterns of seasons that come and go like clockwork.

Mama taught me how to cook and thanks to her I can do something with just about anything in the frig and a few spices. Lately, I use EVOO and real butter to sautee what I really want rather than throwing something together that is unhealthy and easy. Dollar General makes a brazillion bucks off of mac'n'cheese, I'd be willing to bet. I love green onions, Duke's mayo, asparagus and parmesan smeared all over an Italian loaf and broiled. Maybe a little ham or turkey. Yum YUM. Tomato basil jelly is also good with all that. I watch people when I'm shopping, seeing what they toss into their carts and more often than not they are cheap choices that fit on their cards to feed a house full of folks.

I'm over it ya'll. As my internet boyfriend says, we can't go back and undo the Asian connection. They own us lock stock and barrel and it's time to either put on big people panties and deal with it or cast a vote, preferably both. Not that at matters, but at least you can say you tried. Mine's wide open and I wonder who's gonna come after it? I believe in the process if not the system, ya know?

^j^

the things we do for love

2012-01-24T19:05:00.000-08:00

Well, I guess some folks would say "sucks to be you" right now. Just yesterday I was told by an informed source that the roommate who left on his birthday with a bottle of high dollar whiskey was seeing someone else the entire time he lived here. I knew it, of course, but didn't feel like dealing with the drama at that point in time. When his father died and I sat in the back row all alone while he and the fam' snuggled up and reconnected I said to myself "Self...something ain't right here." Beginning of the end, so to speak. Total disrespect by someone who slips in and out of people's lives at whim using them as he goes. My bad for allowing that to happen here on the hill.

I'm up later than usual, working an odd shift that ended early thanks be to the gods who oversee patient census. More and more the trickle down effect is hittin healthcare providers as in: unless you're really sick or blown up, most people can't afford the bill. If I had a buck for every drug seeker who has shown up in our ER over the years, I'd be in Fiji at the moment writing that book while accepting a fruity drink from the oh-so-attentive hot as hell cabana boy.

In typical Poopie fashion, I watched Tosh instead of Obama because really? All I want to do is have fun. Political speeches unless delivered by Stewart and Colbert are not much fun. God bless all ya'll. It will be what it is. I totally respect those two gentleman for doing what they do even though they're close to the 1%. Ditto for Chelsea and her entire bunch.

^j^

things that go bump in the night

2012-01-23T10:33:00.000-08:00

Well, we dodged a bullet on last night's storm. As a matter of fact I slept all the way through thanks to the magic of benadryl. Safe.Effective.Cheap. My kinda drug! Right after I got settled I saw a big ass truck pull up in the driveway and it was a former roommate returning some stuff that was mine ours and theirs. I was tickled to find my warm house shoes that have been missing for a year. We sat in her floor and went through what left when she moved out and back to the farm over a year ago.

I made a run down to mama'n'them's to count pills and check on the state of their union. Daddy was in a mood because he's killed both remotes and can't do what he wants with the TV in a split second. Ritual is his best friend, and he hates the commercials. The skies are gray again following a morning of sunshine and it's still peeping in and out. Nice day to burn some shit if the wind dies down. More than likely a home manicure will win out on that little deal. My ethereal friend dropped off a yoga mat and blanket so I'm free to stretch my little shoulder out and work on "the bitch" as I call her. Her best friend is naproxen.

The dogs are out digging for whatever critter is in the dirt out there...wet and muddy and not even allowed on my bed until they dry off. That's what the doggie beds are for ya'll. I love you, but....

Peace and love.

organization is the key

2012-01-22T12:25:00.000-08:00

The key to what? Most people it's one of the first habits that successful people adopt to keep their shit straight. Seeing as how I've failed miserably at both success AND organization, I'm mighty proud of the state of my desk at the moment. Who would have thought that my mother's bright yellow keyboard for visually impaired typists would be a lifesaver for me as well! The bills are all in one pile and the organizer is open to the current week. Income tax filed and accepted this time. My to-do list for days off is to get my parents' prescriptions straight and my head, not necessarily in that order. After an intense neck massage and two days of a tens unit, my upper half is sorta wobbly and tender.

One of my old work friends met up with us for lunch the other day and the talk turned to our parents, naturally. Hers live behind her house and have help. Pretty much the same as our situation. Were it not for those two factors, the whole thing simply wouldn't work for either family. Most times, it doesn't and the elderly are forced by disease or finances to leave the homestead. I thank Big Ernie every day for every exasperating minute I've experience during the past five years with them. Their 58th anniversary is on Valentine's day. Gotta love that kind of devotion.

Living in tornado alley, I learned at an early age that it's never too late or too early for severe weather in this part of the country. Equal proximity to cold air masses sliding in from the ~~east~~ west and warm soupy globs from the gulf can get very interesting, even in January. One of the worst that I remember was in late January and it demolished the Methodist church in Halls. There are stained glass chimes hanging in my kitchen...a testament to the power of hope and rebuilding crafted by church members to raise money for the new one.

Quite a few people have lost their lives here lately due to twisters. The storms always fire up in Missouri and gather steam crossing the Mississippi to smack us from Boothspoint all the way to town. The high school was almost destroyed once, as well as one of the bigger industries. It's totally random though, which is scary. The worst was about (uh) six years ago when a big one ripped across the hill where the cross overlooks highway 78 and tore out big sections of nice housing, plus another Methodist church. Almost 20 people were killed and countless others lost their homes.

My most vivid memory is of the night when my brother and his girlfriend were working for Memphis station watching the radar as one headed for my house. They called the old landline and I was oblivious, drinking beer and cooking. Hmm. We headed for the basement but never quite got down there before it hit. Curiosity is one of my weaknesses, so I tried to open the back door and couldn't. About that time, total blackness.

One of them called back and said that it had wiped out a motel about a mile from my house after roaring through the golf course and Thompson's hill. We were pretty freaked and once it died down a little, jumped in the car to drive to SOMEWHERE other than here. Driving in the dark is eerie enough but imagine seeing live wires hanging down as you dodge the trash trying to get out. We made it, of course. And I went back to a dark house where I stayed for one night and then parked in other people's houses for a week. And it rained and stormed every damn day of that week too. If you don't believe me, ask Tommy. He was broadcasting by generator for the Jackson station that was his employer at the time.

Let's hope and pray that being aware and alert is enough. It's really out of our hands, ya know?

^j^ Note to self: She was in Memphis, he was in Jackson.

here's your sign

2012-01-21T12:23:00.000-08:00

Here's what happens when you get to file your income tax early and are already in the process of dividing up the money by creditor. If you are me, you glance over to where the well organized pile of returns lies to retrieve last year's AGI. Impressed that I didn't have to take the attic apart to find it, I was on cloud nine. Until it got rejected today. And why you may ask? Because the number I entered as my e-sig was for 2009. Duh..no help dumbass. Now I have to pay them for the filing just to get that magic number. I hate it when that happens.

Today's weather has been one solid gray blanket of chill tucked firmly around the 'burg. I didn't even mind being at work because I knew if I had been home I'd be piddling away time like it was nothing. My bones are aching soooooooo bad for some warm sunshine to heat up the earth and begin crop-o-ganza 2012. What I need, according to Ky cousin is some seed catalogs to drool over. Her father was a big gardener and was into landscape design so he came in handy during their many moves. I remember how they used to walk their yards in the northern part of our county...just a block apart...at sunrise with coffee. Just to see what was new in the beds.

I can't freakin' WAIT ^j^

full circle

2012-01-20T12:38:00.000-08:00

It's been forever and a day since I've had a beer up in the kudzu. On the way home today, I noticed that the proprietor and ~~the manager~~ Becky were on duty so I stopped by to chit chat and catch up on life. Rick rolled in with lunch and we visited while they ate. About that time a few guys strolled up for their afternoon libation and we visited as well. I haven't seen Rodney in six months and he looked quite good for someone with full blown lung cancer and liver mets. He was talking about the Alaskan cruise he's been wanting to do but then there's always something coming up like his son's wedding and whatnot. If it was me, I'd smooth be on the way and check up on the ship's captain to make sure he's not buzzed and gettin' laid at work. I guess you gotta go somehow.

The old W2 was in my box today so that's on this afternoon's to do list. Since it was payday, I splurged on lunch in mexico with my dear friends after stopping by to buy some new electrodes for my tens unit. The bitch lesion in my upper right shoulder MUST die or I need muscle relaxers. Hopefully we can work this thing out. Dogs napping? Check. Cloudy skies? Ayep. Feeling blessed? You betcha'. And for the record? It's not Obama's fault any more than it is Dubya's.

Over and out from the lane ^j^

you might be a redneck

2012-01-19T12:10:00.000-08:00

I could have slept in today, but the dogs woke me up with the rising sun wanting to bond a little. Well, the boys did. Faith just slept on like a log! Today is hair day so I killed some time until the appointed hour to pick mama up with her fresh do and head for the doc's office for a blood test. The back seat was full of groceries and after I dropped her off at the house, I headed to the gas station up the road to get "a few" beers. There is a dollar general beside it across a heavily traveled two lane with eighteen wheeler traffic. As I slowed down to navigate the turn following two of them, she appeared in my rear view and proceeded to lay on the horn and otherwise cuss me to high heavens. This bitch was MAD!! It was a hooptie car with some guy sitting in the other seat snickering while she ranted and raved in the road. I was kinda sorta stuck with the trucks, so I eased to the right into the parking lot of the DG where said crazy bitch was still pissed and slamming on brakes and whatnot. I've seen days where I would have walked right over to the crack headed ho and say what's on my mind. Today wasn't one of them, by the way. I mean really? There's no hope for stupid, especially in the south.

I'm still in the beginning stages of the project, but it looks like this could be book year on the lane. In the past I've written pages upon pages of stories and emails and saved them all in a box for "the book" but I don't think that's the way it will go. My aching joints are screaming for something new and more user friendly for an old gal. More later and thanks coaches!

I'm in my own little world right now and that is exactly where I need to be at the moment. Everything happens for a reason. Life is hard. Once you accept that simple truth? There's a lot more work to do. Hat tip to Scott Peck...and he thought he could never make a difference.

Holla back...We're headed outside to enjoy the sunshine ^j^

all my rowdy friends

2012-01-18T14:55:00.000-08:00

Talk about some peace and love ya'll, I'm just rolling in it because I'm off for two days (unless somebody dies or breaks a hip) and I am ready to play. I stopped by Gigi's house to deliver her Christmas present..shushh. Last year it was March before we did that! She was sprawled out in her office in fuzzy leopard print PJs working and welcomed the break to have a couple of beers and catch up. Not much drama on her end but ya'll know how it goes around here sometimes. Sue was right...there's a little black cloud right smack over our heads.

My brother brought sweet feed and apple treats this afternoon so his orneriness will have something decent to eat. He's pretty much grazing every day, watching the golfers and enjoying life. We should all be so blessed. This blackout thing today has really caught on just like OWS did and I hope that Congress is watching and listening to these two or three generations of uncensored web surfing. When the ability to intelligently search the web for the opinions and experiences of others is compromised, there is no freedom at all. We were there about twenty years ago, remember?

The more I hear and experience concerning veterans of the Iraq and Afghanistan wars, the more I am convinced that PTSD is the cause of ALL our problems, not just theirs. Each and every person, according to their raising, expects life to be a certain way. So many families in this country are fractured now from poverty and crime. Children born into this cycle don't have a freakin' chance unless someone steps up and out and grasp their hands as a mentor. I have never understood the mentality of thinking that if you have to take an antidepressant to keep the old serotonin level even that you're crazy. Life is 24/7 stress on a bad day and pretty constant on a good one. There are years of scientific research backing the successful use of SRUIs to treat mood disorders and they are quite affordable. At the end of my first week, I remember thinking to myself "this is what it's like to feel normal."

That's about it for hump day. I have a date with mama tomorrow and one with old friends for lunch on Friday so there's enough reason to get up and go. Besides, I'll be asleep by ten at the max. With three dogs, as usual.

Such the party animal ^j^

here for the party

2012-01-17T13:38:00.000-08:00

I knew the very first time that I saw Gretchen Wilson riding a four wheeler in the mud with camo on that she was gonna be the next great country chick. Women all over the country identified with her kick ass attitude and I was one of them up in a bar dancing on the stage with my girls and drunk as hell. The bar in the kudzu was my favorite spot for many years...a short drive from home and lots of friends to watch my back. One poor dude had to drive me home at my request and he told me to "get my head in the right place." Wise words, brother. He and I normally meet up at the funeral home or sawmill and that is also one of those relationships that never changes. How are the girls? And mama'n'them?

In the heyday, the place had three people deep around the wall and more than the occasional brawl. I met some of my best friends there, like Gigi and my redneck friend from Gibson county. Well,okay. Maybe MORE than one redneck friend from Gibson county :) I remember going there with my ex and the shipped in corporate guys would trade their wives at some random table in the back, keys and all. I didn't have a freakin' clue what was up until he told me. We didn't do that down on the farm.

I wouldn't trade those days for anything, all the while knowing that Big Ernie was allowing me the chance to get out there and raise hell as a single woman. It was a long time coming and a whole lotta fun, right Yaya? More and more, as I sit back and reflect on life, I see that there is a plan after all and all I have to do is show up and do my best. That sure does take a load off of a weary old smartass country girl.

Keeping the faith ^j^

and the list goes on

2012-01-16T15:50:00.000-08:00

Oh boy, I do so love me some Mondays full to the brim. Sawmill, errands, back to sawmill and home to three wild dogs running at full speed in a circle around Pride. He's on a hunger strike because we're out of sweet feed. That two year old senior diet stuff got rained on and flipped over! When I'm 30 in horse years, I hope karma gives me somebody who cares.

Still warm here, which is a big huge blessing for those of us who are living check to check. The southern realist in me knows that it's just a teasing game with mother nature and we WILL have snow on Easter or before. Maybe that little dab of propane will see us through after all. My friend at work gave me the biggest most beautiful hug ever today and told me how much she loved me. My words to her were something like "yeah and if it wasn't for bad luck...." She just grinned and reminded me that things are looking up. And you know what? I believe her.

Errand time included a visit with yet another friend of the good old country boy variety. Ya'll know the one who has been there done that with you and still lets you come in and chat on a moment's notice. It's really kind of nice how you can hit the high points in ten minutes and know that you were heard. I may have to get the Cake Boss on all of the favors I owe to patient kind souls who care. Yours is coming propane guy. If I'm lying I'm dying!

By total chance I ran into my brother/landlord designee at the store today and we exchanged reports on how breakfast went yesterday. We work together with BG to handle most any crisis, in spite of ourselves. Hey...it's what families do and I feel blessed to be a part of a team rather than doing it all myself.

i love it when that happens

2012-01-15T12:04:00.000-08:00

Anna has always been a part of our lives in one way or another. She and BG and their teenage accomplices managed to raise nine kinds of hell and never get in (serious) trouble. She and most of the others have kids now but they're still MY kids when push comes to shove. She and baby daddy have been together for years and have worked their way from poverty into a comfortable lifestyle with a back yard for Conner. They are planning a June wedding and I was blessed with the honor of snapping an engagement picture right smack in front of the barn where they have fed Pride over the years. That is a humbling thought.

Politics is still off limits here because there's nothing to talk about anymore. Arrogant entitled assholes living off of the backs of American workers have killed the spirit. Or have they? Occupy isn't over yet, ya'll. Consumers will more likely buy American when they can afford it and it should be thus and so. Listen to me sounding all biblical and stuff. I still recall the happiest day of my life as when I walked out of bankruptcy court free from 30K worth of plastic debt. American dream, my ass.

Had a bunch of company yesterday with friends hooking up and others meeting each other. My earthmother friend should be on the Gulf Coast by now teaching Katrina ravaged neighborhood gardeners how to grow their own food. How many years ago was that anyway? I will never ever as long as I live forget seeing the mass chaos that followed that one natural disaster. Sure, they knew the risk and lived there anyway. But it was home.

Thanks to my editorial boyfriends I've got a mental picture of what my book might be so that's half the battle. The biggest thing is just getting my AdHD ass to sit down and focus. Let's pray and be specific on that one,'Umkay?

Over and out from Pecan Lane ^j^

swift justice

2012-01-13T12:17:00.000-08:00

I'm not real big on dealing with the law so I try to stay clear and keep my t's crossed except for that pesky seat belt thing which is probable cause for a pull over. That also includes that absent driver's side brake light on the camry. BG is driving the Neon quite slowly because it needs brake shoes and wobbles like a sumbitch. Anyhoo...this friend of mine had some luck yesterday that sounded like something that would happen to me! She was cruising through the 'burg to run errands and lo and behold wasn't strapped in for the first time in forever. The girl is a FREAK about it. The officer stopped her and issued a warning ticket and she went on her way for a few blocks before the lights came on and he came to get her again! Poor thing didn't have a clue what was up.

She was arrested and booked into the county jail still not knowing what the charge was on the freakin' bench warrant for her ass. Um.Hmm. As it turns out, she had moved and didn't receive a notice for a second court date on a civil matter that had been paid in cash to a clerk's office. Paper receipt? Gone with the wind according to said office. Bond? 237 bucks. Another court date...more fees. I mean, really? She made it to work on time too. Meanwhile, the meth madness continues around these parts, unscathed by every law enforcement agency's attempt to kill the demon. And we still don't know who killed the lady out there on Halloween.

The sawmill was buzzing today and it just about wore me out to creep toward quitting time. Lots of transition coming up there, as usual. I know in my heart that new tennies will make all the difference and that's on the short list for my next windfall. The meager pension is at least paying half of the rent, if not the utilities so things are looking up. There are a couple of guys braving the cold to pick up pecans today, bundled against the biting wind. And Faith's boyfriend showed back up after a long absence.

She's snoozing on the couch with a pain pill and could care less.

Happy weekend ya'll!

in the cosmos

2012-01-11T12:42:00.000-08:00

Talk about some karma, ya'll. One of the last things that I babbled about was how people sit there and blame each other for things going wrong when there is always an element of human error. I was faced with a young lady today who had been somewhat "coached" by others to be indignant about an honest mistake. She had her own reasons and story for why she was so agitated but damn. Give a girl a break,ya know? I explained to her my history and qualifications and fessed up to a similar error myself not too long ago. Shit happens. Deal with it. The petty politics of the local office doesn't contribute a damn thing to the goal that we strive for....customer satisfaction.

Yesterday had one of those "this is what it's all about" moments with a former customer's wife coming by to let us know that he had died peacefully. It was then that I realized how easily we become a part of the life of someone else just by being compassionate. She seemed composed, but then she had been watching him slowly die for six months. "He never gave up hope" she said. I wouldn't either dude. Here's to you and your ornery Vietnam vet self!

Big round of applause for Mitt Romney and his NH showing. I don't know about ya'll, but I'd be watching over my shoulder for Ron Paul or Huntsman. Or both! I'm just tickled not to have to listen to much of Palin and/or that other girl that looks like Jesus just came down from the heavens every time she talks. Rick Perry is my favorite to bash though..."It's cuz I'm from Texas ya'll!" Uh. Yeah, we saw where that one went. I read the part of Dubya's bio where he quit drinking and I decided right then and there that I liked him much better as a party animal.

It's not cold yet and there is still propane in the tank. He got a check which was promptly cashed and I vow to catch up soon. Two jobs are better than one and refund time is coming, if the government doesn't go broke before then. I'm rearranging my bedroom to feature an altar with a southern view for my new money tree. Everything on that side of the yard is positioned just right for maximum light. Thus the forsythia and quince that will get bitten.

It's hump day people...'Nuf said ^j^

never know 'til you try

2012-01-10T13:08:00.000-08:00

After a slow beginning, my resolve for the year 2012 is beginning to take on some steam. The very reason is not quite clear to me because I'm really BAD about putting things off when they seem to be too big for the moment. The plus side to that slow journey is that I've had plenty of time to discover talents and flaws that will guide me through the rest of my earthly life. The faithful side of me believes that what comes after will be better because I took the time to find out who I really am as a person. It never ceases to amaze me how little self reflection some people are willing to do. It's easier just to blame somebody else.

So that is why I am content with my legacy and committed to finding ways to make the world a better place "one life at a time" as Lorna says. A pecan farmer like myself, she's been there/done that just like me and has learned to toughen up when it comes to leaving things better than you found them. Really? It's the only chance we have to give our kids and grandchildren half of what we have enjoyed. Several of my friends are big river people as in "carve your own canoe and teach kids after school". There's not much money in it, but it is a venue for teaching otherwise doomed to failure kids how to explore and do something with their lives. In most rural southern counties, it is a serious problem. Local business has shriveled up to the few lucky establishments who have family money to keep operating off of. Otherwise, it's dead as a doornail. Most of our industries have either drastically downsized (sold out to China) or been sold off multiple times. Or both. The friend who gifted us with Sammy D is one that will forever more be the poster child for how corporate America treats their hard working middle men. He is currently living his dream, watching sports and drinking beer in his own bar. You go boy.

Somebody looked ahead and told me it's gonna get really cold soon but then it's January and we've been blessed so...at least there are the dogs. Right now the boys are scrapping on my bed while Faith lies to my left slowly drifting off. She'll be snoring real soon. Pride is still wandering wherever whenever he desires and hasn't caused a problem yet. It's amazing how much time and energy we have spent over the years to keep him fenced in when all he really wanted to do was his own thing. I have seen that with my parents as they've learned to rely on others for their ADLs, thanking us the whole time for giving back to them for our raising. At times, I am humbled to tears by that.

The sawmill is still running and I'm on a five day before daylight streak. For me, it's easier to just get up the same time every day..except on days off, of course! I realize that the physical demands of cheap tennis shoes on concrete floors won't take long to catch up with me, so I'm exploring some opportunities myself. BG's schedule and mine are in a nice tandem where I have time alone and so does she. Our favorite thing to do together is huddling up in her room with all the dogs and watching comedy. Sometimes beer is involved. Always, we laugh out loud.

^j^

southern exposure

2012-01-09T16:38:00.000-08:00

Against all odds, Oscar got a bath this afternoon but only because I needed one too. Presently, he is laid out on my bed covering the top layer of warmth with his almond and shea butter scented body. This, is why we wash blankets every single day. Faith and Sam pretty much groom their short haired selves in the winter but not the wild man. BG brought all three of 'em up to mama's work today on a road trip and we did puppy sugars through the open windows of the not quite yet repossessed Neon with almost 200K miles. The good news is that she's back at work where she got laid off a few months ago.

