Friday, February 28, 2014

smooth operator

Sade, if you must know and I didn't until i searched the music channel that wants me to pay for phone privileges which I most likely will do. With as many people as we've got around here one needs a total escape from reality now and then. I see people driving with ear buds all the time and have to wonder if they would hear it if somebody was honking to high heaven to avoid a wreck. Blue tooth is mandatory for those on big city freeways which are, in my opinion, for the birds. I suppose you could say that I'm spoiled to the convenience of getting home in ten minutes. is short. Gotta' maximize that downtime!

I'm taking a raincheck on Booger's big party at the activity center because I need some Poopie time while they're having fun. I'll see him on his real birthday for sure. This little guy has brought so much joy to our family that I can't remember him not being around. Shannah said that it snowed the day he was born which I totally forgot but I do remember going to see them and how sweet they were. Little did I know that we'd be roommates within a year. Mysterious ways, that's how old Big Ernie works.

I'm having mixed feelings about the whole state of our union and the world which includes a whole helluva lot of anger toward the Tea party and their total lack of respect for the sacrifices that our veterans have made. The war machine has invaded every country there is that even might bear some resemblance to jihad including Asians in the 60's and Iraqis and Afghans most recently. The very men and women who are returning from that war with PTSD out the ass join the ones from Vietnam who got spit on like traitors. You wanna know where the heroin connection started? Bingo.

With that being said I'm just glad to be at home with nowhere to go. How pitiful is that? At least I'm easily entertained is all I can say. I've been double dipping back into Nurse Jackie and exploring House of Cards for recreation time outside of blog,FB and repeat. There is a dull ache somewhere down in my soul that is probably a sign of living long enough to know that life isn't fair and pain befalls each and everyone of us. HOWEVER..a haughty heart is something that God don't like, right Miss 'Nita? I'm not taking suggestions for a new brunch eatery for Sunday. As long as I can treasure that one hour when my parents and I are a family again, it's all good.

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

to whom much is given

I've gotta tell ya'll just how freakin' cold it is on this hill with the north winds blowing.I burned off a lot of the buttercups *oopsie* and the asparagus may be parched. Probably not though because it's deep in the ground. Not even a crocus to be found which is highly unusual coming into March. With my luck by May it'll be 100 in the shade with a tropical mass of humid sweaty moisture on my old ass for six months. That's what hell will be like, ya know? Ain't no backing away from that fire! It is almost Jordan's 1st birthday and there is a lot of cake and friends planned for his celebration. I've been thinking about my buddy Mahala and how hard times are for her in the holler and just wish that she had a blog fairy too. I've never known that special feeling of being truly understood by someone because of the personal nature of every single gift. And you know what? I feel sure I'll meet BF in heaven but it will be all cool and not scary....floaty!

The total lack of compassion by the majority, regardless of political affiliation, has turned us into warring tribes with the almighty dollar laid square on the table at the Temple which pissed you-know-who off enough to turn them over in a fit of Jesus rage at the injustice. That's the only time I ever remember him being really mad. The rest of the time he just kept getting disappointed and abandoned by others even though he was the worker of miracles. Basic human needs include clean water, healthy food and non-toxic farming practice to produce edibles. That way they're chemical free. He made extra wine appear at the wedding feast which I think totally rocks even though I'm a beer drinker. There are those who put Jesus on a pedestal not to be worshiped but to further their personal political agendas and that will be the death of this country.

My brother made the mistake of buying a nightclub right around the time of the housing crisis and he spent the next few years taking care of the club and working full time. I cleaned the kitchen which was the nastiest ass pile of grease you ever saw and we even managed to serve up some bologna sandwiches and fried shit from Sysco until I got tired of the party life. He followed a few years later with a large debt on his back which he handled quite honorably considering how he got screwed by the controlling partner. Said brother is headed to the Bahamas this weekend and I can't think of anybody who deserves it more. Except maybe me!


Monday, February 24, 2014

so goes the nation

I got to chat politics with one of my bosses today who would just happen to also hate the POTUS with a passion but he came off of it after awhile when we both agreed that the GOP is doing nothing to make itself look like a real contender in 2016. If they can find a woman as smart as Hillary amongst their ranks, I say serve her up but please don't go strictly by the cute.sweet.familyvalueloving.cheerleader for diehard Republicans. I can't tell you how many guys said they like Palin just because she's "hot." And she can see Russia from her house. The minute I got an up close look at that family I knew for sure they were a major chapter in dysfunction 101. Once they lost their screen value, it was back to ice hunting for her.