I tuned into the GOP debate on Saturday just for kicks and was treated to about fifteen minutes of Santorum whining before I switched over to something funny and mindless. That boy needs some boundaries, which is something the big networks don't provide for entitled candidates. It is absolutely amazing to watch the grand old party piss away their chances to do something good by coming to the table in compromise and figuring out how to fix this whole gal'durn'mess. That's what Doris says about any situation that seems like going to hell in a handbasket. Don't blame the Dems for this one ya'll.

By nature, I am fiscally conservative because I have to be right now to survive. I see all kinds of opportunity to create program that would help folks navigate their way in life by bartering and trusting that Big Ernie will provide. That does not include entitlements for being repressed or discriminated against. A couple of generations in this country are living off of the middle class right along with the filthy rich. In the words of my friend Sally, "This is not acceptable."

Still mild here but I think the big freeze is coming because it always does. Last night there were five of us in the double bed...a mother and a daughter and three dogs for warmth. Guess you could call it a three dog night.

Peace and love ^j^

you snooze, you lose

2012-01-07T07:20:00.000-08:00

I should have set the shot up from my back porch yesterday when I saw a wrecker easing up the hill in the hay field. He was getting ready to haul out the old tractor and baler that caught fire in the fall. The bales are still scattered around the black carcasses of metal and they have become part of the daily landscape. I remember the day it happened and I ran out with my camera to catch the fire from a distance. Ya'll...it was huge. All that fuel went up quickly and the operator managed to jump and roll to safety. Obviously not his first rodeo. This same guy and his female rake partner cut all the hay around this farm and others nearby. It is sold or bartered with now since there are no cattle to feed. Sometimes, I miss their mooing, ya know?

It is cooler today, but still on the mild side for the dead of winter. My spring bushes have already been tricked into putting out a few flowers which will be promptly frozen to death sometime in the near future. The asparagus bed is halfway chopped/burned with a couple more months until it shows signs of life. The rest of the stubble will go up in flames before then. It is a much easier to maintain now that the ancient wire fencing is gone and a bean field sits next door. Slowly but surely, the remnants of my daddy's 50 years of fencing are going by the wayside in favor of wide open spaces. I like the new look, even though I miss the familiarity of the old wooden sheds that once stood in my yard. With fences, of course. Pride is still roaming and loving it and hasn't once attempted to cross over to the golf course. He just stands there eating and watching those crazy people swing sticks!

The crossroads atmosphere is more apparent than ever in my life here...fifty seven years in one place is a long time and I will never leave it behind emotionally. This farm has provided for my family during that time, and provided my father with the ideal farmer's job...managing the place for many years with minimal financial risk. The day the checks stopped coming for cattle, that deal was over and the reins were handed over to my brother. He grew up knowing every hill and slough on this farm so it was an easy transition. His border collie, Sally, is a year old now....we picked her out last January and brought her to the condo/doghouse behind his home. The polar opposite of his previous wildeyed boy, she sits quietly in the bed of his truck and enjoys any and all attention. She'll be a good mommy.

It's quiet here now, with BG at work and only the hum of the washer and dryer. I am still in PJs and thus missed the money shot over there when the tractor got hauled. That's okay though. Today is the first day of the rest of our lives, and you can't catch it all on film.

Peace and love ^j^

never too late

2012-01-05T14:06:00.000-08:00

My mother has always been the feisty kind who insists on trying her best to right somebody's wrong when it comes to customer service. That is precisely how the three of us, including daddy, ended up back at the same old physician's office complex where they first started five years ago. No longer the hub of action that it was during the turf wars, it is quiet and the employees are not overworked and seem pleasant. The halls were mostly empty, and the doctor was on time and friendly. I recounted to him how one of the former practitioners there who was revered as a "saint" went off on me one time at the hospital when he was exhausted from being up 24/7. He is the very same one who cried when my uncle died of prostate cancer. They were both 54 at the time. That this shining example of what a doctor should be decided that I was safe to let it loose on might just have been a blessing. It helped me to see that we're really all in it together and the ones who really care will stop and talk with you about it. The brand new hot headed urologist (who eventually became a close friend) had me in tears one weekend while on call demanding something that wasn't on the stat list. But. He found me and apologized, and when he left it was with an understanding of just what technology he was working with. Very rudimentary dude, as in test tubes and water baths. Boil for x number of minutes and read on a spectrophotometer. Write on a piece of paper, carry to the chart. It sounds old school but that's how it was in 1977. Look Joe..you're in the book!

A writer, even then, I tended to do daily hand written journal entries, sometimes in a blank book, and others in the margins of self-help books. Were it not for the wisdom of Melody Beattie et al, I would never have realized that co-depency is a real thing and it can be acknowledged and healed. I remember the very first time I read the words "Life is hard." Such a simple truth, yet one that we spend ooodles and goodles of time railing against with much drama and whah-whah-whah. Like Sue says: It is what it is."

That's my story, and I'm stickin' to it ^j^

somebody hold me

2012-01-04T12:50:00.000-08:00

I'm about as tough as they come in middle aged smartass women because my life is a freakin' train wreck waiting to happen most of the time. Occasionally I get pissed off, when not in training for dealing with 24 hour bullshit like being off for six days with only a few hours here and there to keep me grounded in real life. That's the thing about about going somewhere when you're off. It provides a chance to really disconnect and see another world. Most of my time off was spent cleaning and watching TV which was just fine with the old poopster because it HAD to be done or else the landlord was going to kick us out. Nah, not really. But with four pets in the house, you have to stay on top of things. Which we normally do not. Ever.

This past year has presented me with challenges that have been not met with a whole lot of enthusiasm which is not like me. I believe it's because there are so many layers of drama around that I've let my boundaries get loose and get absorbed in people's petty little attitudes instead of confronting them head on. And by then I'm really mad. That's when the ugly cry breaks out and my eyes remain swollen for a full 24 hours after. Fun times! At this particular point in my life I feel betrayed by several people in my life, not because they have intentionally hurt me but because they have used my easy going nature and avoidance of drama to let things go on longer than they should. One particular hurtful incident involved a former co-worker who asked specifically that I not know what was going on in her personal life because I would "gloat." Oh.My.God. Please see above life referenced as "train wreck". Do I look like that kind of prima donna?

Propane guy and me talked straight up and I told him a check was in the mail. He told me that I'm not the only one struggling out there, and he is too. I feel so badly for letting that go because he cared for me out of the goodness of his heart with no contract just because I was a customer. Maybe if I ask 'em to give him a key to the city of Gates he'll forgive me! Things will be better this year I do believe. I won't say they couldn't be worse or then the aliens will come and shoot us all down and we'll have to live on ships like those people in the Kevin Costner movie. And yes, I'm rambling, because it's good therapy.

I finally have something to look forward to with the film debut of Stephanie Plum and Chelsea's twice weekly appearances in addition to late night. I also will be going on a real vacation somewhere, even if it's only for a three day weekend. Communing with nature is very effective in reducing stress. I used to be a big time walker, plodding up and down the lane and golf course road in numerous pairs of tennis shoes that have long since hit the landfill. That's also a plan since I get off early consistently now, and the days ~~are~~ will be getting longer. I do fine unless it's below 40 or over 90. Then, it's too easy to stay comfy inside.

I've been mulling over the other person's sentiments and it came to me pretty quickly that it was projection...what SHE would do if she were me. That took me from hurt to acceptance so it's time to go find a teddy bear or a dog and snuggle up. Eff 'em if they can't take a joke. Right ya'll!

^j^

peaks and valleys

2012-01-02T10:43:00.000-08:00

My vacation is tripping right along toward day last so I'm already in training to head back to the sawmill, as in getting my mind in the right place. I love the people and I love the work...sometimes it's just too much with all that other stuff on the plate. Today is really the first that I've had to sit and enjoy the quiet hum of electric heaters running up my TVA bill. Tennessee Valley Authority is the one, ya know, that tacked on a "surcharge" to the local utility company's service to us. It started out really small...a few dollars that nobody would notice. That was in April '10 or 11. Last month, thanks to my frugality and warm layering, we did quite well except for that damn surcharge which was a full FIFTY damn percent of the entire usage. All of this while their execs got nice bonuses. REALLY?? They said it was cover the "repair" costs for all the acts of nature this year. Bull.Shit. I hope Dyersburg Electric and their ever so gallant attorney get somebody's freaking attention over there in the east. What part of hell no do you not understand???????

I was really happy to see all the Verizon customers smack 'em down on that little "convenience" fee. Ya'll gonna charge us to pay our own bill? I think not dudes. ATT already has free mobile to any mobile and when you're using a phone as your only link to others, that counts for a lot. Not everybody is on your network, asshat. Hmmm? Wonder why! One of the biggest lessons I've learned is that righteous indignation is catching and eventually collective voices will be heard. If not in this life, then the next. Lord...I sound like a preacher.

The horse just flew by the front window down the gravel drive expecting to be fed, I presume. Somebody will come along and do that. Faith is still kidnapped and I'm beginning to miss her terribly. She is such a calm influence in the midst of those scruffy boys and the crazy ass calico. Her highness Lily will sit on a dresser and clear it off one item at a time in less than five minutes. We find stuff everywhere that we never even knew we had.

I should be celebrating...and in many ways I am. I found, to my great relief, that I'm not to be a grandma yet. Timing is everything, ya'll. Not that I really believed that dipsticks from the dollar store could malfunction. Sometimes it comes in handy to have technology. Most businesses are closed again today taking advantage of a holiday weekend stretch. As Martha would say "That's a good thing."

Ya'll say a little prayer for us here on the hill. Challenges seem to keep on coming and of course we all know that's how we grow courage. Yikes! Somebody hold me now. Some days, I just want to be the baby again.

and then there were three

2012-01-01T11:24:00.000-08:00

Alas! The doughnut shop was closed for the holiday so here we all go to Perkins for eggs and whatnot. Johnnie and Janice were there, other than that it was an entirely new lookin' crew. Our waitress, bless her heart, didn't realize that Mr. Billy needs extra napkins and the damn check with his food. His entire face was covered in blueberries and powdered sugar. The conversation ran from misplaced items at home to how sad southtown looks. Every single time we drive through that once thriving neighborhood, I wonder at how two years of flooding cleared it out commercially.

Faith was missing this morning and BG just happened to see a text from her BF that he scooped her up at 3:30 in the morning while we were snoozing soundly. So much for homeland security! Of course he does have a key. Anywho, her brothers are enjoying their nappy play times while she's out with her daddy playing his games. I am well into day four of vacation at home and loving every minute of it. It shows in the way the floors are not all yucky anymore.

STILL people are picking up pecans. We found James in mom and daddy's yard with his butt in the air and his eye on the papershells. The season usually goes through January at least. Maybe by next fall I'll have the energy to make my fortune and run off all the poachers. Or, maybe not. I am all about the experience of seeing who shows up and what their story is. Mr. Barch has been very sick and didn't participate this year....first time in forever. My friend and I found him passed out in the field last year and the ambulance crew couldn't talk him into going in. Dude jumped in his bigass truck and did a U-turn in my front yard headed to the house. The paramedics followed him to the highway!

During breakfast when I expressed to my mama just how exasperating it can be to keep up with her meds and the little details for the bridge club, she reminded me that it was payback for when she raised me plus two bratty little brothers all the while working fulltime and being the poster girl for farmer's wife. I find myself migrating toward the talents and interests that she had like writing and leaving behind the dream that healthcare can ever be anything but money driven. I gave it my best shot for 35 years but the body is tired and the spirit is weak.

Faith. It really does matter ^j^

alfred dunner and auld lang syne

2011-12-31T09:19:00.000-08:00

I knew the minute that my mother asked me to take her shopping with her gift cards that I was in trouble. Mom has always been a fashion plate, of sorts and takes her style very seriously, even though she can't see herself. We kept the reasonably priced stretch t-shirts that BG and Daddy shopped for weeks ago, so I owed her eighteen bucks...what can I say? With her walker and purse, she headed straight to the designer section where I had to tell her what color was what and what it matched. Gift cards and all, she left eighty bucks lighter than she started. I also know that she's an impulse shopper and once she considers what is practical and what is just "cute" she'll send me back on a mission to get some credit on that card. She called last night to say that the three items that COST her need to go back. Somebody shoot me now.

The new year will find us doing our usual eggs'n'doughnuts. They say that the first thing you see or do on that day is how the whole year will go. I'll be sure to have some kind of experience before I pick them up in the Camry after church. That loose change is being spent on things that I really need, like a new wiper. That old was has been waving at me for a month, and believe it or not, winter IS coming. The weather is so freakin' gorgeous here that it defies words. Yesterday found me relieving the shopping stress by doing some yard trimming and cleaning. The grapevine out back almost whooped my old tired ass!

For the first time in my own personal history, the holiday decorations are down before the new year and my house is on the way to sweeping in a whole new year of possibilities. In many ways, this one has been what I could mostly kindly describe as a "learning curve". Lots of transition, lessons and plenty of love to go along with the heartache. I learned long ago not to make resolutions because I'm just not made that way. Why set yourself up for failure with something like a promise to never ever. Instead, I choose to think about all of the pictures that lie ahead of me, the experiences to be had and shit to be grown. This mild little weather teaser is enough to make me believe that spring will come again.

Happy new year to you and ya'lls. ^j^

vacation

2011-12-28T12:56:00.000-08:00

The last time I was off for more than four days was when BG graduated from college and mama bankrolled a luxurious drunken trip to the Gulf coast for us. That was a ten day deal and worth every penny. Since then I've had my head to grindstone using a few hours or vacation time to fill out a corporately managed steady paycheck. Until I opened that envelope Saturday afternoon, I wouldn't have given you a dime for my chances of being debt free anytime soon. The girls at the bank were in awe when I told them the story at the drive through window. Erica has been my favorite there for many years! Add to that huge blessing the fact that one of BG's former employers called today with a job offer on two hours notice. She's in the shower and on the way ya'll ;)

Now ya'll remember, my life is such that I don't even have to make shit up, so it seemed all the more ridiculous when I came upon the scene of the great golf cart robbery on the way home. I passed the course manager who looked like he was in a hurry and ran across two guys guarding the now in hand cart. As the story goes two young boys...eight or nineish..arrived via skateboard and bicycle and proceeded to piddle for a couple of hours. Something got a'hold of them and they hopped into one of the city's carts and hauled ass down the hill toward the muddy field next to the Forked Deer river. That little trip stopped in a hurry when they hit the mud. These guys said that the manager was following them home and busting them out to parents. I only hope they're the kind who have a sense of humor because that is typical boy stuff. Well, except for the stealing part.

I have six days off and I've gotta say that if somebody gave me even more money to work it, I'd have to say no. Two and a half years is way too long to go without some significant break from the reality of the day job and is the cause of a lot of work related expense in the form of stress illness. This is particularly true of healthcare because of the constant exposure to life and death situations, as with law enforcement. I've seen more than my share of paramedics and ER nurses head for the hills because it just got to be too much. We are ministers to those in pain and fear, many without family to calm them. If we are doing our job right, we make a difference...one life at a time.

The weather here is nice, sunny and not too cold, just in time for some getting out of hibernation action. The camry needs a new tire which I shall shop for at my leisure and get the very best price and quality. Because that? Is the new me. I have worked entirely too hard for my country to turn into a brokeass place where nobody listens even when a kazillion people rally peacefully for a stop to the madness and get treated like shit. To hell with you Congress..and the horse ya'll rode in on. I feel a peculiar power at this point in time, knowing that both parties are scrambling to distance themselves from radicals and put a pretty face on all of it. It ain't pretty, by any means. But it can be done.

"If you are not part of the solution, you're part of the problem."

following that star

2011-12-25T12:12:00.000-08:00

It always amazes me how long it took the wise men to get over to where the baby was born, but then camels are slow as molasses. We gathered as a family at my parents' house today and cooked up a wonderful brunch while they were at church. We had the kind of ham that Paula Deen likes all hand cut and fried up on mama's griddle next to some country sausage that he and his buddies made. Cheese grits, scrambled eggs and biscuits rounded it out. Oh, and muskedine jelly. I watched sadly as my father ate one thing at a time until it was all gone, his OCD being to the point that everything is rote. Mama was just tickled that we were there instead of at the doughnut place :)

BG and I discussed who might need some help since we were so blessed and it only took about 30 seconds to figure out which friend needed a hand. She came in late, after I was asleep and told me merry christmas for the hundredth time as she kissed me goodnight. This morning on the way to find an iced coffee, she happened upon a comical sight when a kid in swimming trunks ran out into the street chasing three cats who had JUST HAD BATHs! The mama didn't even know he was gone, and her parting words to BG were "What was I thinking?" Indeed, sista'.

I have been given an opportunity to get my house somewhat in order so as to not have to worry about bi-weekly loan shark visits. That will happen on time and never again. God bless the propane guy, he's next. I can only count it as one MORE blessing that the temps are running in the fifties here. I'm all about saving energy and the more the cost rises, the more I look toward natural sources. To hell with a bunch of foreign oil! We don't cook much anymore because it's too much trouble to wash, and easier to snack. That saves on the grocery bill. Cheese, eggs, crackers and turkey, and I'm all set!

Bubba gifted me with a big bottle of yellow tail and my very first scratch off tickets. I won a free ticket...go figure! Like I said before...gambling ain't my thang. There's enough sunlight left to walk the yard and build a fire so that's a distinct possibility. Nothing like a yule log. I'm just sayin'

Merry Christmas ya'll!

believe

2011-12-24T12:38:00.000-08:00

If I was a redneck, which is always a distinct possibility around these parts, I'd holler out "hold my beer and watch this!". I managed to get to the sawmill on time today after taking an extra thirty minute snooze on day 4 of countdown to Christmas day off. We had THE best time with the Krouser who is always great fun to shoot the shit with. As we sat there and remembered days gone by of working together with people whose names we can't even remember now, I felt at home for Christmas. Only your co-workers can get it when you mention somebody's most famous career moment. Per normal for a holiday, the ER was busy with really sick people, not just the ones who have a little ache or pain. The urgent care clinic is closed so there 'ya go.

I eased up to the mailbox, not sure if USPS even delivers on Saturday anymore and found an envelope with delivery confirmation on it. My first thought was "Damn! The dentist or the propane guy or the hand surgeon is taking me to court." I mean I always expect the worst and give a sigh of relief if there's no legal stuff in the box. Navigating the driveway around here almost requires an ATV out back and to the south side so I splashed on through the mud with dogs chasing, happy to be home. BG and I met in the kitchen and I proceeded to sort out the mail. She asked me what that thing was with the bow on front, and I ripped it open. Inside was a money order from someone who reads my ramblings and shares some of my beliefs. At first I thought it said 100 but I was all like "Who sent this?" Then I noticed the zeroes and I about fainted.

I will not divulge the amount, but suffice it say that the propane guy will be very happy and so will everybody else. BG is presently grocery shopping for the first time in forever for our household, and we have a few bucks to get clearance deals on clothes next week. I remember when the Nigerian conman sent me those shoes and electronics for shipment from my place to his and I turned it all over to homeland security. My friend the count told me when I sent it all back that I was due some serious good karma. And by golly...he was right.

I may even leave Santa some cookies and milk tonight ^j^

little miracles

2011-12-23T13:36:00.000-08:00

Seems like I mentioned some time ago about my friend whose husband and child were badly burned in a fire. It's been a very long road from Finley to Memphis and Cincinnati over the past month. She spent most of her time by Tripp's side while Delmer was treated for burns that eventually took his young life. I did not know him at all, but I knew Hannah from our work together and she is one of the brightest and most caring nurses I have ever known. You have to be to work in the public health sector like she does now! In my wildest dreams I can't imagine trying to feel blessed in the middle of such a tragedy, but I pray that for her because she's the real deal. When she mentioned that her father was single I asked about his "status" and she told me to look elsewhere. Now that's a great friend. I love you girl and this too shall pass. Keep the faith ^j^

A new and quite intelligent earth mother friend came by for a visit yesterday and we moved from room to room trying to find the warm spot as we talked about this and that and nothing at all. A few years older and wiser, she got in the family way during high school and they wouldn't even let her finish learning and challenged her GED. That's a southern redneck mentality if I ever saw one. She now teaches organic gardening to at-risk women who have children to feed. Big Ernie fixed that little random thing because we've lived 40 miles apart all our lives and never once met until my ethereal friend came back into the picture. Sweet bebe jeebus, I love it when that happens.

Today is number five of five with one off before heading back into the fray towards 2012. The heat is on ( for a change ) and the horse is still somewhere out of the fence unless he's in the mood for a barn nap. My brother called yesterday to tell me that he was laying down in the front yard. I reckon he's enjoying his golden years. I know that Faith is. I will sleep well on Christmas eve waiting for Santa knowing that the evil ones on the payroll tax got spanked. Like my daddy says "Janie, it has always been thus and so."

Merry Christmas all ya'll ^j^

over the river and through the woods

2011-12-21T13:12:00.000-08:00

It seems odd to be sitting here a few days shy of the big one and not have a worry in the world about the details of "having Christmas." I am a very big believer in that old fashioned sappy Santa Claus thing because my mama raised me to be just like her in that respect. We have gone, literally, from having anywhere from three to five celebrations of the season to our one planned meeting for a homecooked breakfast which will follow church. A part of me really wants to go with them simply because I'll never have that opportunity again. And that's the part that makes me really really sad to think about. I think I'll choose the path that doesn't make me sob my eyes out on Jesus's birthday, umkay?

My maternal grandparents were wealthy and our decent spreads from home were left laying to run over to their house and see that Santa came there too! There were eventually seven of us, directly from the Reaves bloodline. My Pawpaw died when he was 45 years old from heart disease and was, from what people have told me, one of the finest men on earth. Handsome too! He did have pattern baldness which both of my brothers acquired to some extent. Oh lord...that reminds me of a funny story. I had this friend one time...a doctor...who was so vain that he had hair implants done when his obviously genetic pattern baldness emerged during his thirties. This poor guy burned off all of his implants when the pool pump exploded in his face and had to have a do-over. I still chuckle about that sometimes.

Many of the physicians that I grew up learning to talk back to were real prima donnas who were living the Kildaire life with wives who didn't work and played bridge a lot. Their practices were private and they handled it there. Now, most practices are owned by corporate groups that dictate the who-what-when-where of delivering healthcare according to reimbursement by...you guessed it. Medicare, which will take a 27% bite out of physician payments next month if this bullshit in Washington does not cease. Don't get me started on the feds and healthcare because every ill that has burdened the fragmented system of care delivery has been impacted by chicken inspectors doing blood bank surveys. I saw it ya'll...in the eighties. That was before HIV was discovered, remember?

What I see now, on the front lines, is a desperate attempt by many people to live forever and that's not possible. Do I wanna die now? HELL no! But if I do, I don't think Big Ernie will turn me away because I've been good and even resisted the temptation to take on a Sugardaddy. As if that would ever happen, ya'll. Really. I'm telling you this and you can take it to the bank. If my tax rate goes up AT ALL because of these asshats playing games with my life, there will be hell to pay. Now..that should get me a firm spot on the radar of homeland security and the latest terrorist network on pecan lane.

To heck with 'em if they can't take a joke.

all is calm, all is bright

2011-12-20T13:36:00.000-08:00

Well, actually not but 'tis the season so..factor in a thunderstorm or two and you're having a homestyle Tennessee Christmas. Not much sun in the forecast which is bad for those folks like me who are low on the vitamin D thing. At least it's not cold enough to delete the propane stash yet. That will happen in January when the snow is bumper deep on the camry which still sports only one hubcap and hasn't had an oil change since the brake job last spring. She needs new tires too but that will have to wait because I got a bad report cards from all the people that I owe who want their money. Surely to goodness if you've read this far, you know who they are.

I'm sitting back and watching the GOP sell their souls to the devil at the expense of all of us, trying out a backdoor move to play chicken long enough in the Senate to where the majority of us working schmucks pay for their perks. Read my lips ya'll: "I'm mad as hell and I'm not gonna take it anymore!" My next vote will be informed. One of the saddest tales I ever read was about my natureboy blogger friend over on the east coast who got hit on his damn bicycle while out exploring nature. The man was, and is, a brilliant mind with a keen focus on conservation. We could use more of that. His wife, oddly enough, was a lung transplant recipient and her donor was a tennessean. Like brother Dave Gardner always said...Ain't life strange?

I gave one of my friends his gift of a framed picture of he and his son yesterday, and he seemed speechless. Dude didn't expect to get anything from anybody just because. It kinda got me in the spirit, you know what I mean? I see this past ~~year~~ decade as an indicator on the learning curve that our priorities are all wrong. Punishment for minor infractions of the law fund local forces at the state level. In my little 'burg, the entire state of MO has moved over to our discount pharmacies to purchase or steal their meth ingredients. They had it first, by the way..according to my experience. That concoction of poison is just a way of saying "come on and kill me." Because I have no hope.

Many people do not understand the problems that the lack of a basic education causes. If one is inclined to learn how to cope and get past that hurdle, things work out. But a very large portion of Americans want to sit back and cry like babies about how they got done wrong. Look ya'll...if you want to see wrong in the wikipedik dictionary, look back to events like the Holocaust and other ethnic cleansing experiments. That shit will make your skin crawl!! If you're a true victim of prejudice, have at it. If not? Shut the hell up.

Only four shopping days left 'til the big day and I'm working straight through so there goes time to run to the dollar store for last minute gifts. At this point, I could care less because it's not about that anymore. It's just about peace and love.
^j^

free at last, free at last

2011-12-19T10:30:00.000-08:00

Well, the score officially stands at 1 for that stubborn ass horse and zero for both myself and my brother. After firing up the electric wire only to have him proudly step over it toward the green stuff, we made an executive decision to let him roam. Until he either gets to the highway or on the airport runway, it's all good. The gate is open now and he comes and goes whenever he feels like it. The menu is wonderful what with all of the people giving him treats. Having a horse in your yard is not so really far fetched. My friend Sue had a swimming pool that ended up full of her brothers cows one year. Tore the HELL out of that liner getting them out, ya'll. Her young daughter was standing on the diving board in new school clothes waving her arms around to her them right smack into the water and through the fence. Pricelss memories!

Per our usual Sunday routine, breakfast will be served but at a different location. While Mom and Daddy go to church, we'll cook up the feast in her kitchen ready for their return trip to the red log cabin that we all came our home place. I remember the last time our entire family was together but it's been a long time. My youngest brother put up a tripod and shot the entire crew in front of their stone fireplace. That would be the one that caught the house on fire right before we were leaving to attend a Led Zeppelin concert. Yep..she loved me even then :) I have this ornery streak in me (see:stafford) that got a'hold of my social conscience at an early age when the law was shooting kids on college campuses for standing up for their beliefs. Pepper spray on peaceful protesters is the new age/politically correct way of doing the same. At least they're not making us cry on camera for YouTube.

My doors are locked at all times now because there are still folks everywhere scrounging around for 'cans. The hard freeze came late, even by southern standards, so they are ready to go. A few have permission....most are just checking out the experience of picking up something free from mother nature. If I

lived to be a thousand, I could never bend and stoop enough to pay the propane guy, though. I'm an old gal and did good to pick up 20 pounds of stuarts for baking and whatnot. Mama decided she wanted some chex mix yesterday so I hijacked all the cereal and mixed some up. She called me three times to tell me that she wanted her "little tornadoes" back. She has found her inner smartass, I do believe.

^j^

deck the halls

2011-12-17T08:33:00.000-08:00

A good 12 hour nap is all it took to make things look a bit brighter..along with the sun that is currently burning off a heavy fog. For an hour or so, I couldn't even spot the horse lurking around but now he's up next to the front porch, probably looking for some kind of food. Good luck on that buddy..even the birds are hungry around here!

Still watching, listening and shaking head in disgust as Congress messes us around one more time. Get over the pipelines and entitlements, ya'll. We are about to go belly up in a world market where there are others much worse off than us. Everyone is searching for answers from the far left to the uber-right. We elected you as a PERSON with personal conviction, not a recipient of the corporate money that lobbyists throw around so freely. Both parties do it to excess, and that can only mean one thing: Somebody owes somebody something in return.

Along with the fog, an uneasiness lies wrapped around our community as we pull together for those who are fighting what seemed to be impossible odds. My friend Hannah has kept the roads hot for a month now, traveling to see her hubby and young son who were injured in a house fire. She is a nurse, and a damn good one. High five to the McNeil family! Another friend is graduating from college today at the "big house" AKA FedEx forum. I have known Meredith since her bartending days at my brother's nightclub. Her sister and I worked weekends together and I watched as all of their girls grew from babies to young ladies with attitude like their mamas. Strong women rock...hat tip to you Meredith!!

Still no word on the cause of death for Karen Swift. It is a very tight leak free investigation, and I admire that. At times like this, there is a big temptation to repeat the same news over and over and keep the mystery alive. Nancy Grace has even gotten a'hold of it to squawk over. It is a tragedy in and of itself, and there will be no justice for those kids no matter what happened. As my therapist would say "here's the thing...."

I am remembering back to a couple of Christmas seasons where all I wanted was for my BG to be okay and safe at home. One of those was just last year. We have had many tumultuous times since then, and learned to look each other in the eye with the truth...sometimes laughing and other times just hugging as we sob for what was and can't be undone. This is the best gift I have received since her birth. Love ya..mean it.

I am listening to Christmas music, Spotify style and closing my eyes as Michael W. Smith's "All is Well" fills me with the spirit. Next up, Kathy Mattea...

Merry Christmas all ya'll ^j^

da' mood

2011-12-15T13:22:00.000-08:00

It is a gray day. Again. Once again I find myself incredibly grateful not to be the extreme depressive type once I'm medicated. It's hard enough to keep smiling with the celexa! Today at work was "one of those" where whatever could happen did, and then some. Thank god it wasn't really busy or we would've been sunk. I seriously love it when that happens. The horse is out in the yard. Again. What started out as an easy 50 bucks on the rent has turned into a daily job of rounding him up and waiting for the next escape. If he makes it through the winter without my brother strangling him with the wire, he's meant to live a few more years.

Mom and daddy are perking along down the road, snuggled in their recliners in front of a warm stove and some tiny trees. They have a clock that plays a Christmas song on the hour. The girls at Angel's got one too! I feel very blessed to have learned the habits and rhythms of my parents' lives while they grow old. Sometimes it seems just one more detail to take care of, but if I stop and really think about how many people would give up a limb to be in my shoes..well, I shudder. The economy is shitty. Life is hard. Once those basic realities are accepted and grieved, the healing can begin. And, yes. I was indeed a Scott Peck groupie. It's an integral part of the quilt that is my life.

Since I am ~~so broke~~ not much of a shopper, it is kind of a devilish gift to myself not to even consider anything other than spending time with the fam. Like Bubba said the other day: " I never thought they'd see another winter." All is well.

^j^

if at first you don't succeed.....try, try again

2011-12-14T12:22:00.000-08:00

One of my co-workers mentioned today, in reference to my eternal stream of bad luck, that they say when you have lots of trials, there is that much more happiness and joy in the payback that comes around. She laughingly said that it looked like my place in heaven is gonna be rockin'! I told her that I hoped it comes soon, but then I thought about what I had said and thought...well. Maybe not yet! I remember talking with my daddy about heaven and hell as a kid, trying to wrap my little bitty mind around the concept of forever. He told me then, and I still believe to this day...that he saw heaven as here on earth, and hell too. It is, quite simply, what you make of the gift of life that was given to you by Big Ernie. A grateful attitude for that life, in spite of trials and tribulations over the rough spots, is the only way I've survived this financial disaster of a life of mine. I'm a well educated healthcare professional who gets paid a decent salary but forks over much it to the government. The one that I don't much care for, by the way.

So far, Tennessee has no payroll tax because our sales tax is almost 10%, even on food. I see our state lottery as a double edged sword. The income boost for state coffers has been tremendous, yet our state healthcare program treats many of those who have nothing more to look forward to in life than winning a jumbo buck. All income brackets play, but the ones who really seem to get that gleam in their eyes are always the ones who need it most. I remember one time a friend took me to a casino and kept shoving hundred dollar bills at me to play.play.play! I caught myself wondering if she would notice if I kept two or three for the rent ;) I have several vices, but gambling is definitely not one of them.

I have decided today that the GOP is much craftier than I give them credit for. After all this hooray with Cain and Perry and the women, now Newt Gingrich is looking like the golden boy. President Newt? Oh boy. I hope he doesn't get offended easily at state dinners. I read the first chapter of Dubya's memoir today, about the quitting. He is a personable man who didn't have a clue what he had gotten himself into and listened to all the wrong people at all the wrong times. But then again, many other presidents have done the same. I never thought I'd see the day that I failed to blame him for the wars, but considering what's happened in the meantime, I would shift that blame to the finance industry. Money makes the world go around and the devil tapdance.

Faith's boyfriend is hanging around hoping to see his honey while it's still "on". He's a beautiful red shorthaired dog with a boxer sort of face and big sad eyes. I feel sure I can get him to pose shortly. The other day there were THREE boys in the yard circling and we locked her down. One was a chihuahua, no less. BG and I tried to figure out how he would manage that one with a lab!

Peace out ya'll ^j^

next verse

2011-12-13T08:56:00.000-08:00

Here we are again....in the dark tapping away on the keyboard like there's no shopping to be done! It will be a point and click kind of Christmas with shots from the previous year carefully framed if I get my act together before New Year's. If not, Santa will be do his thing and all the children will get wired over receiving things their parents can't really afford. We did that for a lot of years...until the bottom fell out and the plastic people wanted their money. There is a local bank that I shall not name which still lists me as ass deep in debt to them over a credit card that was charged off in a BK. Lots of interest accrued over those fifteen years, ya'll. Great way to treat your locals.

The media focus here has changed from where is she to who done it. Karen Swift's body was dumped in a kudzu pile adjacent to an old family cemetery. We are small town folks around here, and it's startling when the randomness of crazy begins to seep into the 'burg. We've got enough of the homegrown kind! Meth is the drug of choice for most of the under and unemployed therefore we have to sign in with the state to buy real Sudafed. Trust me..a house will go up in flames in a hurry when you're cooking that shit. Trailers too. It eats the enamel off of users' teeth and causes them to pick at their skin constantly. Cleaning up a meth lab fire is costly and highly regulated turning into a big problem for landlords who don't know what's going on in their rentals. And just think, now the poor cancer patients in California will have to buy their cannabis from a street dealer. Shame on you justice department...I feel so safe.

My favorite place to drop in for free air is at the service station downtown next to the building I was born in, right across from the Methodist church. Daddy's office was in the basement when he worked for the USDA, before he hit the road. Every time I pull into that dark parking lot, I think about Ray and how he was murdered in cold blood by someone he was trying to help on a Sunday morning. Turned out the guy was on a rampage across several states and he was just at the wrong place at the wrong time. At his own business. I remember walking out from church that day and noticing police tape...sure that it was nothing more than a broken hydrant or something. Only later did I find out that Mr. Patterson died on the concrete as we sang hymns next door.

There are bills to be paid and floors to be mopped because it's Christmas and the house must be decent, if not spotless. Pride's fence is hot again so we won't have to be herding him into the lot for awhile. I watched through the window yesterday as my brother patiently fenced him in as dark fell, just like Daddy did for so many years. It was a bittersweet moment as I watched the familiar scene being placed within my view only with a different farmer. Gawd...I love the country!!!!!

^j^

virgin faith

2011-12-12T09:13:00.000-08:00

Our beautiful brown chocolate lab has periods just like all girls will, usually all over the floor and whatnot. We understand and follow her patiently...cleaning up the proof of her femalehood! She has never had puppies, though I suspect she had a mighty fine time with that big red dog she managed got hung up with. In all my life I've never had an experience like trying to get that shit unglued. NOTHING helped. She was just looking at me with big sad eyes like "Really, Mom?"

The tragedy that has hung in our local air since Halloween is one step closer to being explained with the discovery of a body out by the cross on the bluff, quite close to where Karen disappeared mysteriously. Her family includes four children. There will be no peace for them for many years. I have kept up with the case in Connecticut where the doctor's wife and daughters were assaulted and killed. When I look at his face in court I can see the pain etched there...everything that he loved was taken away by people who don't care about the value of human life. I still remain opposed to the death penalty, because frankly...I think that's too good for some folks. Let 'em rot in the jail if they won't rehab. There comes a point in every addict's life when he or she decides whether or not the devil will win. There will be battles after that, but they can be dealt with effectively by talking with friends and taking the "happy pills" that are cheap and effectively manage berserk serotonin levels in this crazy world. In other words: Get a life.

Looks like we have a guest on the couch tonight so I'd best be getting my smartass in gear with the cleaning. I was up early enough to catch today's sunrise and my mouth fell open as I ran for the camera and watched it come up over that ancient barn. Pride has been out grazing for 24 hours now and shows no signs of runnin' off anytime soon. If he makes it to the by-pass we're all in trouble! He'll come in a hurry when I rattle the feed bag. Just like kids, they are.

Two days off with a light agenda makes Poopie a happy girl. Let's hold that thought, ya'll. As my little buddy Tripp says "Happy birthday Jesus!"

^j^

talk to the animals

2011-12-10T12:54:00.000-08:00

Thanks to my tech savvy friends, my one kinda sorta day off can be spent piddling my little heart out tune by tune with Spotify. Once again, thank you DBF. My bossfriend is still running the show from home which involves at least an every other day shuttle with things printed out because she can't do it there. Her party cocker Gracey knows not to even bark at me now! We play the game with the ball where she catches it and then she growls when I try to get it back. Um hmm...very spoiled rotten doggie, sort of like all of mine. Oscar has potty issues which probably hail from his sheer torture with the repeated back injury which may or may not have been inflicted by a human. The scars are healed nicely and there's even hair growing in that spot again. One.Year.Later. He was our Christmas animal of 2010!

A few years prior, we got Lilypie from BG's boss at the time when she was just a calico kitten. Now she's a full fledged diva complete with sharp claws with which she perpetually shreds the couches. It's more fun than a post, I reckon. When she gets enough of the three dog action up in here, her kitty ass sneaks out the back door and to the barn or under the porch steps for some quiet feline meditation. One other year, Yaya ~~gifted me with~~ talked me into taking in a cat who had been run over whom she promptly rescued and took to the vet for "rehab." This poor cat had brain damage or something and all he did was walk in circles around the house, thus his name Circle K. Two months later we finally realized that he would never have any quality of life so we had him euthanized. The employees at the vet's office who took him from my arms were the same ones who had handed him over to me at Christmas.

There are still people up and down the lane picking up wild pecans with a view of the Forked Deer backwater at the end. Fortunately it didn't get "moving out" high this time, but we were on standby for a few days. My friend Sue says that I have a little black cloud hovering over me most all the time, and I tend to agree. My finances are like working a freakin' puzzle what with loan sharks to be paid and re-upped with and the usual things like dentists, hand surgeons and propane guys who want their money. By serendipity, I found some $$ I didn't know I had at the credit union and went to pick it up prior to the 2PM deadline when three overdraft fees were set to pounce. As I walked into the lobby of the credit union at 1:30, their computer system went COMPLETELY belly up. After about fifteen minutes they got tired of the frantic look on my clock-watching face and did a manual thingie so I could make the deadline. Ironically, at MY work today....the same thing happened with no warning. Two fun filled hours with everybody going WTF and acting like they'd never heard of a downtime plan. The supervisor, bless her heart, actually came down and offered to help us because she knew we'd be neck deep in alligators. SHE will get a thank you card ;)

I've had plenty of time to adjust to being single (again) and now that I look back, I realize that I had settled again. While my ~~boyfriend~~ roommate was fairly laid back, it was never about me and always about himself. Been there, got several t-shirts. We remain friends, and it makes me sad to think how compatible we would be if it weren't for that little item, which is huge in my book. I'm not a diva by any means, and remain fairly low maintenance..but geez. By the time he left, I was akin to a piece of furniture or something. No remorse...no thanks for taking he and his in during a time when they had nowhere else to go. I am told that is just how he rolls...like a stone. (see previous girlfriends) Pollyanna that I am, I assumed that it was different with me.

Per my stellar luck, one of my expensive ass crowns broke off in my mouth this morning during breakfast, post and all. This is especially bad since the dentist is one of the ones tapping his foot for payment. At least it doesn't show when I smile! When I look at it laying it my hand, I have a hard time imagining 1500 bucks. My dear friend Gigi, knowing that my spirits needed some lifting, gifted me with a cut and color at the home of our LPN/hairdresser friend the other evening right in the middle of her kitchen. When I told her it was "just like Steel Magnolias" Steph immediately claimed to be Truvie. Love it.

^j^

chillin'

2011-12-07T15:00:00.000-08:00

BG and I head to her couch/bed every afternoon to catch up with each other and watch some comedy before we go to our own happy places. Sometimes we cook...on occasion a kind stranger shows up with dinner, but not often. We've been through some shit, and both of us are wore ass out. We got to chatting today about the state of the world and whatnot and I couldn't help but throw it out there that her generation has a chance to turn things around, now that we know what will always be thus and so until somebody gets pissed off to demand change. She commented that the hippie mother and fatherhood thing probably won't hurt that prospect. The ones who will shrivel up like a wicked witch under the house are the folks who have lived and died robbing others.

Here's the deal. I am really REALLY mad about random things when I see injustice being done. One of those issues is the mandate by the DEA to close down the medicinal marijuana shops in California even though it is legal in their state. These people are growing their own stuff, marketing it and are paying taxes on their sales. WTF????? If we had taken it on as a cash crop the Mexican drug wars would have never happened. Why? Go figure. All of the poor people everywhere want to live here because we have rights...except they don't. They are at the mercy of government officials who want to be able to show their faces at church and the country club. Oh, and on Fox news. My daddy was an employee of the USDA all of his life, raising cattle and farming on the side. In his prime, he plotted the progress of the Japanese beetle across the cotton fields of the southeastern United States. The last five years before his retirement at the age of 55 he got shipped to Miami to meet the boat people coming over from Cuba. Talk about culture shock! My buddy Tim who inherited that job is permanently stationed at the Memphis airport doing whateverthehell that step toward retirement involves. He's a new grandpa, by the way.

Gotta strand of lights to fill in that gap on the tree. We also picked up the usual and are mighty glad to get that out of the way. I woke to a surprise snow this morning and really enjoyed the visuals on the way to work. All is well for the moment. We'll see how that goes, umkay?

^j^

acting as if

2011-12-05T12:54:00.000-08:00

When recovering from most any sort of drama or trauma one of the key factors in a successful path is the ability to "act as if" everything were okay when really it all seems to be going to hell in a hand basket. It's called gratitude. Now, not to the point where you ignore obvious problem spots in relationships and personal growth, but a more positive orientation toward change. For the past ten years, money has been just one of the many problems I've wrestled with as a single woman with an adult child COLLEGE EDUCATED child in today's economy. Now, two years after her graduation, the lender who put her 25K in debt is hounding not only her, but me. Because I have a job and she doesn't. Because I was a REFERENCE, not a co-signer...mind you, they call me five times a day and sent me letters in both my married and maiden names telling me what's up. Their way of getting to her is by hounding me. All I can say is good luck peeps...unless the sky opens up and rains down on her with a job, we're ALL out of luck. That's how I have to look at it to stay sane.

Some of you may remember when DirecTV ran my debit card to the tune of 500 bucks for early termination fees when I had not signed a contract with them. The bank made them give it back (three months later) and they've been on my ass ever since. That has been on my credit report for six years now and I don't care, because sometimes you just have to stand up and say hell to the no! Other companies do it too, but now they are required to explain a little more clearly that signing a carbon copy when the installer drops by is a "contract." Plus, consumers have become much wiser following years of terror led by big finance. Several of my older co-workers are staying on because the economy is so bad that what they had left after the crash isn't enough to live on. Millions and millions of hard earned dollars frittered away by company CEOs and fund managers living the high life. It has happened before, and more than likely will happen again before the end of time. Greed isn't something easily controlled.