This is not to say that I approve of everything Obama has been about. He waited too long to make moves toward decriminalizing and the whole Mexican gang thing got out of hand. Now that they know we can "grow our own" so to speak, the cartels will collapse or kill each other. I did not approve of the corporate bailout that he orchestrated because I believe we already knew at that time a new day was coming, one in which anarchy rules and civilization rises and falls. How presumptuous of us to think that our little bitty speck of a life is worth more than someone who hasn't had the same opportunities.We have just witnessed the end of a 13 year war in which Dick Cheney made more money than could ever be spent while we sacrificed an entire generation of young people by bribing them with the good stuff and failing them in the end. The invasion of Iraq was and will always be the legacy of two presidents neither of which listened to the people even when they spoke above the noise and below the drones. Peace...give it a chance.

So my Monday was made just by meeting a conservative within spittin' distance and not feeling anger. He told me about how some wise old guy somewhere talked about the rise and fall of civilizations and tribes over the years. Yeah..I know, right? Meanwhile, my friend Mahala over there in the holler is getting bad marks at work and she's just dying to be waiting to be fired for her next typo. My experience with that particular situation, which I can say has been my life for the past year is this: Shit rolls downhill and everybody has a boss. If there's only one then you are blessed because most everybody today has a corporate family tree like you've never seen. When our generation began to take more than we gave, the next generation suffered.

Sunday, February 23, 2014


Okay now where was I going with that? It's totally the fault of my music provider because I jump around on there like a teenager changing stations to hear a particular song one more time. One of my roommates and I just had a therapeutic after church chat before I sent him away for Poopie time. Mom and Daddy and I went to the Sunday Chicken and pancakes place and to the Dairy Queen for three weeks worth of dilly bars. You'd think there was gonna be a flood or something! They are so cute now, trying not to kill each other on the way to the grave and even managing to get in lots of giggles. I think the biggest reason for all this is that she has gone her own way instead of trying to make him change. I could have told her that would NEVER work.

With each passing day I look at the world and the shape that we're in and how really very arrogant of us it is to assume that it will always be there for us in spite of bad stewardship on the part of many. By selling out to corporate, our nation has turned into one where basic rights and human needs are being denied because of a pissing contest in Washington. Big banking floated the entire false sense of security that was the housing boom and bust. We are not yet recovered as an economy, so to speak, from what happened when an entire generation lost their retirement investments while we spent billions and lost many many US lives because of the greed that is?was? Halliburton.

Here's the deal for all of you corporate types. We don't have to compete with Asian countries for manufacturing if we teach Americans the process instead of going for the cheapest way possible to produce goods. And with lead paint forgodssake! If I thought it would do any good I'd holler state's rights and plan a coup but all I see in the near future is sheeple called the tea party. All the HuffPost and DailyKos in the world can't stop that bullshit. But hey...ya'll keep trying.

And as always, keep the faith ^j^

Saturday, February 22, 2014


From time to time I have found myself whining like a little girl about how hard life is for me and my particular set of circumstances. Though I have a good job, live on a beautiful farm and still enjoy the company of my quite elderly parents, sometimes it just gets to be too much to handle and I resort to victim tactics aka the martyr syndrome. People who have this exhibit a high degree of irritability toward anyone who isn't singing their praises for being "more than enough" and a willing participant in sabotage of the whole team. If you've ever been in close contact with one (or more) of these personalities it can be downright exhausting to even pretend to care about their pain du jour. That's when it becomes necessary to let it roll off and not give that person the reaction that they crave. It's elementary psych 101. Good thing I took that in college~

I will never forget showing up at the campus of the University of Memphis as a junior pre-med tech student taking a shitload of chemistry and biology courses along with German, of all things. I passed with a D and was thankful for that. The biggest challenge was a combination of organic chemistry and quantitative analysis plus too many nights worrying about what the boyfriend was up to out there in Germantown. My mama always gave him props for sticking with me until I graduated.

Fast forward to now and you've got one pretty tired middle aged woman who is blessed beyond belief in so many ways. As a fan of Melody Beattie and Hazelden I can pretty much fake it 'til I make it now because I've seen the dark side and I prefer not to dwell on it. I'm more of a rainbow and unicorns kind of girl. The weather is outstanding so I'm off the keyboard and out into the sunshine.