The owners of the place where I live are very wealthy people and much of it comes from the finance industry. Over the years I've wrestled with the right and wrongness of me paying out the ass to live in this old house just because I like the view while they're off sailing somewhere. The ~~heir apparent~~ one who got stuck with the whole deal when daddy retired is somewhat more interested in the history and land conservation than his father ever was. When I first moved here the fences were falling down and it was no big thing to be out chasing cattle in the cornfield. After daddy retired and my brother took over, he slowly but surely began the process of crafting the place into a masterpiece of well drained and soon to be irrigated cropland. He grew up learning the lessons that taught him how to take over when it got to be too much for daddy. And boy was THAT a tough transition! Remind me to tell ya'll how many boxes and garbage bags I hauled out of his office that day...and spiders too.

The rent went up and I get a small break for taking care of Pride which also involves a lot of fences that don't work. He had a live wire around him for a few years but he knows it's dead now and just steps right over it to plod down our driveway toward the lane. We don't even notice anymore, rounding him up with treats as we head in. The wind is howling now and fortunately the expected flood won't happen. I mean, when I heard that there were flood warnings again, I was like "Really?" The end of the lane is covered but that's normal for a heavy rainfall. The poor old Camry with one hubcap has some mighty rusty rims ya'll.

I've been listening to music and decorating my little smartass off for Christmas. As if by ESP, Pride just stepped into my point of view through the living room window, bending his head toward the northwest wind and grazing like there's no tomorrow. He's been alive for about 30 years and it's worked for him so I should probably act like him.

^j^

anticipation

2011-12-04T11:27:00.000-08:00

I discovered after checking the calendar today that Advent has commenced which might explain how I came up with the spirit to put together mama's old tree in the living room/office. One strand of lights is either bad or not plugged into the rest of them correctly so there's a bit of a gap in lighting, but that's okay. We pretty much roll that way most of the time. It is what it is in this day and time, and I choose to look ahead.

The predicted monsoon began this morning but so far hasn't been very heavy. We're hoping that the tributaries don't all get crazy like they tend to do close to the mighty Mississippi when it gets full. That's when the trusty old Camry fails to navigate and old Poops needs a tall truck to get to the sawmill. Plus, you've got your grands sittin' down there on low ground with no access to emergency services when the water is up. I don't think they could go in James Frank's boat this time!

Daddy skipped his doughnut fix today because he got a bellyache last time from gobbling down all that sugar on top of a full breakfast. I failed to notice a familiar white truck in the lot what with all the scurrying in and out in the rain. As I was seated across from them I glanced up to see a dear friend finishing his breakfast. We caught up on our families and his golf game and he was on his way to the airport in Memphis to deliver a son to a plane headed back to the army. C looks (and acts) a whole lot like his daddy ;)

There are three sleeping dogs on the loveseat beside me. I haven't seen Lily in a couple of days which is okay. Her ornery kitty ass wears me out when she's mad at BG which has been a lot lately. She is strictly outdoor trained, but when she's in that mood the towels in the bathroom close (with no doors) are her anger therapy. YUK! I'm sure old Pride is in the barn staying dry and just waiting for somebody to dish out the sweet feed.

I finally found the nativity scene buried in boxes of treasures from days gone by. All the pieces came from family members, mostly my ceramic crazy Gaga. There is a pre-school era pine cone tree, sprayed green with a star on top made by none other than babygirl. It makes a nice transition from the pine cone turkey into the Christmas season.

Faith. Hope. Love.

The greatest of these is love.

^j^

okay then

2011-12-03T07:12:00.000-08:00

When I first started blogging one of the most followed bloggers in my state was a guy known as South Knox Bubba. An employee of some big bank related corporation, he was, and I presume still is, a liberal like myself and quite vocal about politics and local news plus big orange sports. Dude's blogroll included too many links to click, but I always enjoyed visiting there for my daily dose of "kickass." Bubba got "outed" to his employer and lost his job because of it. This was during the time that big banks were handing out money to everybody and their brother even when they knew we couldn't pay, so his political views didn't set well with corporate. He wasn't Dooce by any means, but close. It is because of him that I am aware of the corporate greed that is rampant in East Tennessee. See: BCBS mansion in Chattanooga. And like TVA...ya'll better stop me now because I'm about to rant.

There is rarely anything more interesting than the obits or somebody's kid playing soccer in our local paper. Yesterday while ~~slaving away at the sawmill~~ browsing their online edition, I noticed a piece about our local power board calling TVA to task for putting a large surcharge on our utility bills, which they must pass on to customers. It began in April of '10 I believe, and is significant enough in the summer that I have to split my bills to be able to pay, which they allow twice a year. Executives of this giant company who have charged out the ass to "recover costs from flooding, twisters, ash spills, yadayada" were awarded nice bonuses for the holidays, and that just sucks a big one right now, ya know? In an economic atmosphere where solid middle class citizens with good jobs like myself have to borrow from friends to survive, something is wrong. I'll be the first to admit that I'm not really good with finance, but I've worked long and hard enough to be able to get a decent raise when that kind of shit is going on. I am eagerly awaiting TVA's reply to our locals. Make it sound good, ya'll. Umkay???

We made mama Staff's cutout Christmas cookies last night and the table was still covered with flour and sprinkles when I headed in to start the great cleanup. Conner and his girls came over and we whipped up the butter cookies and iced 'em. Anybody who feels froggy might want to try this simple recipe:

1/2 cup butter, softened
3/4 cup sugar
1 egg
1 1/2 t vanilla
1 1/2 cup AP flour

Cream together butter and sugar. Beat in egg and vanilla. Sift flour into butter mixture and stir well. Chill dough for one hour.

Roll out thin on a floured surface and cut with cookie cutters. Place on lightly greased baking sheet. Bake at 350 for six to eight minutes or until slightly brown around the edges. Remove to rack for cooling and decorate to your heart's delight.

The tree still isn't up...in fact the floor hasn't even been swept. We're waiting for the repo man to show up any day now for BG's car. But you know what? I believe.

^j^

in all things, moderation

2011-12-01T12:43:00.000-08:00

That sounds kinda biblical which is unusual for me. My cynical brand of spirituality tends to lean toward the left which is more of a peace and love conservationist sort of world view. I mean gah...they've been telling us for years what a shame it is that so much of mother earth has been destroyed in the quest for corporate products. As a baby boomer, I saw the good times that followed WWII and the spending orgy that has become the collapse of our American economy just for a buck. Rather than using natural materials that profit the citizens of OUR country, we spend a brazillion bucks doing a big dance called the import/export biz. Once again President Clinton, I'm sorry that was your legacy. I'm sure it seemed right at the time.

My therapist has this phrase that I love which begins most every sentence in which he offers gentle advice. "Here's the thing" he says. He takes what I've rambled onandonandon about, knowing our history, and helps me to more clearly see options to get out of the mess, no matter how bad it is. It is a fifteen year relationship that has bound our family together following some mighty big drama. No wonder I'm single! Nobody wants to be effin' analyzed all the time ;)

The latest roommate at Casa Poopie has moved into a house and is somewhat settled so it's just me and BG plus the critters. The heat is working now but we're ~~praying that propane guy doesn't lose patience~~ being quite conservative so as not to freeze pipes in January. I have exactly four dollars and 34 cents in my checking account and my first retirement payment didn't show up at the bank today. If ya'll are the prayin' sort, please bump that little request up to the top of your list for just one night. That would give me some relief until payday.

BG went to visit the grands for lunch today and left early because he was in a mood about their chatter during the news. Whatever. If mama wants to talk it's her house too! My brave little toaster of a social worker daughter stands up to his ornery ass too, unlike me. Even in my forties he could bring me to tears by ranting at me like a running Stafford. Gah. I turned out okay and all, geez. He never understood why "my generation" didn't like the Vietnam war. As a veteran of the Korean war and poor sharecropper's son he didn't understand why it was wrong because our country said we were in danger. That was the beginning of the military orgy.

We are in a place right now where Americans have had their voices heard and everybody knows that the gig is up when it comes to big government. All you have to do is look at the response to Hurricane Katrina and know that we are not prepared as a nation to defend ourselves. Because everybody's fighting some battle somewhere else on our payroll, risking their life, to defend our honor and what we believe in. That does not includes oil spills in the Gulf, by the way. Shame on your BP.

I guess that's the extent of today's ramble. Peace out ^j^

just another manic monday

2011-11-28T13:40:00.000-08:00

Oh boy. Today was a fast paced payback for a four day weekend from start to finish! My boss is still laid up in the bed with a broken bone on the mend. I made a couple of housecalls today delivering time sheets and whatnot so that she can at least steer the ship by remote from her home setup. She's in such pain that there's nothing much but going from chair to bed with her for a good while. Sometimes, you just don't have a choice except to be still.

The sawmill was buzzing as the weather changed from cold rain to snow coming down in big fat sloppy flakes. Of course this thrills my propane challenged self to no end. We are about to go all out redneck and cover the windows with blankets that won't come down until March. Take THAT big oil! I refuse to stack up more debt just for the luxury of staying warm when there is a kind hearted soul out there who kept me that way last winter and never got paid. This too shall pass, Butch. Income tax time is coming up buddy! If I can't occupy Wall Street the least I can do is to occupy my own domain with conviction. As BG says: "It's hoodie time!"

Monday monday...how I hate to leave thee behind. Yeah...right.

^j^

good karma comes calling

2011-11-27T08:13:00.000-08:00

Well I'll be damned if the karma from my brush with a Nigerian con artist didn't show itself this week, one that I thought would be spent wondering how to pay the rent. That's still an issue, but at least the mood is a lot mellower and there's some team building going on as I type. Plus a damn good chapter in the book. We are women, hear us roar. BG is on the way for eggs and doughnuts while I play hooky from the real world for one more day. Sweet.

Pecan ~~poachers~~ pickers have left the lane because it's cold and wet and they have actually cleaned out what's there until a hard freeze. My neighbor told me they had 300 plus pounds. It's good exercise too! Straw bale gardening has been the topic of the many conversations that I've shared lately, and it appeals to my hippie side on many levels. Great way to keep weeds out and recycle our precious environment.

I haven't watched any news for three days so I'm smooth out of touch with what the candidates are or are not doing. I will say this...if my income tax refund is not there on the spot, I will occupy DC live and in person to throw a hissie fit, also known as the "running Stafford" variety. They are not pretty, ya'll and I reserve them for special occasions. I've learned to be a pick-your-battle kind of gal and if it doesn't promote justice and growth, it doesn't register on my radar. Simple country girl philosophy is a great tool for navigating life.

As Ike would say "Peace out!"

^j^

the next chapter

2011-11-26T06:39:00.000-08:00

I'll be damned if I didn't sit down to bitch and whine about my lot in life on Thanksgiving just like it wasn't still the season. Luckily life distracted me with other things and that never got published for the whole world to say "aww, poor baby". I do so try not to be negative...my mama taught me that there's always an element of faith in making change of any kind. Our last roommate is a distant memory except for a stray athletic sock or golf tee. There is a transitional thing going on here now that I'm totally in love with. Kinda like an extended slumber party where she runs for grub.

We finished off the rest of the leftovers last night and our bellies said thankyouverymuch. After one day of sunshine the rain is setting in again for the weekend. I bet mama will play hooky from church tomorrow. And we all know she'll get fussed at by Mr.OCD....sigh. She's learned to take it and roll over for some more ZZZZs. She has earned that right. She was always very active in our local UMC and helped to establish an outreach ministry to the elderly where members served communion to them in their homes. We would pick up the "blessed" sacraments and knock on doors to visit and pray with them.

Daddy has already passed out in the choir once before but their little community of believers caught him and I hauled 'em home. Every time I drive by there on Sunday morning if there's an ambulance I wait for the phone to ring. We're had more than our share the past few years. And, invariably, it happens on a holiday. We have spent one Mother's Day and two Easters in the ER, not to mention numerous emergency trips by one of us to put out some small fire like missing pills. They are still determined to do some things for themselves and I respect that. Their friend Ms Faye comes most every day and is like an answer to prayer for the perfect companion.

Though never one to rush the Christmas season, I'm anxious to get the nativity scene and advent wreath in place. The practical side of me knows that there will be nothing under it. But my spiritual side takes over and says that it doesn't matter.

^j^

turkey talk

2011-11-22T08:26:00.000-08:00

It is two days before Thanksgiving and here I sit in shorts and a t-shirt planning what to cook. Only in the south! Since my bed was also inhabited by two dogs and one BG, I got up early and hit the floor running to the dollar store for my one outing of the day. Stopping by my parents' house to pick up a few pecans was the last task on the short list. I'll soon be boiling a whole boatload of eggs to devil because my brother wants his "own" stash to take home. Mom decided against the sweet 'tater casserole this year since most of it ended up on the walls last year due to mixer problems ;)

I am so thankful to be here..right now..where I am, in a country where people can say and do most anything they like and not be persecuted. Pepper spraying peaceful college protesters is not on the list, by the way. I dared to share my disdain for that big noisy news channel that all the conservative people like and boy did I take a facebook beating! Sorry ya'll. I'm so sick of all of it I could just go up to the mountain top and never look back. News isn't all bad, as evidenced by the kinder gentler type of reporting about human interest and peaceful solutions. But of course there's the old saying "If it bleeds, it leads" so there you go. Back to the money thing again!

There is some kind of huge front coming through today that will drop the temps about twenty degrees and hopefully knock the rest of those pecans down. They're still hanging in there swinging in the breeze taunting me. After the next hard freeze, I'll start shaking them. It has been amazing to watch all the locals come around just to re-visit the joy of 'can picking. There is NO POSSIBLE way to do it and look like a lady so you learn quickly to sit and crawl in a circle. Those picker upper thingies are for the birds, too.

Not much has changed. I'm still broke and tired and sometimes lonely. But, in spite of that I am filled with gratitude for all the many blessings that are a part of my life. I have a good job working with people who love me and a family that is still standing even though some of us are miles apart. Every day I make a new friend or see some old ones, and that bond is what keeps me going when all of the others are stretched past their limits. I am particularly thankful for the native Americans who extended their friendship to a bunch of determined sea travelers all those years ago and joined them at the table when the crop came in.
Thanksgiving is about recognizing and celebrating the bounty that is a gift from Big Ernie. Sometimes it's money...and sometimes it's just the moment.
Happy Thanksgiving all ya'll ^j^

holiday cheer

2011-11-21T17:52:00.000-08:00

My worldly friend is still somewhere on a beach so I took on her shift for one day of the rotation. It worked pretty well today, giving me some sleep-in time following several 5AM days. What I've discovered about swinging shifts is that it's hard to adjust, especially for ~~elderly~~ people in their golden years like myself. And to top it all off, our boss has a broken bone and is laid up in the sawmill! Her dogchild Gracey Lynn came to visit the first two days but she's due to go home soon.

Before work, I went to the funeral home and viewed my dear friend's daddy. She wasn't there yet, and I met a couple of family members that I didn't know were. That's the cool thing about funeral gatherings...you always meet somebody new, kinda like at a family reunion. I ran into a Lake county cuz the other day and he's planning on a big holiday party for the whole clan. Only his wife doesn't know it yet!

In a bizarre twist of events, my massage therapist responded to a text message that my back was a mess and the bitch was acting up big time. That was an answered prayer if I ever got one. One of my favorite Melodie Beattie stories is about when she was rock bottom wore ass out and called a friend to see her through it. That friend showed up with a bottle of oil and massaged her feet until the ugly cry went away. Hmm..that sounds biblical.

My goal of having the dining room clean by Thanksgiving is within reach but for a good floor mopping. Nobody wants to eat here so we'll haul it all down to the red log cabin and let Mama cluck over the whole deal. Why? Because that's what families do.

And for that? I am forever grateful.

one story at a time

2011-11-18T13:19:00.000-08:00

If there is one pivotal figure in my desire to write it is newspaper columnist David Waters. When I was in therapy I read his columns faithfully (print edition, by the way) and was captured by his ability to tell someone's story and preserve the dignity and pride involved with overcoming obstacles in life. The one time I was a church delegate to my conference, I remember seeing him come in and cover the entire political process that is involved with being denominational. Mostly he wrote about the pain and suffering of Memphians who rose above it all to become at peace with themselves and the world. He covered efforts by local congregations to help those in need close by, and that was...and is..something that is a part of my soul. When I gushed like a groupie that he should "write a book" his response was that he was doing exactly that, one story a week. Faith matters dude.

So far I've gotten away with not turning the central unit on and bundling up instead. Those itty bitty electric heaters keep one room warm which is all we need. Well, actually two of 'em. The rest of the house is like ice! I refuse to flick the switch until it gets into the twenties and stays there. That's the good thing about living in Tennessee I reckon. I have a feeling that this winter will be my last here on the hill with snow blowing through the pines and drifting across the road. Karma is nudging me to move on and take care of myself instead of everybody else.

I called my friend Vick today just to let her know that my heart is still broken and she was sitting in the oncologist's office with our girl Paula getting things checked out. They both love me and can't wait to be in the book.

Happy weekend ya'll. I'll be saving lives for the next few days in preparation for my long holiday weekend. And yes, I am thankful.

^j^

oh happy day

2011-11-17T11:33:00.000-08:00

My habit used to be sleeping away days off, staying up late prowling around the house and sacking out for at least twelve hours. Now that I'm a permanent early morning person at the sawmill, I hit the hay pretty dang early, especially since it's darker longer. This morning BG and I set about the task of delivering mama to hair and back and stopping by the frame shop that my aunt and cousin used to own. While they did their business, I went through the metal detector at the courthouse and slid upstairs for that official copy of the divorce. The farm research wasn't in the stars today because it's gonna' take more than one of us to figure that puzzle out and Bub is working. After we dropped her off at Angel's we stopped in on a dear friend and her beautiful babygirl. Ten minutes of laying on a quilt urging that precious bunch of innocence to roll over was better for the soul than most anything I've done lately.

After that we ~~visited the loan shark~~ shopped around for a lender so that yesterday's check at the grocery store doesn't bounce. While standing at the counter watching old girl take care of a million things and flirt at the same time, an old schoolmate walked in and she was GLOWING. We hugged and she proceeded to tell me her story. My age and single, she is a prison guard about 30 miles south of here. Her financial situation was so bad that she had to LIVE at work because she couldn't afford the gas. Last Sunday and Monday, she said...the walls began to close in on her and she prayed for Big Ernie to just get her out of that situation whatever way he saw fit. Two days later, she won 150K on a five dollar jumbo buck. As you all know, Tennessee has a lottery which is supposed to be used for education but, in fact keeps the state government floating. Kay said that when she went to the bank all the people there wanted to touch her for luck. Her kids got an early hoho of several thousand, and mama's loans got paid off. She told me that if anybody ever told her again that there is no God, that she'll tell that story. Amen, sista'.

It's cold here now and the colors are absolutelyfreakin' beautiful! Time to hike out there and channel my frenzy with the camera.

^j^

making nice

2011-11-16T05:48:00.000-08:00

Here we are a month after the smooth roommate departure and I'm sittin' here looking like this still shaking my head over my total vulnerability from start to finish. Looks like the old adage about not knowing someone until you live with them is true. There were parts of me that totally felt like shredding the clothes that were left so that he would have to buy new shorts for the golf course next summer. But then, I'm better than that. Mama raised me that way, ya know. I have learned that healthy anger is best felt and expressed or else it turns into a big fat messy blob turning inward on the soul. There will be a fire, but not with clothes. It will be a celebration...one to dance around in anticipation of a new chapter in life with lessons learned tucked firmly into my brain for the next round.

Thunder and lightning rolled in during the night and knocked out power on the lane. When I woke up sometime later still in the dark, there was an electric company truck in my driveway to the rescue. And I didn't even call them. How's that for service? Thanks to them, I'm able to rise and shine and enjoy a day away from the sawmill tapping on the keyboard. I guess that makes the TVA's ridiculous surcharge somewhat more bearable, but still not fair to the 99%. It has rained without ceasing for over 24 hours now, typical dreary November weather. If I could buy some serotonin and snort it, today would be the day. If I had the money, that is.

My friend is on a plane headed to Puerto Rico as we speak, on a mission to finish an August vacation that totally got slammed by Hurricane Irene. I expect a beach picture in the next day or two to remind me that there still is a world outside of the 'burg and hope for the weary. My last vacation was two and a half years ago and a distant memory. Maybe someday, when sugardaddy shows up.

Today's agenda also includes a visit to the courthouse to do some research on the farm and get a copy of my divorce decree. As it turns out, when you get ready to draw retirement $$ proof of marital status is required and, of course, I don't have a clue where it is. That's how I roll, but I'm trying to do better...really.

I will let ya'll know when this, too passes. It might take awhile.

^j^

pecans and poop

2011-11-13T11:10:00.000-08:00

Mama played hooky from church this morning so I checked in on her sleeping self after I counted pills. She had not slept well because of the incoming cold front and arthritis. After eggs and doughnuts, Daddy and I hit up the drug store for a giant heating pad and some naproxen. We also got her a Hoops and YoYo singing card and candy for her birthday. The pajamas will come later, before the 20th when she turns 78. Her bed is an antique high rise model with the legs cut off ( I kid you not ) so that she doesn't need a ladder to get in it. I sat on the side of her bed in the dark and we talked like we rarely get the chance to do, catching up on her state of mind and theirs collectively. So far, so good. She just hates getting up early and I figure she's been a loyal Methodist all these years and that's good enough. Besides, they don't even like the preacher.

The wind is quite gusty which is knocking off a few more pecans from the old trees. The little ones are everyfreakin' where but the big ones haven't fallen really well yet. That takes a hard freeze to snap 'em out of the hull. There are two places locally where pecans are cracked. One just cracks and bags and is downtown. Those willing to drive a few more miles to the Lowrance place can enjoyed cracked AND blown nuts. Much easier to pick out!

I find myself in a place where, honestly...I don't know what the hell to do but punt. Two of the most important people in my life have chosen not to support me right now and that really hurts. All my girlfriends can say is "bless your heart." My friend Sue mentioned one time when some catastrophe or another hit that I "had a black cloud over me." Snake bit, for sure! I was telling someone the tale again the other day about the Nigerian con man who had a bunch of shit shipped to my house to use as a drop off and mail point. That deputy honestly didn't know what to think when he saw it all laid out in the living room like dinner on the grounds. He told me to keep it. Like a dumbass, I sent it all back on my dime. I'm STILL waiting for the karma on that one. Prince Fred, as he was known, got really pissed and threatened me at work over the phone. I told him his stuff got sent back and deal with it.

Then there was the time that Old Hoss came to visit and we got stuck in the mud and I left him there to die with a bottle of Jack Daniels. Actually, I hiked two miles to call a wrecker. Dude who could "barely walk" was angrily hoofing it toward my house when we returned. Then my late precious puppy Butterbean got sprayed by a skunk in the field and Hoss wanted her to ride in the cab. I hung onto the outside of the truck and up the hill we went. He paid for the wrecker, BTW. Always a gentleman, that guy. I'll spare you the narrative about his emergency oxygen fix in Covington at Sue's tearoom.

My mother's favorite story is about how, as an infant, I decided to get artistic with the contents of my diaper on the wall. That, is where the nickname came from ya'll. What a legacy! My first blog was all about the poop and there was plenty of it. Shit is my favorite cuss word, followed closely by freakin'. Mama would die if I came out with the F word. That was my auntie's favorite guilty pleasure, coming out with it and to hell with you if you can't take it.

That's about it. Life on the lane is pretty much rinse,lather and repeat these days. And you know what? I love every second of it, drama and all because it's my life and the choice is my own whether to throw my hands up in despair or laugh about it and move on. I choose to move on.

^j^

'tis the season

2011-11-12T07:03:00.000-08:00

Well..well...well, as Oliver would say. Only followers of The Big Show would know what THAT means. Here we are just prior to Thanksgiving and already Christmas has arrived. In fact, it came right after Halloween! Of course, I only shop at the dollar store so they start early to keep the Asians manufacturers busy. This old gal won't be buying anything this year other than stuff to make things with...food, pictures or services from locals. Big Ernie would like that, I think. I just hope nobody gets killed trying to get their layaway out of wallyworld.

Occupy any street has turned into a huge messy problem for politicians and police all over the country. Scientists would say "too bad." The governments of every other country in the world have dealt with it and survived. Even a perv football coach and his harem can't compete with them for attention from folks like me who are sittin' back and watching the GOP hang themselves. At least Rick Perry has shot himself in the foot early on. That's a relief!

All I want for Christmas is world peace so it's a sure thing my stocking will be empty. On the other hand, I have found a personal peace and that's good enough. When the end of life becomes a reality instead of an abstract, peaceful moments are like gold. Next month I will begin drawing (early) a small portion of a pension that I earned from a company that employed me for twenty years. It is pledged to paying off the propane guy at last and I'm sure he'll be delighted with the cash he thought he would never see. Bless his heart, ya'll. He showed up on Christmas eve one year to deliver gas when my dumbass let it run out.

Little groups of people with buckets are appearing on the lane, looking to scoop up pecans and either sell them or eat them. Many come just for the experience, ya know? The man who passed out while picking last year won't be back...he's quite ill. Maybe I'll take him some to lift his spirits! This is the first year I haven't been out there amongst them hauling burlap bags and buckets full to be cracked and blown out. I'm reserving my energy for the Stuarts.

It's all good around here, in spite of the recent drama. Everything happens for a reason, and this too shall pass if you leave room for the spirit to work.

^j^

ladies night redux

2011-11-10T13:01:00.000-08:00

Ya'll...I dearly cherish the memories of days when I would hook up with girlfriends on a Thursday afternoon and drink dollar beer until somebody got stupid. However....I am eternally grateful to be at home with my dogs and not headed that way. I love the quiet now with very little noise except by choice like music or a favorite talk show. It's just who I am now, and I require that re-charge time to be able to (somewhat) function without heavy meds. From where I sit at the top of this hill on a pecan lined lane, I can see the other side easing toward me and mine. I also continue to marvel at the ways in which people are put into our lives for one reason or another but not forever.

I was naive when I first became a single gal, and did a lot of stupid things looking for men in all the wrong places. Many were attached and I didn't know it. All of them had issues that were complicated as hell and not acknowledged like those proverbial elephants in the room. That, I quickly found out, is a non-match for a thinker like myself. I kept my heart close for many years, not daring to really care because of trust issues. But this one...I thought was different. And it was, for a long time. When the relationship started going south, it escalated like a damn freight train and ended up with a lot of hurt feelings, mostly on MY side because I'm such a good little martyr. There were heavy end of life family issues at play and history got delved into...a history in which I had no part but for the last year. Because of the tales I've heard about Snuffy, I thought it was much longer :)

Long story short is that I know how to pick myself back up from the pain that is handing your heart to someone and having it squarely returned. Been there, done that, got a yearbook or two. After a lifetime of settling for male attention and being used as a sista' friend, I choose to be the princess for awhile...even if I have to make my own crown!

Peace and love and rock'n'roll ^j^

love the one you're with

2011-11-09T13:39:00.000-08:00

According to my ethereal friend CKH and her psychic Lorna, there is a lot of energy bouncing around the cosmos because of the upcoming full moon and the 11/11/11 thing. According to the way MY life is going, I'd say there's some Mercury retrograde action up in there somewhere as well. I mean dayum...give a girl a break! Not to bore anyone with details I'll just say that one straw would probably break this camel's back right now so I'm laying low keeping up with Herman Cain and old Linds'Lohan and feeling grateful for my infinitely small dramas.

The sawmill is adjusting to our "new normal" which has just now trickled down to the healthcare industry. Last time I looked, Greece was still standing and broke as hell. Welcome to the club ya'll. It is what it is so put on your big ~~girl~~ country panties and deal with it. Those poor brave souls who've been camping out all over the country have finally brought some reasonable answers to the eternal question of how to put some money back into the federal coffers. One suggestion that I've heard tossed around is a sort of transaction tax on every deal made in the markets. A very MINISCULE amount, by the way, of .03ish% which is negligible when calculating the huge amounts of money spent on trading and speculation. You play, you pay. It's that simple. Of course the GOP is firmly against this because, well. You know how they are! Dems aren't real wild about it either because a lot of them are rich as hell. Sounds like a plan to me.

Citizens of the great state of Mississippi made me proud to be a southerner yesterday by voting against the anti-anyabortion/birth control/in-vitro piece of legislation up for their perusal. In sports reporting terms, it was an "upset" with polls and pundits predicting that Gov. Barbour's hesitant endorsement of the definition of Personhood would end in a landslide victory. How much is THAT like playing Big Ernie???? Hat tip to the Methodist church for letting their united voices be heard in a very SB state.

And it's hump day ya'll. Can you hear me giggling?

^j^

with a little help from my friends

2011-11-06T11:35:00.000-08:00

It's Sunday so..you guessed it! Eggs and doughnuts all around following a fall-back extra hour of sleep which will take a few days to recover from. Mama said they started changing clocks at 6 last night and it was a huge ordeal. BG called me this morning to ask what time it is because evidently our cellphone carrier doesn't do that for us. How DARE them! This is the very same company with which I am about to barter mightily since they have instituted free mobile-to-any-mobile and I have continued to pay for high price minutes because why? It's just too damn much trouble to find the time to sit down with 'em on the phone and do the math. That could probably explain why I'm broke all the time.

We babysat last night for six and three year old little girls who had us both giggling in fits before it was time to go home. It was amazing to watch them settle down in our quiet floor and take to the art supplies. And then giggle some more :) Their grandma bought them a four wheeler and they like to ride here in the woods. Beautiful spot, if I say so myself. I used to go riding with a friend who had one and we took our labs with us running behind and ahead like dogs will do. Beau outweighed Faith by about twenty pounds so he was always ahead lumbering through the dirt toward another swimming adventure. He was one of the in-between guys who just didn't think I was worth the trouble. Looks like I've got another one of those to add to the list. Live and learn ya'll.

Not sure what's in the news because I'm on strike from the mainstream. I refuse to be spoon fed by institutions of higher reporting who slant their stories Well, except for HuffPost. It's just too much "me" to not devour and feed my inner liberal. Speaking of which, the dog of the lady who went missing around here was reported poisoned early last month, which just came out in the local rag. Might be a red herring, but you never know. There's a guy who has been charged with that poisoning and one other in their neighborhood.

In spite of all my pollyannaish positive thinking, winter is on the way because November is the gate through which it passes. Maybe after a couple of days of sub-freezing temps I can handle cleaning out the freezer (on the back porch, of course) that got unplugged in the summer with DEER meat in it. YUKKKKKKKKK!!!

Keep smiling ^j^

eatin' beanie weenies

2011-11-05T08:33:00.000-07:00

There is a heavy fog hanging over the lane this morning, slowly being burned away by a weak sun. As it melts, the colors become visible from the office window where I find myself pondering again. I seriously need to quit thinking so much. Sometimes I'm really envious of those who don't question things and take it as it comes. I suppose it's my inner scientist that tends to pick things apart and analyze like Dr. Drew.

Not only is the lady still missing, but a bridge jumper did his swan dive off the Missouri side. We don't have many jumpers around here...though I have sat on the giant span and let my feet dangle off thinking about how tempting it would be to somebody who has no faith or reason to hope. Which is a whole helluva' lot of folks right now. I've seen worse financial times in my life as a single gal, but this is certainly a second dip on my personal recession. The thing that's so bad is that our future hinges on keeping a car that is about to be repo'd so that BG can find a job to make money to pay off the loan. Does that make sense? Unfortunately, yes. She ran out of gas on the way home and drug me out of bed to scoop her butt off the side of the road. Gotta love eternal parenting. My borrowing power has been reduced to those friends who know I'm good on a loan whenever the ship comes in. I just hope it doesn't hit the bridge on the way to shore!

So. There ya go, ya'll. I could lay down and choose to give up right now and let other people take care of me because I'm ~~old and tired~~ trying my best to make it in a very tough world. Like my daddy says " This too shall pass."

^j^

fire!*#

2011-11-03T13:05:00.000-07:00

If I had to pick a certain day that typifies my warm fuzzy feelings about autumn, today would be it. The colors are stunning and the weather is moderate, even in the rain. While the sun glinting through leaves can be a glorious shot, sometimes the muted painting like effect of a cloudy day photo captures a mood just perfectly. Gray really rocks as a background.

I was ~~busy being productive~~ doing my ADD walkabout yesterday afternoon and barely noticed that the hay baling crew behind our house had started back up. All of a sudden I saw this thick black cloud of smoke billowing from that ridge and ran to find that the baler had caught fire and the tractor was next! Luckily Tommy jumped and ran because it wasn't his first rodeo. Occupational hazard, ya know? We see him at the doughnut shop during the summer between jobs. The fire department showed up pretty quick since they're close and that field borders the golf course. It took 'em about 30 minutes start to finish and there's not much of a black spot. The wind was blowing toward my way so I was LITTLE bit worried.

Since we have no teevee, I've been spending more time online and otherwise occupied with the quiet.. which is a very good thing, as Martha would say. The early darkness gives a nice excuse to say goodbye to what was and sleep for a solid eight hours. Otherwise, there's the movie thing. If we had any! Right now I'm seriously on a mission to figure out how to make it through the winter on a 25% tank of propane. Something tells me I'll be spending time elsewhere.

We are a small town bunch of folks here in the 'burg. There is a local middle aged woman missing who has two small girls at home waiting for word of her whereabouts. I don't know this family, but my heart goes out to all of them no matter what happened. Random crazy shit like that is what makes us think of ourselves as victims of evil. That, is probably a reasonable assumption considering all that devil talk we grew up hearing in the south.

Big Ernie is good..All the time ^j^

the lonely tree

2011-10-31T07:25:00.000-07:00

There is a single tree remaining in the field that runs from my lane down towards my parents' house. No telling how many rings are on it, and it has been trimmed time and again to allow room for farm equipment to maneuver around it. With the upcoming installation of an irrigation system, that tree is destined for the paper factory prior to next summer. I've seen many of these systems in the bottoms, gleaming in the sunlight and inching around giving the crops a drink. Now I'll get to watch one live and in person make its' way slowly up and down behind the homestead and back towards Pecan Lane.

Evidently I am caught up on ZZZs because I woke up WITHOUT an alarm before the sun came up today. Most of my pictures are made in the afternoon because I'm just not organized enough to have the camera with me *at all times* like a good photographer will. With two days off and time to burn, I see some serious picture taking around the corner. Yard play too! On this Halloween day, I am grateful beyond belief to not have a child who expects to be hauled around to the neighborhoods where they have good candy. Been there, done that many many times. We never have trick-or-treaters out here on the lane, and only once has the yard been rolled. You know who ya'll are too. I see on FB that you got it back this weekend!

The TV is officially gone and I didn't even know it for three days. Take that MSM! As long as BG has episodes of Family Guy to watch, it's all good. There are dishes and clothes to wash and dogs to be fed. Ya'll be sure and check your candy for razor blades and other such nonsense. And for pete's sake don't let the child molesters in the neighborhood creep up on you. Ahh, for the good old days.

Over and out and BOOOOOO from the lane.

^j^

and then it snowed

2011-10-29T13:47:00.000-07:00

Holy moly ya'll...is it not bad enough that the country's in the freaking toilet but NOW there's a n'easter reminding the Yankees that they may get the good stuff during summer while us crackers sit down here and sweat buckets but by golly it NEVER snows in Tennessee on Halloween. But one time that I remember, it did drop an inch or so of wet heavy blogs on the interstate between here and St.Louis on that very day. We were on the way to see Phantom at the Grand Theater on my Ky cousin's dime. We had both of her boys plus a Russian exchange student who didn't know quite what to make of the whole deal. Not sure where her hub was, just absent.

Anywho, we left late in the day and by dark the snow was so heavy that she couldn't see to drive. She THOUGHT she could, but I pitched a hissy fit with the three teenage boys in the back and told her to get a room. Right.Damn.Now. There was a dim light in the foggy flakes near Cape so we pulled up in there and everybody said "go figure." We made it to the Grand next day just in time for me to ooh and ahh over the kind of show I had never seen but her dad, my uncle Jimbo loved to his marrow. Surrounded by thick velvet curtains in that historical place was magic. I swear to this day that his spirit was with us that night when nobody killed each other and we just went to bed. He had died two years earlier from early onset super progressive prostate cancer. And the feds say that PSA isn't a "good" screening test. My Ass! By the time he knew he had it, there were bone mets with elevated enzymes found on a routine blood panel. If the PSA test and less invasive procedures like today's biopsies had been available, perhaps he would still be alive. Oh Lord...I don't know if we could handle him the mix of old people we've got perking right now. They are a hoot, pure and simple.

Then there was the year my mama actually made me a costume as a hay bale out of a box covered in burlap and straps, stuff with cotton. Even had a little cotton covered hat and I proudly won first prize at the Alice Thurmond elementary contest. Ahh...those were the days. Later in life all of my work buds would get together and dress up and get drunk all the time eating seriously unhealthy food that was somebody's specialty. Everybody hung out in the kitchen for some reason :0

Over the years, I have loved a whole boatload of people that I work with, many of them in a love/hate sort of way. You guessed it! The ones with the hook that got me every time was some evil hearted self centered guy who loved being adored. Hey...at least I can admit it. I say "I love you" easily and freely and hug a lot. When I am your friend in the truest sense, nothing is too much to ask as long as it doesn't involve money ;) Thanks to Big E, I've got friends who do have a little extra. If the politicians don't spend it all before tax refund time, my friends will be repaid. Think about that when you vote.

Meanwhile, please don't let cops give war vets concussions with grenades. Just saying.

^j^

research rocks

2011-10-28T11:31:00.000-07:00

Even on a day off, I woke up at six thirty AM eager to join my brother on a fact finding mission about our farm and the history. The heir and owner is retired now and has taken an interest in preserving the history that is his heritage. On his last trip he and my brother visited with the neighbors to pick their brains, and we did the same today following trips to the funeral home, library and courthouse. We smooth forgot that the horse had broken out during the night and was grazing in my yard. It's okay...he never goes far from the sweet feed.

Yesterday's rain clouds are moving out and the sky is a gorgeous blue background to all of the gold and red leaves that hang from every tree and vine. It's almost time for the annual cuttin' and burning of the asparagus with a dose of natural mulch for the winter. Today was payday so the propane guy gets something to let him know I'm still kicking, and the rest goes to who knows what. Probably whomever leans on me the hardest.

I still have a few hours of playtime before hitting the bed with the puppies to rest up for my weekend at the sawmill. Per trickle down economics, we are down to seeing only those who are REALLY really sick because nobody else can afford to come and visit what with the price of co-pays and such. If I visit the ER and fail to be admitted, my co-pay is a hundred bucks deducted through payroll deduction. Hmmm. Not unless I'm bleeding or dying ya'll.

Always remember who you are, and keep that sense of humor close by. It has proved invaluable to me as a sanity aid.

^j^

when all else fails....

2011-10-27T10:57:00.000-07:00

Turn to music...that's what I do when it's nasty and wet and a SAD afflicted old gal gets stuck in the house. At least it's not cold yet! Me and the doggies are curled up respectively in our nests letting the time pass by slowly. There is soup in the crock pot simmerin' and I'm listening to Adele trying to remember who I am. All the energy involved in the drama that is my life sometimes just needs to be cached by an intense hibernation. It's the girl cave theory ;)

There will be no political views expressed here today because I'm just sick and tired of all the talk and no action. If just a few of them would stand up and listen to us rather than the money, there would be no problem. The power and the greed and the self righteous attitudes are not what Big Ernie likes to see. I always think about angry Jesus flipping those tables over in the temple. Um..hmm. Watch out ya'll, there will be a day of accounting for lifetime achievements. Just saying.

"Keep the faith somewhere, my day will come. Love owes me one." Ronnie Dunn

^j^

eccentricity

2011-10-26T13:15:00.000-07:00

I never did jump on the Apple wagon even though my brother and friends did early on and have remained loyal fans. BG, of course, learned to "compute" on the model that was sold to millions of schools in the eighties. I have a very deep respect already for the writer of the Steve Jobs biography because some of the stories I've read capture the essence of a driven man. In everything from work to diet, the man was obsessed with doing his thing, whatever it might be at the time. Kind of like a four year old on a mission to do things his way...and a whole lot like my daddy at this point in time. Dayum ya'll, his OCD wears me the eff out so I can only imagine why my poor mama takes nerve pills and cries sometimes. She is learning, at the ripe old age of 78 years to finally stand UP to her man. It ain't pretty but I silently high five her every time she does it.

It's kinda quiet around here with minus one roomie. Can't say that I'm not enjoying it a little bit, either. It's bad enough when you're married to one who treats you like crap but hell to the NO on putting up with that shit when you don't have anything to lose. Sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes the bug. In times of trouble, you know who really cares.

The forecast is for an all day rain tomorrow which will suit my plans for sleeping in just fine. I can feel the need for a twelve hour nap coming on pretty quick. Hello Comedy Central, that is...if the teevee people haven't cut me off yet. Except for chosen shows, I rarely watch the MSM choosing instead to get my news from the web and my laughs and sobs from favorite shows and characters. More time to explore and play.

Speaking of which, the colors are kickass and time is wasting. Ya'll remember who you are. It's the only thing that keeps me sane at this point.

^j^

water cooler conversation

2011-10-25T13:28:00.000-07:00

If anybody had told you I'd be having a chat about the GOP presidential nominees today, I would have said "you're on drugs." HOWEVER..there is a very sweet co-worker who is so ~~republican~~ conservative that I couldn't help but ask who his fav is. We both think that Ron Paul makes the most sense with only one major policy disagreement in my book. He likes Santorum (gag) because he's a pro-marriage and family man and we both shook our heads over Rick Perry, bless his used-car-salesman heart. And then there's Newt and the new girl. She makes Palin look like a brain surgeon, if you know what I mean. He likes Cain a whole lot and my jury is still out. He has a teenage son and two cuter than pie little girls who pose for Christmas cards every year. That group is an eclectic mix of men and women who are working for the corporation, just like we are but they take the liability because malpractice reform is an oxymoron in today's world. Don't get me started on lawyers.

Elsewhere in my limited scope of vision, things are lookin' up in a "better than the valley" sort of way. Big Ernie delivered an answer to something bigger than me today in a most surprising way. No...sugardaddy didn't pay off the propane guy so save your applause for the next act. Instead, he gave me my babygirl back one more time and promised to watch over us and we dig through this life we've created together and move toward the next chapter. There are no jobs here except for factory work and some ag and construction, thanks to our proximity to the Big Muddy. The small town conservative mindset here has failed to foster economic development. Churches run our local politics and that's a very narrow view. There has been some interest in developing the area adjacent to the river downtown. There is a farmer's market and progress has been made on hiking and bike trails. It will take a lot of volunteer effort to preserve that history. I hope that it happens.

Mama'n'them seem to be maintaining, which is always a blessing. They'll have to catch a ride to breakfast with Tony next Sunday since I'll be at the sawmill. I wonder if he finds the doughnut sacks in his floorboard too. There's a special place in heaven for folks like that, ya know?

Indian summer is about to come to an abrupt halt tomorrow with a soaking rain and cooler temps. The colors still haven't peaked yet but the camera is ready complete with charged batteries. BG is out on the porch working on a shot of a gift from my dear friend Anita in Utah. One Christmas, I sent her a box of pecans in various stages of harvest from shells on to roasted with my mama's secret recipe. She repaid the kindness by hand painting a couple of mugs with a scene of our lane covered in snow.

Thanks for the karma. God is good ^j^

it is what it is

2011-10-24T15:33:00.000-07:00

And to tell you the honest to god truth, that's a very simple and valuable truth. It took me a long time to quit the whining and put on big girl panties. It was like every time horrific happened I just wanted to curl up in a little ball and give up like a woosie. If you have ever witnessed a running Stafford fit, you know that not to be true for very long. Country girls will survive and all that precious stuff! I won't ever forget the first time I saw Gretchen muddin' on a four wheeler singing Redneck Woman. In spite of all the proper southern raising, that's pretty much me.

My friend came out today for a pro-bono installation of mama's sound system. I must say, it beats the hell out of my ten dolla wallyworld shit. The new handyman came around and fixed some windows and the back door today so we're ready for winter. Except for the propane thing. If any of ya'll believe in the power of good vibes, send that one out into the cosmos, umkay? Sorry Count...we couldn't figure out your old school gift. But it's the thought that counts! The battery charger went mysteriously missing about a month ago and I found it today under the couch cushion. Big Ernie is good ^j^

trickle down to humanity

2011-10-20T13:20:00.000-07:00

We've all heard about the trickle down effect where shit hits the fan and it takes some time for it to make it to the bottom of the food chain. Thus far, Americans have been able to squeak by while the politicians and CEOs duke it out over severance packages and what to bitch about next. For twenty odd years I've watched as corporate entities took over our world and told us how it was gonna be. At first they put a pretty face on it with lots of emphasis on customer service and "growing" ideas to boost production with a smile. If I had a dime for every time I acted as goodwill ambassador for my company, I'd be retired by now. Healthcare is a service industry manned by clinical people who are paid like the middle class folks that we are, and a whole boatload of support personnel who do everything from housekeeping to food service to clerical. Many of those people whose jobs do not require a degree or certification make little above minimum wage yet the work that they do, particularly in the HIM and pre-cert areas, affect the way we get paid by insurance. I have never understood why it makes more sense to not use an LPN with experience to oversee that whole admissions/orders/coding thing rather than having someone who doesn't know shit from shinola doing a computer search for a code that works. An outdated one, I might add. Anyway, the point is that the non-depression has finally found its' way into the medical arena because nobody has the money for a co-pay. That, is sad.

Because healthcare service is a basic need like police and fire protection, we have come to expect that it will always be there and that our jobs which allow us to kinda sorta afford insurance will help us pay for it until we drop dead at work from sheer exhaustion and somebody steps over our bodies to pick up the ball. Since my roommate decided it was a little too tight around here, I have found myself once again attempting to finance a household on one salary. It's doable most of the time thanks to generous friends who help me in a pinch. I've come to recognize that most of my income tax refund (if there is one) will be used to repay those people. My borrowing options at banks is zilch because of a poor credit rating that can't be improved because I can't get credit. Ahem. Whenever I get turned down, regardless of the hit to my score, I silently thank Big Ernie for keeping me from going any further into debt. Living on cash is where it's at ya'll. Not speculation, or predatory lending.

My ex and I filed a BK in '95 that was entirely plastic debt. Vehicles and bank loans were re-affirmed and paid as agreed. Within six months I had another card. That was around the time that the financial free for all started for the American worker and I quickly learned that banks and their fees are the devil unless you've got big bucks to deposit. I, by the way, do not. That is what Occupy Wall Street is about to me....a unified cry for us as a country to get away from living that American dream of the fat cat 80's. Need I say NAFTA? Sorry Bill...I'm still a fan.

Bless their hearts, my brother and his wife gradually helped me to get back to the basics of being a steward of the land and appreciating the value of an honest barter. Hey..if times get really tough I'll trade one of the dogs...nah, the cat...for some flour! With my luck, that'll be the day the propane runs out. On Christmas eve with snow on the ground. My friend Sue's remark about the latest drama: "You have a black cloud over your head." No shit. But this too shall pass.
On my way to clock out I noticed an obviously mentally challenged patient sitting in wait for some sort of test and remembered the dude who cried because he had no shoes.

If I were still a bar hopper, this would be ladies night up in the kudzu. I wouldn't trade anything for the time I spent up there bonding with my BFFs and watching the world go by. It was an integral part of the single life that I'm glad got put behind when it did. One can only take so much bad karyokee before deciding to stay at home and play in the yard or cook. The only other bar I've had the guts to walk into alone is a mile to the south of me and one of the owners is a nurse that I work with. In both places I know that somebody always has my back.

The big chill hit us yesterday and it was one of those days that look the same from dark to dark with gray clouds hovering and cold rain falling. There was a little thunder and lightning to start with, then the ugly day. I guess if I were an optimist I'd look at it as a good opportunity to make chili or something.

Please help me keep the faith. Catch you on the flip side ^j^

men are from mars

2011-10-17T14:31:00.000-07:00

Yep, I read the book, know all about the cave and how to honor that most holy of times in which guys lay around and meditate on the meaning of life, all the while declaring that women are nags and too much trouble while they scratch their balls. I get it, umkay? And have at it, by the way. I value my alone time just like you do and if I had balls, I'd sure be scratching 'em right now. Just saying.

While I adore listening to you go onandonandonandon about your workday and old girlfriends, please have the courtesy to listen to my babble on occasion because it's what (sometimes) pays the bills and therapy is expensive. Dinner on us was a nice thing to come home to at the "shelter" where we welcomed your kids and grandchildren. When your dad died, I knew how crazy things would be but I never dreamed that you would go back. In many ways, I understand. Your entire family is grieving his death, and as the oldest son you took it like a man realizing the implications. I guess I just never figured that doing the work in the middle of this asylum would be so difficult for you.

You have helped me to learn, once again, the lessons that my father taught me about the miracle of farming and how that vocation has changed over the years. I can just picture your skinny little ass driving a tractor up onto the ferry at Heloise to float over and work in Missouri. Sam and Oscar are outside scruffing around like the boys that they are, and Faith is napping on the couch behind me. Lauren tripped over the little ones today and crashed into the living room window. No major damage, just a bunch of bloody broken glass and hurt pride. She's one of your biggest fans, by the way. But when push comes to shove? If mama ain't happy......

Ball's in your court dude. My plate is so full I can't deal with what's on it from one day to the next Years ago, when the kindly angry bitch therapist kicked my ass on a regular basis, I vowed to never again settle. That's what mama always said about how I do when somebody shows me some attention and I reckon she would know. After all, she raised me.

^j^

sins of omission

2011-10-16T11:06:00.000-07:00

I am a very trusting person, particularly with people who have never given me reason not to be. Such was the case with my most recent ex-roommate. Four years out of a divorce where the wife dumped him for somebody thirty years younger, we hooked up and he seemed to be past the worst of it. I had been single for ten and knew damn well not to even attempt anything approaching a relationship with a newbie. Transition woman was not much of a keeper, so he moved on to a single life in his parents home after they went to assisted living. His daughter and boys called it home base. He can see the place where he grew up every morning and evening, just like I can. Only his place is really FLAT. Following the May flood, he and everybody else close to river packed up and hauled ass to higher ground. For a long time! The water stood for a week, four feet into the homestead which had been moved from somewhere else in the flats.

He came to the lane with half of everything he owned stashed into the nooks and crannies of his truck and became a part of the family, now three people, three dogs and one cat. Hmm. One bed in the whole place. BG sleeps on a couch and the dogs sleep with me until they get kicked out. I don't think that will be happening anymore because of some broken trust. I am hurt beyond belief...and mad at my stupid ass self for taking a chance on somebody who obviously doesn't know what they want. But I am also very very mad, and the f word is spewing forth several times already here on the Lord's day. That, is a very good thing..it's better to be mad than to cry, unless you cry when you're mad...like I do!

I have never been chosen by a man as "the one". It's always some freak kind of thing where paths cross and we spend some time together and then they move onto somebody else because I was just "too good" to them. That's the way I roll. Take it or leave it. If you think I'm assertive now, you would have just DIED to see what a freaky little co-dependent I used to be. I'm talkin' everything had to match and stuff. My poor husband was the one who took the brunt of that before I finally discovered the joys of Prozac. I don't pretend to understand the male brain but I figure it can be pretty simply satisfied whereas women require a bit more communication to understand where they stand. Like the truth: I love you as a friend, but...."

Compared to most women, I am very low maint. I do yard work and generally entertain myself most of the time because I know who I am and what makes me happy. I love tapping on the keyboard with a candle glowing, pouring out all angst and watching me myself and I come to the conclusion that there is absoloutely nothing I can do about it, period. Big E is the one in charge. Hello step one!

After twenty four years of living on this hill, I know the landscape by memory and know that the beauty that I surrounded myself is still there, even when my eyesight goes. My parents discussed, as usual, the fact that church attendance is dwindling in the old UMC where they faithfully tromp up the aisle every Sunday. Mom was wishing she could still help with stuff and Daddy was just concentrating on eggs, toast and bacon in that order. With two chocolate doughnuts for the ride home. Some things never change.

The cotton pickin' went on WAY past dark last night and is almost a wrap. It's really cool to see the equipment at work with lights on. All of the tarps are bright pink, as if in honor of breast cancer awareness month :) Somebody with paint marks the bales by numbers and off they go to who-knows-where. Hopefully to give somebody in this country a chance at a job?

Today is the birthday of one of Mr. Billy Y's kids, Laura. He's the one who said "Always leave room for the spirit to work." I will sir, in your honor.

^j^

the queen of hyperbole

2011-10-14T12:42:00.000-07:00

This has been the kind of week where at any given moment I would stop and wonder....what day is it? How much longer until there is the freedom to let go and breathe deep???? Well Friday is here ya'll and don't let the door slap you on the butt heading out from the sawmill. I even got to leave EARLY on a Friday! Thanks guys...I'll pay you back in kind :)

We got a good soaking rain night before last and it really perked up the pots of pansies out back. There is nothing that makes me smile quicker than a pile of puppies or a big pot stuffed with pansies. The cotton picking continues now that it's dry, and soon the landscape will be brown again ready for the winter snows to blanket the rows of this year's crop. To be a farmer is to believe that the circle is unbroken and that whatever dies and leaves seed will return and multiply. Great faith lesson, ya know? Go on..kiss a farmer!

I am so totally sad that I missed not only Woodstock (since I was only 14) and now the rabble rousing on Wall Street. I double dog DARE anyone who is considering a political future to come out against this funky group. They have a right to their beliefs and are peaceful. Plus a whole helluva lot more people feel the same way but can't leave their jobs to rally. Just sayin' kids. There is a time and place for everything, and if you truly want change, turn in your inheritance and do something good with it. Otherwise, live like the rest of us...check to check. Sometimes. Barely. With overdraft fees.

Wall Street and the banking industry have thrived during the times that most of us were hard at work pursuing the American dream. My husband and I, together, grossed 80K per year and had new vehicles to haul our baby girl around and get us to work so we could pay...well, you get the picture. Following our divorce and remarriage, we filed a Chapter 7 BK and were relieved, by a federal judge, of 30 thousand bucks in credit card debt. That was in 1995 and my life changed forever. From that point on, I decided that anything I couldn't afford to pay for, I didn't need. My goal is to eventually live on what I make and manage to save a few bucks. We'll see how that goes in 2012. Predatory lending is an ugly beast, and the thing that really brought us all to ours knees. While all us schmucks were trying to figure out what happened to our "guaranteed" retirement, the big boys were sunning on a beach somewhere having drinks with little umbrellas. As Bon QuiQui would say: "Ruuude".

More family drama which I shall not bore you with but just to say that everybody needs to chill out and work together. Please. We have two very sweet old people who depend on us to keep them in their home until somebody's not able or the creek rises, whichever comes first. One of my high school classmates is hospitalized with leukemia and is receiving treatment in preparation for a bone marrow transplant. Shout out to Chuck Walden and his walking warriors with flashlights. Candles burn out too quick, ya know ;)

And that. Is what I know right now. More later ^j^

all in a day's work

2011-10-12T15:41:00.000-07:00

My job, and two peoples' vacations required that I go back to a part-time gig that I gave up years ago from sheer frustration with the whole end-of-life caregiving experience. There is nothing like oncology or radiology to say "profit driven" when speaking in terms of healthcare choices. Some cases, with a reasonable amount of luck and some divine intervention, will respond. Many times when the elderly are patients, they don't even know what's really going on. They just know "the doctor said."

I have read Dr. Ira Byock's book, in which he details his father's diagnosis with pancreatic cancer and his struggles as a good son and physician to keep it all straight. Or attempt to, anyway. Death is inevitable. Had I been born a few years earlier my life expectancy would still be late seventies. I look at my parents and their physical limitations and wonder at the sheer will to live involved to keep some sense or normalcy in their strange little world. She is blind and walks with assistance.....he's just plum freakin' OUT there most of the time with his OCD tantrums. I look into her eyes sometimes as they stare straight ahead and remember all of the things that she has seen. And I understand, every now and then, why it has to be that way.

Faith has taken up with mama which is a good thing in all our books. BG gets her to talking and mama just giggles like a kid while Faith is workin' up to a treat. What's really ironic is that she hid the tatoo (that said FAITH) from mama forever, covering it with a bandage for job interviews and letting it show in the bars while throwing darts or bending over a pool table. Hmm..like mother like daughter like daughter. Just kidding, Mom.

I spoke with an old acquaintance today about a conversation between a mutual friend about what he has accomplished as a seasoned veteran of law enforcement. He beamed as I repeated the words from this down and out street kid who sat on my porch the other day and told me all about HIS god and what's right in the world. It ain't about the money. Or the power. Or a bad hair day. It's about living life one day at a time, as if it's your last.

^j^

against the wind

2011-10-10T18:21:00.000-07:00

beatin' a dead horse

2011-10-08T12:55:00.000-07:00

As my late friend George used to say "Oh, boy!" My morbid fascination with the (all bad) news led to the discovery that the feds are ramping up to raid all of the medicinal marijuana shops in California, which is legal in THAT state, among others. Now, I totally understand that state governments don't have the ~~cash~~ borrowing power that the US government does, but mine, at least, has done a very good job on the local state levels to begin eradication of the most horrid of all drugs, meth. Feds can't deal with that because they're too busy chasing illegals and pot smokers. Nor should they. To me, this is a total waste of our money on something that will always be there and creates a terrific stream of violence because of its' prohibition and the underground trade. Millions of dollars in tax revenues for medicinal and personal use of weed could be plopped into the treasury. But bound for us...playing Big Ike and putting even more hours on the DEA payroll. Come on people! No wonder everybody's getting all riled up and staging protests. But then, some folks just never learn from history. Wonder how the country would go if just one state seceded? All of that is just to say this: Pick your battles wisely or you lose before you ever start.

It's still quite warm here with cool nights that require central AC to filter out the cotton and whatnot. As usual, we're in the middle of a long dry spell that will end with a rain that never ceases. We were one short at the sawmill today but thanks to Big Ernie there was a good crew in ER and we weren't that busy. My co-worker and I were discussing family dysfunction this morning and she brought up my grandmother's lost fortune, a nice little chunk that was left to her when my grandfather died at 45. There were three children, two older girls and a baby boy. By the time my grandma died, my mother and aunt had to pay for the funeral because there was nothing left of that vast fortune due to babyboy's love of alcohol and drugs. And no...pot was not the problem. He was big time hooked on Qualuudes and the other powerful prescription drugs of the sixties and seventies and he died at the age of 36 on my watch at the hospital. Not.Pretty. I remember watching his two little girls at the cemetery wondering how their lives would be affected by this tragic waste.

Corporate swung by yesterday afternoon while I was out chopping limbs so that was a good impression :) We are discussing the history of the farm and trying to piece it together for a book but there's a gap in the ownership history that we must track down. This community was once a thriving residential place next to the busy river. My ex husband's grandfather was murdered in a bar set right next to the banks, hidden in a cotton field. You can't make that shit up!

I'm outta here to enjoy the sunshine. Peace out kids ^j^

and so it goes.....

2011-10-07T07:27:00.000-07:00

It's been an interesting two weeks around here on the hill what with no 'puter to play with. Following an intense thunderstorm that knocked out the electricity for a couple of hours, I found to my dismay that my *beloved* old Dell desktop refused to even boot up. My friend looked at it and pronounced the mother board "fried" and when I put another tower to the whole thing, the modem was fried as well. Hmmm. ATT gladly sent me a new one for a mere 75 bucks in ten installments, so there you go. Some things are just a necessary part of life, especially when one roommate is job hunting.

Yesterday was "take your parents everywhere" day and we managed to get groceries, hair done, bank run and flu shots all by noon. Corporate is here to view the cotton pickin' which is well underway right across the lane. It is an amazing process to watch, especially considering the fact that most folks my age can remember picking it by hand with a sack on their shoulder. My BF's mother picked cotton the day he was born almost 56 years ago! What a woman.

The world is still crazy in spite of my hibernation from reality so I think I'll just stay there for awhile. It beats getting mad because some people are so damn stupid and prejudiced. My friend Drew sent me a quote from Steve Jobs which really grabbed me where I'm at these days...emotionally and physically. Every day passes by when I manage to hold onto my "inner voice" I give thanks, because that is the only way to grow and learn. When it all seems impossible, there is a path into the light.

The political scene is getting uglier by the day, and I blame both parties and the MSM. We, as a country, are struggling to survive in the worst economic times since the great depression. It did not happen overnight, rather in bits and pieces over the years of corporate greed and lack of oversight by the powers that be on every level. It's out of my hands, so I just pinch pennies and pray. At least I've got a job, even if it is the same old one I've had for 34 years.

You might be a redneck....if there's a freezer sitting on the back porch waiting to be moved. That is so typical of the way we do things around here. One day I just got tired of the thing and shoved it out the back door where it still sits. The entire house is covered with stacks of clothes and boxes and the dogs will lay on most anything other than the floor so there's plenty of hair on everything. Such is my life.

Keep the faith ya'll. It's the only way to be ^j^

that which does not kill us.....

2011-09-25T11:13:00.000-07:00

I was headed through town this morning to air up a tire and noticed an ambulance with lights flashing over by the door of the UMC. My first instinct told me to look closely and get ready for a phone call about one of my parents. When the phone didn't ring, I went on about my usual Sunday morning business of counting pills and giving allergy shots following a scrumptious breakfast. Daddy had to settle for strawberry glazed instead of chocolate doughnuts but he ate every crumb anyways. This from the man who swore off desserts years ago to keep from gaining weight. Right now he weighs a whopping 150 lbs, soaking wet...outweighing mama by about 30. They are soooooo freakin' cute together. She's finally listened to my suggestion that she might get around better with a walker than a cane. The guy who fell today was walking on TWO of 'em.

I am in one of *those* moods where I feel like everybody hates me and I wanna go eat a worm. No one thing........just a lot of little dramas that run all at the same time with their plots overlapping at times. If I wasn't already through menopause, I'd swear I've got PMS. My always happy sister, the real estate appraiser is even in the mood too. Imagine that, looking at the housing market and what a mess it's in. More government regulations have been added to "protect" against the losses caused by predatory lending practices making the job that much more tedious. I'd lose my freaking mind, but she's a detail person so she's good at it. The pool is probably closed by now, waiting for the first ninety degree day next May.

Fall allergies have hit hard, and we are suffering mightily what with all the corn dust and defoliant. I heard coyotes the other night, howling from their stomping grounds behind the hill where the dairy barn sits. In the winter, they go absolutely nuts on cold rainy nights. That's when the bird watching is really fun too. My old metal swing will be used as a hanging place for bird feeders this winter so I can watch from the office window.

Yesterday was the most gorgeous I've seen in quite some time with lots of fluffy clouds and a nice breeze. We watched the airshow down south from a parking lot by a juke joint and I was amazed. I had never seen planes flying in formation before! Of course I thought about the older guy, bless his heart, who ran into the stands out in Nevada. I was glad to be at Linda's bar ;) After that we went to Bradleytown to check on the progress of the flood mansion. If the Mississippi backwater ever gets up to THAT porch....we might as well build an ark. I remember as a child seeing houses on stilts where people got out by boat during floods, if at all. Then we stopped for a snack at none other than the Junction Cafe where the burgers are fried up fresh to order. Got caught up on all the local gossip as well.

I am what some might call world weary...sort of burned out on trying to do the right thing and always getting smacked in the face. My ex used to chuckle and me and say "Poor darlin'" when another somebody hit me with their best shot. Burnout is not a bad place to be, considering that there's nowhere to go but up again. With new ideas, new goals and new attitudes. No,ya'll. I won't be giving up the beers, and the Michelob delivery man is assured of job security. They even come in 24's now! Way to rock ABusch! The difference is that I don't run bars anymore to see people and get plastered on three dollar beer. That definitely is not in the budget. Dollar beer can be enjoyed at home also.

Autumn does this to me every year, now that I think back. And this? This too shall pass^j^

the "almost" recession and corn fed birds

2011-09-24T09:08:00.000-07:00

There is nothing like a newly cleared cornfield to draw in a whole bunch of happy birds here on the lane. With the windows open, I can hear their collective tweets as I go about the usual business of a day off. More work, only at home ;) I haven't had a dishwasher in years, which is a real challenge for people who love to cook like we do. Bleach in the wash water is a must! BG learned that in the catering biz where you are often serving a lot of folks with a bitty aluminum double sink to dump in. The laundry never ends, mostly because there are three dogs in the house and they shed a lot...thus the blankets draped over every surface. My "supposed to last for a month" air filter is ready to pitch after two weeks. And they haven't even done the cotton yet.

Okay, then. I heard yesterday that the cost of living has risen something three percent and some change. My next paycheck will reflect a 2.5% raise for being a model employee. I could be wrong, but if I'm doing the math right I'm already in the hole before I ever start up the car to go clock in. Which means, I'm paying them so that I can work there. Right? I'm resigned to it, like most everybody else. It is what it is and it ain't pretty. Over fifty percent of my daughter's age group 19-29 are unemployed. FIFTY PERCENT. That's a whole hell of a lot of people without jobs, still depending on their strapped parents for survival in this dog eat dog economy. Thank God I don't have any money in a 401K to get raped and robbed right now. Living check to check beats that.

Also in yesterday's news was that twit from Pakistan..or was it Iran? who stood up at the UN and railed against the US and everybody else for not buying into his theory of government. I finally figured out who he reminds me of...it's the bad guy in the Left Behind series. Coincidence? I think not. France and the UK, bless their hearts, got up and walked out following the US. Let's be realistic people, among that stunning lineup of rich conservative Republicans that hashed it out this week, who do you think could do any better job than the man who is in office right now? If you're a member of the GOP, you'd better be worried. This mess was inherited from your party, largely due to overspending in the military budget. Which has brought us, ten years later, to right back where we were. On the verge of chaos.

I'm hearing more and more that consumers are asking if the product is made in the USA and if not, they won't buy. This is what it will take to get our economy back in motion...a demand for American made goods. They may cost a little more, but it's worth it to put bucks back into OUR pockets. Remember that jobs thing that's on everybody's agenda right now? That would do it.

Even healthcare has turned into a for profit giant which is a real travesty. I keep up with Doctors Without Borders and they are working worldwide to eradicate disease and illness and not getting paid near what the average vascular surgeon makes. I would hug every one of them if I were there. Bless.Their.Hearts.

Now, ain't I just a little ray of sunshine today?

^j^

the american farmer

2011-09-23T14:08:00.000-07:00

As I sit here in the living room/office and look through the fifty year old windows on ropes, I am amazed and satisfied that the view still includes hard working folks who know how to maximize crop yield with minimal damage to the wildlife refuge that surrounds us. Green farming, pretty much. There are some chemicals that are necessary, but the least till dig a lot of ditches philosophy still works around here. And that? Is because of the things that my brother learned from our father about farm management. He knows it like the back of his hand.

My KY cuzin shared a recipe for tomato basil jelly that is easy to make and to-die-for delicious on bread or as a topping for baked dishes. My partners in crime at the sawmill ~~felt sorry for me~~ know how I like to skip out early on a glorious fall afternoon before a weekend off. I was chompin' at the bit but managed to be graceful...take the offer and RUN to the beer store. I know..I'm pitiful.

BG had a big fat 27th birthday she'll never forget and we're both off for the weekend to clean up from two days of cooking and no laundry done. I about choked out there in the yard awhile ago taking pictures of the corn goings on but it's cool to just walk out the door and watch. Some army helicopters landed at the airport on the other side of the golf course, probably either shipping out or delivering home soldiers. Don't even get me started on that because I'm headed for the zone where it really doesn't matter. TV land!

Muah ^j^

hard labor

2011-09-21T12:48:00.000-07:00

Twenty seven years ago today, I was back at the sawmill after a brief hiatus thinking that surely to God this baby is gonna come sometime soon because my ankles are swollen and it's hot as hell. Daddy worked third shift at the rubber plant, so I called him about 5AM two days in a row and we timed contractions on notepads that I had lifted from the hospital. The pains were sporadic and non-productive, to say the least. On the third day, I said "I give" and we proceeded to induce Lauren to the real world. Even after a water break and pit, it took twelve hours, most of which I don't remember because it's something you never forget. My co-workers rallied around celebrating her arrival with medical skills and big smiles. There was a big pizza party going on in the waiting room but I couldn't eat, so there ya go. I was busy walking the halls.

The epidural worked like a charm, so much so that I couldn't feel my legs until the next day. When the doctor mentioned forceps, I said bring 'em on. This needs to be OVER! She was already in distress, slightly meconium stained and with a head full of brown hair. How that turned to cotton top white, I'll never know. She weighed in at seven pounds even and came home down the street in a little blue calico dress that her great grandmother bought at the gift shop. To say she was spoiled is an understatement. As the first and only grandchild for a looooong time, she got her way every time she said "let's play."

The rest is a blur, but I've got pictures and memories that will never go away until I lose my mind...probably not even then. We have become partners in life from a slow and shaky start at unconditional love. During my six week maternity leave (that's all we got at the time) we would sit in the swing hanging from the front porch on Tickle and watch the cars go by, oblivious to anything other than the bonding. We took lots of naps, and still do. As we've grown older, I've seen her becoming a woman that I'm damn proud to say that I know and nurtured. We both love to cook and make a mess doing it. Each of us sees the other side of any issue, which is a rare gift indeed.

Happy birthday to Lauren, Lisa and Jack. No...that's not the cast of Three's Company. Just my favorite people who were born on that day.

^j^

in my next life

2011-09-19T16:21:00.000-07:00

My late friend Old Horsetail Snake always wanted to spend his eternity as a dung beetle so I imagine he's well on his way by now. I am, as my friend Sue says "on the back nine" so I often think about things I would do if money were no object and dreams came true. Since I never got to go to Disneyworld I don't think that's an unreasonable habit. And Disneyworld definitely ain't on the list.

At one time I dreamed of owning a nursery (the plant kind, silly.) My inspiration came from this funky little place about a mile from my house where the guy planted his own landscape and sold annuals and perennials from small outdoor greenhouses. There was even an inside "tropical" room where the babies thrived in that warm moist environment. His uncle bought the place when he went back to college to pursue a career in art, and it closed shortly thereafter. Gawdddd...I miss that place. It was like walking around in heaven on a warm spring day. I actually did the research on what it would take to build my own greenhouse but we all know how that went in the mad race of raising kids, working and generally trying to keep the boat floating. Maybe next year things will calm down enough for me to garden again. I seriously get therapy out of that, even if it's just pulling weeds.

If you ask anybody around these parts who is the best cook is in this town, many of them will name my mama. As a newspaper reporter she published weekly recipes from around the 'burg and eventually published a cookbook with the readers' favorites. All of the proceeds went to fund one of the new buildings at the county fair. For ten years now I have tossed around the idea of getting that book back into print and life has gotten in the way. If I don't do it now, with a few of my own favorites, I'll never forgive myself for not sharing. Sounds like a winter project that the roommates can help with.

I fell in love with the hospice philosophy many years ago and have actually practiced those beliefs in my daily life when chatting with friends and family. The principles of hospice care are rarely given a priority in today's society because, frankly, they don't make money. The whole thing revolves around a team of caregivers including a nurse, physician, social worker and spiritual adviser to help a dying person do what needs to be before the inevitable. Sometimes there is guilt or past issues that need to be resolved. Many times there is pain, but usually not because the drugs are carefully administered to relieve symptoms of distress while allowing the patient to remain at home with family. Our failure to accept death as a reality results in a tremendous overload on our healthcare industry and the powers that be have no real interest in doing things any other way than the one that...you guessed it..makes money. Oncologists give people hope by offering treatments that make 'em sick as dogs and hopefully kill the cancer. But not always. And they make a boatload of money. I love the healing professions, but wish that compassion was more a part of the picture these days.

I continue to take every opportunity to explore a shot with my new old camera. It's been like totally hot or flooded and every other form of extreme natural disaster around here. That's not my day job so I just do it for fun when I have the free time. Old photographs amaze me...the black and white stern attitude of families gathered together and old buildings. There's this one of my great grandmother at around age 18 sitting on a stool at the Halls TN phone exchange with a corset on. I looked just like she did back in the day, except without the 18 inch waist. I need a vacation bad. Maybe next year.

It's all good. Ya'll don't ever forget that, umkay?

obedient child

2011-09-18T17:48:00.000-07:00

Following a long hiatus, my crazy sista friend and I have re-bonded in a number of ways. As a yoga instructor and firm believer in natural remedies, she has already introduced me to a basic yoga pose that is good for the hip and lower back that pain me. I do so love it when karma throws me a kiss that way. Speaking of which, my dear sweet Mama gave me a pedicure from Angel's Crown Center for my birthday and tipped me off on who gives the best foot massage among their staff of three. I could care less about a manicure...give me some help for my poor aching dogs!

As usual, this weekend I walked my ass off in the aisles that are my home away from home at the sawmill. It dawned on me that my days are numbered up in there because I'm too old for all that physical shit and have failed to use my brain power to come up with a plan like my hero Nancy B. Papers cost about a buck now so I usually prowl the interwebs for relevant topics like why the HELL those dickheads in Congress don't just give it up and agree to term limits which is all we want. Hey...it it doesn't work out and you don't produce results that are an asset to the American way of life, you're outta there. This should not include wars related to oil rights or super powers in training. In my humble opinion, it's about homeland security and jobs for people who are willing to work when their free ride is cut off. When I look around at all the poverty in this world...and in this COUNTRY I am disgusted with how people steal and rob just to make themselves feel better: case in point...two real estate developers in the Memphis market managed to secure around 30M in bank loans with grandiose plans to build "little boxes" on farm land in northern Mississippi. Instead of putting the capital toward the project, they proceeded to buy jets and palatial homes with giant pools and tennis courts. Now THEIR lenders will have to suck it up in BK court and figure out how to keep their honest customers. Sucks to be them when the trickle down effect comes into play. They've already spent it all anyways.

Some days I feel like I'm lost in space...trying to believe in a nation that is trying its' best to believe and searching for answers when nobody cares except the ones who have the power to make our days miserable and long. But then? Something happens which seems awesomely random and it gives you the will to go on because somebody hears your voice. Usually it's not an elected politician but a trusted friend or confidante. Serendipity!

My daddy never understood why "my generation" was so against the war in Vietnam. As a child of WWII, he probably never will until we all get to heaven and agree on something or other. That's what heaven is, right?

^j^

today's word~ underemployment

2011-09-17T12:34:00.000-07:00

When BG and her friends were early teenagers I noticed that the exclamation that seemed the biggest tribute is uttering one single word. "Word!" We occasionally still use that one along with "Thank YOU!" and "I'm saying." Sometimes there's just nothing left to say so you stop talking and start praying or at least attempting to approach life in a prayerful way. That is NOT what is happening in Washington and I'm just about as pissed as I've ever been in my life. If Congress sees a running Stafford fit up in there, don't say I didn't warn 'em. The bottom line is that they aren't listening to US, the ones who elected them. They are, in some large degree, there because it makes them a lot of money or if they've already got that....a whole shitload of power to which MUCH stewardship is due as a thank you to voters. I can honestly say that I'm no longer a party member but a damn disgruntled voter who will take the time to wade through independents who have honest solid backing that doesn't include corporate USA and Wall street. I'd hate to have to go a second round with that fiasco.

I can't even remember how the week started except with high blood pressure because I ran out of meds and couldn't find anybody to see me until Friday. She did call me in some to get by and turned out to be an angel...sweet.as.pie. I got to bond with my old friend Cassie as well which is always good. She's even got her own desk and stuff! The BP was down, but not far enough yet. I guess it's true that you can't go cold turkey with something you've been on a while. I definitely felt the "rebound", and still kinda do. Not that my life is STRESSFUL or anything, right? Right. We all know better.

I was delighted to spot an old friend on a network today and found his smartass to be living in AZ still making music. He's Rvrguy who always tried to leave room for the drummer from back in my wild yahoo days. I'm glad they passed quickly! There was one other guy who became a dear friend and called me a "diamond in the rough" when he saw this farm and fell in lurrrrve with the wildlife and my cooking. The rest of 'em were just liars and cheaters. My one (and only official) date as a single gal was where I got hooked up with an older man who was just venturing out after a child's death and his subsequent divorce. To say I was petrified is an understatement. We just drove around after our meal and I cut it short. I was most definitely not ready for that. And I never have been.

For all of my patient waiting and giving up, a guy turned up on my front porch last year who is a long time friend. Four years out of a divorce, he had already done that head work and remains totally devoted to his three children plus three grandchildren. He works hard and plays crazy numbers of holes of golf, even in the snow and the dead of summer. And you know why? Because that's his passion! Somewhere along the way, I seem to have lost mine. I have always been a dreamer...and will never stop seeing life through those eyes. I am beginning to sense, in most every area of my life, that you gotta know when to hold them and know when to fold. I'm glad I waited.

Hopefully the weather will be vintage Norman Rockwell for the next month. Looking forward to October on the lane with a good camera is like waiting for Santa Claus to come. For the first time in several years, I see me having the spirit to make Christmas gifts for special people who "get it." Last year saw me scrambling to keep pace with work and family matters and the entire peace on earth deal just got rushed through to "git her done". The only bill that is delinquent now is to ~~the poor old propane guy~~ you know who. And winter comes right behind October and November on the lane. Note to self: Manage money more wisely or freeze in January.

In the words of my dear friend Marti Ann: "Let's clap hands 'cuz it's somebody's birthday!" Peace and love.

^j^

birthday and anniversary wishes

2011-09-10T10:54:00.000-07:00

I am floored that so many people took the time to wish me happy birthday in some form or fashion. I got more hugs yesterday than I've had in years and that's always a good thing. The only part left of that cake left is my head and that will be gone by tonight! That was SUCH a memaw gesture, and I pity me on the first birthday when she's not here to make it brighter. There was mucho beer as well, which is also always a good thing. Especially when one's birthday falls on a Friday before a weekend off.

Now about those anniversary MSM "tributes". Just like all ya'll I was absolutely stunned the day our country and sense of security went to hell in a handbasket fueled by jihad anger and passion. Nothing in my lifetime can compare to that day as far as sheer terror and WTF!!!!!! For about a week, our country reeled in the horror that was the WTC and Pentagon bombings followed by a courageous attempt by yet another plane's passengers to save each other and us. The people on the front lines and those who lost loved ones that day will never be the same....but then, neither will the rest of us. I will light a candle and say a prayer tomorrow asking Big Ernie not to let anger and hatred cause us to blow up the gift of mother earth. A tribute like that is bound to be heard.

It's a beautiful day in the 'hood and the dishes are done with laundry in process. Sounds like a good time to pull out the camera and do some wandering.

Love ya....mean it.

^j^

jerky

2011-09-09T18:55:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time and a couple of grandchildren ago, my brother and his wife lived at the end of our pecan lined lane. This cute little beagle pup showed up and BG promptly named him "little bow wow" because he followed her around like Cody sniffed her girlfriends. We were dog poor up here on the hill so he decided to wander his beagle self on down the road. LBW followed me up and down the lane on my walks, checking out the hay fields and dairy barn with each lap. Pure puppy heaven, ya'll. After he got adopted he became a member of their family and has been with them ever since.

T told me about him lickin' on his babygirl's toes this morning before he was put to sleep. His story was a whole like that of Butterbean...deteriorated back and paralysis. Quality of puppy life = zero. When a dog can't run and play or go potty, it's time for something different. Same with any living thing, including humans. I latched onto the philosophy of hospice care many years ago and it remains a cornerstone of my belief system. It's pretty easy to figure out that this belief is at odds with for-profit healthcare which has paid my bills for the past few years. I'm not especially proud of that, but sometimes it is what it is.

My birthday ten years ago...at 46, was punctuated with a bang with the organized attack by Muslim extremists on multiple suicide missions using planes as weapons against our financial and political districts two days after my birthday. These crazy mofos had spent years in training for the chance to say fuck you to us as a nation. Our entire economy was dependent on their output from the oil wells in those desert and mountain regions where nobody could ever hope to grow anything other than a cactus or some poppies. On some level, I understood their pain, if not their methods. As my daddy says "It has always been thus and so."

^j^

mysterious ways

2011-09-07T14:48:00.000-07:00

My daughter/roommate was fortunate to graduate from college during the worst economic times around. When the banks failed and the feds were slow to come up with her loan money during the sophomore year, it looked like it was all over. She had scholarship bucks and enough prepaid credits to go for two years. The rest was on paper. 25K owed to the feds AFTER the banks that extended those loans failed. If there is one single thing that the government could do to help stabilize the economy it is to forgive past student loans and start over. What the hell??? The whole thing has been bought and sold a hundred times.

She has had exactly three jobs which actually pertained to her field of study, all but one of them part time due to the ~~shitty economy~~ drastic trickle down of the recession to healthcare and social programs. When I read today on what some say is a "liberal" media site that the campaigns of the major GOP players are almost always funded largely by doctors, hospitals and pharmaceutical companies I almost choked. Good thing I wasn't at the lunch table with the salsa sisters yet ;)

I am exhausted in many more ways than one. Yet I still manage to enjoy the thrill of a cool afternoon on the front porch facing the sunset over Pecan Lane. We rode around and took pictures yesterday (tyvm Count Z) in the Forked Deer bottoms which has a whole heckuva lot more sand that last fall due to the big waters of May. I showed my friend where the duck blind is hidden but we passed on walking the trails along the slough. Maybe another time.

Everything's quiet for now with the grands. Let's hope it stays that way for awhile. Big hugs all around.

^j^

now where were we?

2011-09-06T13:02:00.000-07:00

Oh yeah...a cool front came through just in time for fair week and everybody's ecstatic not to have to tromp around and sweat while flirting with boys or keeping up with kids. I spent the day out there Friday taking fun random pics of people bringing in their stuff for judging and was informed that the "official" photographers met at the end of each day in the office with a full card so somebody else can edit and cut. I think not, dude. When I take a photograph, especially one with people, I know that they trust me to do the right thing and share appropriately. I haven't been sued. Yet. Years ago, I made a page for the kudzu bar and wandered around snapping pics of all the fun times there. I did the same for my brother's nightclub(s). Bev called me up one day and said that somebody who was marrying somebody didn't want their pic up in there and could I take it off. That's when the whole thing went *poof* into cyberspace. Sometimes people are funny, and not haha.

I choose not to live my life that way because, frankly, it just takes way too much energy to be pissed off or mean. I love a good hug...the longer and tighter the better. My karma tells me that every time I embrace another person or animal that way, some of their happy stuff flows into me. The reverse is true for hurt or anger..the bad things that are painful but are easier to take when shared. To me, that is unconditional love. And we all know who Love is.

BG and former roommate (aka BF who travels) and I caught an episode of "Ridiculousness" and laughed our asses off, as usual. Ditto for last night's Chelsea. I love that we share comedy together because it's just so much MORE fun when everybody gets it!! As Virgos we celebrate our birthdays in the same month and I will always remember my 29th, the one in which she was born following a lot of swelling and three days of labor. I had the usual six weeks off and we sat on the front porch swing on Tickle street watching the world go by and bonding. The dress that she wore home from the hospital was purchased from the gift shop at the hospital where my grandmother and I worked. And, yes. I still have it.

This is the first time during major elections that I've had the luxury of actually following political movements outside of the MSM that is corporate teevee. Remember, this is the middle aged smartass country girl who learned about the interwebs the hard way...self taught, so to speak. It was mandatory for the technology that my job involves and that led to new and different views on the state of our world. Thanks Al...from me AND att.

I've already had one birthday celebration at work yesterday and feel sure that the week will bring a few more. That's the really cool thing about expecting nothing. You can always be surprised.

Keep the faith ^j^

ashes to ashes

2011-09-05T15:56:00.000-07:00

Back in May of this year, the mighty Mississippi decided to do a little bit of wildwater regrouping and many MANY people lost their homes, the little communities that thrived close to the commerce there..those who know the stories of old country stores and bars with Miss Kitty lookalikes. My BF quickly became a roommate when the floodwater engulfed not only their family homeplace but his sister's house as well. Farm equipment stayed parked on the Great River road for weeks, waiting for the water to drop and planting to commence. It's very sandy there now, thanks to the big waters. The few businesses that actually have the resources to survive a flood like that will carry on with family money and a sweet deal in Lake county that involves a multi-million dollar contract to construct a river port.

We trucked it down to Bradleytown yesterday, the original home of Bob Lee's store, to check out our sister's new (almost built) house. There are doors and cabinets and paint cans on the floor so they're kicking ass and taking names to get outta' that camper and inside for the winter. The homeplace will be torn down and burned soon, just like their own home was several months ago. They are still burning chunks in the ditch out back! There's a fishing boat in my front yard which sounds mighty interesting since it's cooled off a bit. The wind is whipping away moving through the cool front that signals fair week in Dyer county.

Over and out from Pecan Lane.

time passes by

2011-09-04T11:49:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting here on exactly T-6 days from my 56th birthday listening to a very special gift from a Pennsylvania friend. Currently playing is a Kathy Mattea duet with the guy..Battle Hymn of Love. I know the female part to that one like I know the back of my hand. Way back when I plotted to do that one with my friend Billy who was doing construction at the hospital. We wowed 'em with "Achey Brakey Heart"...I'm just saying. We never got to sing that duet because he died of a massive heart attack in the tunnel under the sawmill. Forty three years old, and we had unresolved issues at the time. That's a killer...when you don't get to say I'm sorry.

We did the breakfast thing this morning and daddy almost choked on chocolate doughnuts in the back seat. Had to pull over and do a little back slapping. BG has my car so I was left to pick them up from church in her itty bitty doggie wagon. She takes all three for a ride most every day! Daddy had to sit with his new boots propped on a basket full of stuff. On a beach towel to cover the dog hair. Faith talked to mama on the phone yesterday and that just thrills her to no end. I wandered around at the check-in for exhibits at the fair yesterday and saw a lot of old friends. My mentor in all things feminist and Methodist was in for the day and we sat on aluminum bleachers while she ate volunteer food. We caught up with what's going on that's relevant. Mostly we just enjoyed sitting side by side again. I took Count Zubrovka's gift and took some pics. My favorite, and his, is the one of the stone entrance gate that was transported from uh? Forrest Street? Next to the old bus station.

Gotta run. Eva Cassidy's on and I feel some more ugly tears welling up. Love ya'll. Mean it.

^j^

mama said there'd be days like this

2011-09-02T17:13:00.000-07:00

The gal who's gonna take 6AM duty off my hands is off with a bad knee so I've been up at the asscrack of dawn the past couple of days so I can pay the bills. It seems as though Big Ernie decided that I don't really NEED a sugardaddy because my character isn't quite strong enough. Thus, the continuing saga that is Poopie's life. We're all on different hours around here so I tiptoed into the kitchen for some caffeine this morning only to find the kitchen floor covered in soapy water, dammit! Must have been the washing machine blowin' a hose or something. It was only then that I discovered the old ceramic sink with glasses floating in it. And water on the lovingly placed tiles of the counter. AND under the microwave.

By golly we saved a life today though, me and my buddies up at the sawmill. The surgeon and the anesthesiologist picked up when they came on duty and dealt with a ruptured spleen. That's a big blood sort of case, and we had what they needed thanks to donors around the west Tennessee area. I give all of them attaboys for doing what had to be done in a very serious situation. I reckon Big Ernie was at the wheel on that one because the nursing supervisor showed up to fetch the first batch and the rest of us tag teamed on the end of the case. All's well that ends well. I remember one night that didn't turn out quite like that. This man had a AAA that our vascular guy got called in on, the one with the ego. Our pathologist at the time was a Cuban who didn't have much of a backbone and demanded that I do something that I knew wasn't right. We spent 24 hours trying to fix that situation before the blood bank in Memphis called me asking what the hell we had done. I will never do that again, as long as I live no matter who says what. Fire me, umkay?

Oscar is NOT gonna like this, but it's bath time for his nasty ass. Ya'll come help if you're not busy listening to John Boehner and Rick Santorum eff with Barack Obama. If you are? You're probably not interested in doggie baths. Republicans get their dogs groomed.

^j^

it ain't over 'til it's over

2011-09-01T12:46:00.000-07:00

Summer,that is. While the Gulf coast is staring at several days worth of rain on a money making holiday weekend, our temperature is still topping out around 100 with relief in sight by Monday. Hopefully, for good until next July. That will be mighty uncomfortable for the folks who are working hard to get things ready for the Dyer County Fair. I haven't been to the fair in probably ten years, but I've been asked to take some pics to be used for fair books, displays etc and I feel obligated by my heritage to take part if asked. Both of my parents were veteran fair people giving up a week of their lives, beginning on every Labor Day, to help keep the thing running. My birthday virtually always falls during that week, this time on Friday. However..........I have celebrated the passing of many years right there at the gates where people clamor for the midway and exhibits like crackheads lookin' for a hit of junk. There is some ancient barn wood around here headed for the Sorghum village, and some to my salsa sista' so that she can display her hand beaded creations at shows. I would have never thought of that...but she jumped on it! If the weather forecast is right, by opening night the air should be clear and cool, dipping into the fifties at night.

I'm sticking to a strict regimen of meds and support during ragweed season because it's my worst problem child. BG is allergic to something that peaks in October...I don't have a clue what. We're still sifting through stuff..even my parents, going through photo albums and putting similar things together. I realized watching my BFs family how hard it is even when the whole brood pitches in because there's always drama as an undercurrent with kids and their mommas'n'daddies and death and suffering and whatnot. Oh, and independence. Sheesh! All I can figure is that pretty soon we'll be even for the three evil years they had from me :) My mother taught just enough of the social graces to be able to pull off a running Stafford fit and still seem like a "nice girl." Not many people have seen those from me, and almost always they involve justice or the lack thereof.

Our photographer at the sawmill stopped by to get some shots of different departments today so a whole bunch of us snuggled up together between analyzers to put on a happy face for the company. And really? Most of us aren't pretending. As jobs go, I'd rather work with the crew I'm with than any other I can imagine. It's a revolving door kind of thing, especially with the phlebs, watching them leave as twentysomethings and come back years later, sometimes with a degree. Knowing how to properly perform venipuncture is a valuable skill in today's workforce. For years we have trained people off the street to do the most important task in the whole process: Proper identification of patients and labeling and transport of specimens. Many new hires are graduates of PCT classes, where basic nursing skills and medical assistant type job training are a plus for an employer considering a resume.

For the life of me, I will never understand why healthy people who claim to be faithful don't take the time to donate blood anonymously. I guess it's just so random that most folks don't stop to consider the fact that 5% of the population supplies human blood for the other 95%! That's like a needle in a haystack, ya'll. I have seen their gift used wisely and sometimes wastefully, but never without saying a silent thank you to the person who rolled up their sleeves and gave it just because it's the right thing to do. I had to quit because my one vein collapsed and I'm "saving it" for my old age hospital visits.

Hope ya'll all have a safe and happy holiday. I'll be at the sawmill ~~pouting~~ with my comrades.

^j^

a tale of two co-workers

2011-08-30T14:39:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time in a land far away, I went off to the big city for school with plans to stay there, which got changed pretty quickly when ~~I broke up with~~ my college boyfriend dumped me. I returned to the 'burg and hung out at our red log cabin until I began work at the local sawmill in August of '77. My pay at that time was 3.94/hr at a county owned facility. Our administrator was a guy who had worked his way up from the lab into the corner office. The super who hired me is gone now to other places here and yon but there was a whole lot of drama with his going. Before he left, he managed to move a family member in with us who has been there ever since. They both seem to blame my current boss for his going some twenty years ago. She did nothing but pick up the ball and run with it when he lost interest and got canned. She paid her dues by going into the trenches that I was afraid to even try. I knew how hard it would be to gain the respect of an entire department and with a small child, couldn't see myself putting in the time. It was a very hard road for all of us.

Over the span of 30 plus years we have done everything from taking call while pregnant to coming to work with the flu just to avoid short staffing and heartache for somebody else that we call friend. We have birthday cakes and funeral caravans and give random warm hugs PRN. When someone leaves, they usually know that the time they've spent with us has been filled with mostly good times and a few spats. It's those never ending grudges that will kill the desire to even meet halfway. And that, is sad. I can say something good about most anybody until they do me wrong, and then? You're a big fat zero sister. Just sayin'. Don't ever forget to remember the sheep and goats story.

Still mid nineties here, the dog days of summer. There is dust everywhere from the corn down the hill, and this up next to the house will likely go in a couple more. There are scattered cotton bolls peeking out, and the virginia creeper is turning red. The cicada's song is very loud....drifting from the pecan trees over to my little house on the hill. All is well.

^j^

and then beyonce got a baby bump

2011-08-29T17:31:00.000-07:00

That was the "feel good" story today beginning a week that still includes massive flooding and damages from Irene related rainfall. I watched as one of the circa 1980 covered bridges in Vermont was washed off the base and wondered to myself. How ironic, remembering Katrina. Ron Paul, about the only one of the GOP bunch who has any sense, suggested that FEMA bow out of these catastrophes and let the states handle it thus cutting down on the sheer SIZE of federal government programs which could not possibly have enough oversight what with the opportunities to contract out their services and make a profit. Nobody knows the lay of the land like the locals.

So anyways, there's old Dick Cheney out there pimping his book and pissing off Colin Powell and a whole bunch of other people who had his back and I think it's hilarious. If I was trapped on a desert island and his was the only ~~book~~ made up bunch of lies on the island, I'd have to go for a swim. Yep. I hold a grudge, and I don't blame Dubya nearly as much as I blame Cheney and Halliburton. Keep on playing fools. Eventually, the people will speak. See: Libya

The shadows are already gathering close to my house and it's only seven o'clock. My BF and roommate lost his dad so there's funeral food in our immediate future. We have shared the best and the worst of aging parents, and wouldn't trade a million bucks for the experience. If there is a realistic plan for end of life care, we're the poster children for all kids who still HAVE kids who depend on us and cope with both ends the spectrum.

My camera is a source of joy again, this time with more bells and whistles than a point and shoot door prize could ever think about having. The first full utility bill with the new unit arrived in the "post" today and it was about 125 bucks cheaper than this time last year. Thanks ya'll...our budget needed that boost.

Ya'll call it like you see it. It usually works out, at least in my experience.

^j^

the circle of life

2011-08-28T13:18:00.000-07:00

Snuffy gave up his fight with this world today at around 1PM. His children have surrounded him for weeks now...helping their mother to cope with the pain and stress that are involved with a home death, even with hospice guiding them. His babygirl and grandaughter both have nursing experience so that's been a blessing. Dying is tough business, even if you've got all your stuff laid out, so to speak. But honest to God? Nobody ever deserves to die alone. There's just too many people in this world for that to happen. It's eerie in a hospital when caring for someone that you know is passing over. Sometimes the family is already there...usually they're called in. But sometimes the patient is elderly and has no family or caregiver. Now THAT is sad, ya'll. It has helped me, over the years, to see my vocation as a ministry of sorts.

I'm sorry to report to the sawmill bean counters that this was a very manageable weekend where nobody got really bored but we didn't bust our asses. Those days are few and far between. I brought breakfast from the doughnut place since I was missing my weekly date with mom and dad. You'd have thought I was Santa Claus or something. If in doubt, bring a box of glazed! Daddy got the leftovers.

I feel things changing..not really tilting per se ,rather a curve in the road where the bumps are still gonna be hard but experience will put them in perspective. Not that I'm old and wise and all, you know. *giggle*

Rock on folks. Life is a highway.

by any other name

2011-08-27T13:14:00.000-07:00

My legal name is what I go by when it pertains to work or business, but the rest of the time I'm just old Janie Poo Poo. I received a check, a final notice from the radiology group with which I work, and a letter all calling me a different name from either of those. I'm wondering if I can refuse based on their failure to get my name right? The check was a surprise, expected in September and needed right.damn.now to pay ATT. It was quick as lightning that we got our service back once I posted that payment. Must be a direct switch up in the process somewhere. As for the teevee, I broke down and paid it but I'm out of contract so they better be nice. I'm on a serious mission to pay off the propane guy, dentist and hand surgeon. By that time I'll probably have to have surgery on the RIGHT wrist.

I watched the early morning shadows outside the windows at work today and saw fall in every one of them. It's still hot, and it's mighty dry but the intensity of the sun doesn't seem to have the staying power that it did just a few weeks ago. Or maybe my new central unit is kicking butt and taking names! Probably a little of both. Even though my allergies are the worst from August thru November, it's still nice to feel the nip in the air that comes with shorter days and cooler nights. In my department alone, there are six or seven September birthdays so we'll all party with the big bosses one day for lunch.

I'm seeing the farm equipment in and out more frequently as the growing season comes to a close and harvest begins. Besides the combine work, there are big patches of grass to be kept trimmed so they can get in and out of the fields with the mighty green and yellow big boy toys. In my lifetime, I have seen a complete turnaround in the farming business. Back in the day farmers were paid NOT to grow a certain crop so that we could buy it cheaper somewhere else. To me, personally, that was a big part of the failure of our economy. The citizens of this country have everything we need to sustain us yet we continue to buy from other countries. I'm not a Clinton hater or anything but NAFTA was his claim to fame (along with you know who) and that's a sore spot. LEST YE THINK THAT I MIGHT BE A BLEEDING HEART COMMIE LIBERAL.

At the risk of sounding like an old-timer, I miss the simpler times. Like...really bad.

^j^

piggies in the corn

2011-08-26T14:56:00.000-07:00

Sittin' here on the verge of a major financial decision, which includes a cold turkey resolution on sat TV and the lack thereof. I watch it MAYBE two hours a week all total and the rest of the time I'm either sleeping working or computing. It's a habit, if you will and one that can be very expensive. I won't miss it a bit. I've had two days off and watched nothing but a rerun of Weeds and Chelsea. The rest of my knowledge came from the interwebs.

The corn is still not shelled yet but it's getting closer to harvest time. My ~~lawn~~ yard is dead except for a few sprigs of super bionic orchard grass, and we've had plenty of rain. I've been off for two days and ran some errands for mama and daddy yesterday. It was pretty bittersweet to stand there and watch my father cash in the treasury bonds that he purchased in the last years before he retired as a federal employee. Everybody at the bank and UPS store were just sweet as pie. I think that was in '87 when BG was just three years old.We moved here on the lane that next spring.

That was a long time ago, and we've seen a lot of drama and joy since then. People come and go into our lives, sometimes forever and sometimes just because. If you have any sort of faith at all, that's the way to look at it. I got sideways with an old friend the other day just for trying to crack a joke on a bad day for her. I totally understand. Life can be a bitch and then you die. Love ya...mean it. Today was my swan song at Gigi's pool and we did it up right in early fall breeze after some car relay duty. Love you too sista'.

I guess Irene is gonna wash away the east coast so I better check in with Jim Cantore. I'll be at the sawmill all weekend so holla if you need some blood.

^j^

little miracles

2011-08-23T14:51:00.000-07:00

I was walking through the lobby this afternoon for the tenth time and caught a glimpse of folks reporting an earthquake in New York. Huh?? "New York" I said to myself...very unusual. As it turns out that whole area of the country got rattled including my brother the weatherman who's been tracking Irene for days only to get all shook up during lunch with the fam at Basic Necessities. Go figure. He's due for some acts of nature because he misses tornado season in the south. Nestled in the valley, they get flooding and such but never wildness like a funnel cloud.

I've spent forty bucks and a bunch of oh shits trying to install new memory in my ancient PC and today was eureka! When I finally heard that soothing hum, I could have shouted out to the heavens, ya'll. Nothing is more frustrating to a writer wanna be than having to wait on the cursor to catch up with your fingers. Yes, it was that bad. The way I figure it I'll get through with my daily pontification and photo duties quicker and have more time to enjoy playing outside. If it ever gets below 90 again. I'm just saying. I'm learning, little by little, how to use the super dooper camera that JL gave me. Gigis' brother-in-law aka Precious is an avid photographer and I dropped by her house to hook up with him for some tips.

Some of you may not get this, but to me there is nothing better in this world than eating produce that was home grown. I'm not big on tomatoes but I love squash, okra, peas and potatoes. We fried up a big mess of KY okra last night and ate it hot out of the iron skillet. It's like God's way of saying "See. I told ya'll I'd provide!" I'm thinking the earthquakes and those slippery Libyan brothers are just a reminder that we better stock up on bottled water. According to the reports I've read, even if the rebels succeed in ousting the dictator, it will take a year for their oil production to boot up and there is no "go to guy" anymore. What is somebody just as crazy and evil as him gets the power? Not my problem, nor yours.

Keep on believing ^j^

love thy neighbor

2011-08-22T14:54:00.000-07:00

And who is your neighbor? In the corporate environment we are accustomed to identifying the client base and the resources available with which to do business according to current law, which tends to change capriciously day to day. In that case, your neighbor is the clients you serve and the providers who give you the means to carry out the mission, whatever that may be. In my case, it happens to be healthcare and I've got to say (without boasting, of course..that would just be rude!) that I've made a difference in a whole helluva lot of lives over the years. For the longest time I saw it as a ministry to which I was appointed by Big Ernie to do what Jesus would do. And that was BEFORE the bracelets that made somebody a whole shit load of money.

KY cousins dropped off a jar of basil tomato jelly which mama passed on so I tried it out on some toasted baguettes with parmesan and green onion. This stuff is to die for good. Maybe in my next life I can create recipes on somebody else's dime. Umhmmm. When donkeys fly. Speaking of which....I never ever thought I'd see the West Memphis three walk but I've always thought there was too much inbreeding going on in that whole deal to even begin to figure it out. It's over. Get past it. Move onto the next thing. If the judge was smart, he slapped something on them like Caysey got before she left, banning book and interview deals. With that extra stray DNA in the woods, only god knows. Two of them partied at a downtown Memphis hotel, and the other at his home trailer park in West Memphis to celebrate their release. Natalie Maines will more than likely take a whipping on this one just like she did with Dubya. And that too shall pass. Echols was a goth lookin' kid back then which was not a popular look around the 'hood. He was an easy target with his unusual appearance...one of the few outwardly dark characters in a motley crew of three.

Yes indeed, the poopster is rambling. Because I can.

^j^

mean irene

2011-08-21T11:01:00.000-07:00

Bound for the King sisters to head for a Puerto Rican vacation and get a date with Irene the future hurricane. If anything important has happened in the state of the world lately, I've been "unplugged" so to speak. I can only take so much of reality until I go lookin' for something happier and brighter. No agenda is a very good thing, and something that I'm learning to incorporate into my behavior patterns, which requires that I think short term instead of long term and deal with it as it comes. I have my favorite ways to escape, most of which are legal and usually involving play time with a camera or keyboard. My KY cousin and her hub were here for a birthday party yesterday and we all met up at the red log cabin for a quick meet and greet. I managed to bring home half a watermelon and a whole bunch of okra, squash and 'maters. The squash got cooked up just like my mama used to make it, boiled with onions and topped with buttery crackers and cheese. Ronnie and daddy took a spin on the gater, down around the slough and up to my house.

Most days, when it's cool, he'll get out and putter up and down our road visiting the neighbors which include our mayor Mozella and her peeps. The three of them, my mother included, are walking...if very slowly..history books of life on this farm. Mr. Brandon who grew up here is the other historian. There's a tiny little graveyard set to the front of his yard that I used to visit as a child. As an adult, I fell straight down the hill and TORE my freakin' hamstring while BG and I were exploring. Scared the crap outta that poor child! Fortunately she was old enough to drive me home. The entire left side of my body from the pelvis down turned black and purple. Scary stuff. It took about three months to regain complete mobility and after that I had a whole lot more respect for athletes who pull that kinda stunt.

It's almost "football time in Tennessee" which means the orange and white stuff is coming out of the closets where it's been stored since January. The kudzu bar is not officially under new management and the plans are to make it more sports bar kinda friendly so that you don't have to ~~hang~~ stand up at the bar with the guys to see the game. There used to be an old school jumbotron sort of deal back in the day. I'm sure TD will make it nice.

Happy monday eve ya'll. See you at the sawmill if not before.

^j^

carlee and me

2011-08-19T12:24:00.000-07:00

Most of BGs friends either have husbands or babies or both, so I'm easing back into the being around kids thing. My roomie has three grandchildren who tend to drop by out of nowhere for a few hours while their parents get away for a bit. Such was the case yesterday when I kept Carlee awhile so her mom and dad could go riding in the bottoms. She is about five weeks old and constipated, as all babies tend to be until they find the right food. She was fine until I fed her and all that gas backed up. Even though I got a couple of burps, it took a pacifier and her grandaddy's front porch glider to get some peace. By the time her parents pulled up with a full sunset behind them, she was out like a light. I think she loves me ;)

Most weeks I work a few days and am off for one or two. This was the deadly five day week going from weekend off to weekend off. We weren't that busy, thank goodness, because I've felt like ~~shit~~ crap all week. I figure it's a dog days cold or something. The corn is STILL there taunting me with its' green while I long to get my full view of the dairy barn back. That's a plus in the winter. The pecan trees that overhang the lane touching leaves are lush and have virginia creeper and trumpet vine all over them. It would be an excellent movie set! One visitor remarked that the arc of trees reminded him of lanes in France. It is truly a gift to drive that lane every day and watch in awe as the seasons change. The hill in front of the barn is covered with kudzu, but will soon be bare until next May. Another visitor who is a hunter is drooling to go find Bambi and her turkey friend and I have to keep reminding him that it's a "sanctuary." Ahem.

No fires on the homefront this week, which is also a blessing. My mother and I have a movie date tomorrow and I'm honestly excited about the prospect. She called today asking if I have her roasting pan. Every time she can't find something, she thinks I borrowed it! She mentioned a craving for chex mix the other day so I imagine that's her game plan. I finally decided to upgrade the memory on the old Dell and it wasn't as easy as described sooo...another friend is coming after work to help with that. God is good. All the time.

No plans other than a very looongg nap and the movie plus church duty. The rest of the weekend is mine. Ya'll get out there and make some noise. It's Friday!!!!

^j^

sixteen

2011-08-17T16:50:00.000-07:00

I was challenged by my dear friend Lori, the mother of Einstein the cutest-ever-in-the-world puggle, to write about my life when I was that age. I had to actually count up past my birth year and get out the proper annual to even remember the times....and my picture wasn't even in the damn thing! I must have been absent on picture day or something. My mama will tell you that I tended to play sick a lot. School just wasn't my thing. I liked learning, but chafed at all the rules. After all, I was a hippie. Kinda sorta. I was invisible in those days except to the people who took the time to look past the social stuff and become my friend. They ranged from potheads to class presidents. Think Donna on the seventies show except I wasn't a hot redhead. High school sororities and fraternities were still a big deal then, but I stayed away from all that except for the dances because the bands were always hot. No bakes sales on Saturday morning for this old gal.

I attended the old high school on College hill for two years before the new one got built over on the 51 By-pass. My parents went there in the forties, and the building still stands as a Y/school resource building. My daughter attended middle school there too, but by then it was ancient. There was, at one time, a big wading pool at the bottom of the hill on the left where people took their babies to splash under the watchful eye of Miss Zella, the lifeguard. Across the street sat my home church where my faithful mama and daddy dragged my butt up in there every week come hell or high water. I had to sit on a pew with my wiggly little brothers which was definitely not fun.

I kind of went to the dark side when I was about 13 or so, running around with some folks that knew a whole lot more about the streets than I did. I worked summers at the local Moose lodge as a lifeguard and our favorite times were when it rained out all the bratty kids and we raided the bar and kitchen inside. And then...we'd play spades until somebody decided to quit. My friend Lisa and I hooked up about that time through her older sister and decided that we'd better straighten our acts up and get through high school. She was a star student and I was average. She always had a dramatic flair and just the right words to get scholarships to the big university. I got one to the local community college on my high B average. We were drawn to each other at a time when we were trying to grow up and make sense of everything. Years later, we would see our friends die from their unhealthy lifestyles, many of them from HIV or Hep C. Lisa's house burned and they had to live at the Plaza motel for several months while the damage was being repaired. I thought that was just the coolest thing. My friend Kay's house burned at about that time as well. I remember walking over from Susan's house to survey the ashes. We continued to swim in that pool because it was built for us girls by Mr. Tom and Miss Ann. After the fire, they moved over on Glen Oaks. Kay found her daddy dead of a heart attack one day after school and her world changed forever.

I was in the science club and the FTA and thought about band because of Jimbo but didn't get out there with it until we moved to the new place. It had a state of the art band room, amphitheater and nice instruments and uniforms when administration had money left over from the athletic budget. Daddy is such an avid sports fan that I just took that as a given and learned to play the chimes so I could do a solo. I'm not sure in what high school gym it happened, but the melody will never leave me.

More later. XOXO

Pecan Lane

thank you for your payment

quiet time

the ten thousand dollar floors

hold my beer and watch this..

where's my refund?

one of the flock

it's a stretch

the things we do for love

things that go bump in the night

organization is the key

here's your sign

full circle

you might be a redneck

all my rowdy friends

here for the party

and the list goes on

i love it when that happens

swift justice

in the cosmos

never know 'til you try

southern exposure

you snooze, you lose

never too late

*somebody hold me*

peaks and valleys

and then there were three

alfred dunner and auld lang syne

vacation

following that star

believe

little miracles

over the river and through the woods

all is calm, all is bright

free at last, free at last

deck the halls

da' mood

if at first you don't succeed.....try, try again

next verse

virgin faith

talk to the animals

chillin'

acting as if

anticipation

okay then

in all things, moderation

just another manic monday

good karma comes calling

the next chapter

turkey talk

holiday cheer

one story at a time

oh happy day

making nice

pecans and poop

'tis the season

ladies night redux

love the one you're with

with a little help from my friends

eatin' beanie weenies

fire!*#

the lonely tree

and then it snowed

research rocks

when all else fails....

eccentricity

water cooler conversation

it is what it is

trickle down to humanity

men are from mars

sins of omission

the queen of hyperbole

all in a day's work

against the wind

beatin' a dead horse

and so it goes.....

that which does not kill us.....

the "almost" recession and corn fed birds

the american farmer

hard labor

somebody hold me