Wednesday, February 19, 2014

walking in memphis

Last night's trip was quite productive and I was kind of in awe of the way that when people focus on the task at hand and deal with the emotions that come up it can be healing. There was a lot of anger and tons or remorse..but ya know? I saw both sides of addiction in action. This one precious girl who was next to me in "the circle" was sobbing so bad she couldn't read her letter to dad. Her aunt was on the other side so we helped her up to the plate and she became less of a victim and more of a boundary setter. She left the place with a piece of paper with my name on it, and a phone number. I so know how she feels.

I witnessed some real intense emotional stuff in a setting where it's easy to paint the addict as the bad guy when in reality it's always a tradeoff for something or another. Until the trauma is addressed and released, it continues to haunt. I ran into one of my least favorite kids early this morning on the way to work and she proceeded to tell me about her bad night with a bottle of Captain Morgan while walking down a country road because her sperm donor put a gun to his head. What.The.Fuck.Ever. I'd like to find that inner child and kick its' little ass! In a whiny high pitched tone of voice she pleaded with me to tell her why her mama hates her so much. And I wasn't even late for work.

Today's weather was glorious and inspired many to venture forth and do yard work and whatnot only I was mostly at work and then picking up season 4 of Nurse Jackie and the 1st of hotass badguy Kevin Spacey. It was pricey, let me tell ya' but nothing's too good for me. We have cuticle remover and fungus killer and all sorts of exotic things that won't bring world peace but will sure as hell make my life a bit less painful. As we were winding through Danny Thomas toward Poplar and our destination, I marveled at how all the magical giant centers of medicine had gathered down by the river...well, except for the Baptists who all moved East. My only visit to Beale was on a night when some fool decided to bring a gun and shoot into the crowd just when I was enjoying my steak from Doe's Place.

The busy highway that connects all points in west Tennessee is dotted with communities that have sprung up and put down roots and dollar stores all along the concrete road. Medical helicopter services work with ERs in and and around most of these facilities so that it is actually capable of reaching people before they die in the back of an ambulance from trauma. I can't IMAGINE being a first responder like that. So continuing our musical theme here, we passed the birthplaces of both Tina Turner and Isaac Hayes on the way to big Shelby. Plus a very swollen Hatchie river! Albert's cabins are still there right before Frayser and the 'hood on Danny Thomas looks new and improved. One of my favorite concerts was at the Rainbow Room at the airport Hilton featuring Ike and Tina when they were still a duo in about, 1976. I managed to make it to Mud Island for some adult concerts, but back in the day it was Coliseum or Auditorium North Hall. Doobie Brothers and Steve Martin there. If I'm lying I'm dying.

More later. Staying up past 7PM wore me out.

Monday, February 17, 2014

islands in the stream

I had every intention of making a trip south this afternoon for a funeral, but as soon as I woke up from the 12 hour nap I could tell it wasn't gonna' happen. I'm glad I got to pay my respects yesterday so that today can be for me to rest. The roomies are headed out for Austin's birthday dinner and the laundry is up to the ceiling so umm. One thing at a time honey. Daddy gets a weekly allergy shot from me and I missed yesterday so this morning he rolled up his sleeve and they gave me leftover anniversary cake that is TO DIE for. I'm talking homemade chocolate cake and cream cheese icing. Ms. Faye is an angel, no doubt. Sometimes she'll look at me and say "what are they thinking??" All I can do is shake my head and smile.

Our mayor Mozella got some cake too with instructions from my mama to share with Aunt Molly only she's back in Florida tying up loose ends for the move. Her trailer sits right where Son and Lockie's house was in front of the chicken houses and hog pens out back. My favorite thing as a kid was to gather eggs from the hen house. They also taught me about killing chickens and how they keep running with no head!! You can't buy that kind of experience, ya'll. When the backwater came up close behind the hog pens we would wade into it and catch tadpoles. Back then I wasn't afraid of Mr. Snake.

I remember the days when driving to Memphis for dinner was no big deal as long as we got back by midnight. Of course that was when I was in my twenties. As of tomorrow evening I will be back there for a visit with BG. Her dad is going too so he said he'd let me ride since the Camry is pitiful and we don't know what's up with the Cadi. It got her there but...........Yesterday I visited my auntie in the nursing home and she still didn't recognize me but really she wasn't much awake. Her course has been almost identical to my mother's earlier this year with dehydration. Sistercousin Mo is exhausted and I know the feeling. I have always worked with Alzheimer patients but it's different when it's your own family.

Booger woke up last night screaming like a banshee because he was in his own bed and didn't have a bah. I've learned to just wait 'til it's over and drift back off. The joy that he puts out most of the time is worth every minute of sleep lost. The new cast is awesome and we've all signed it with a sharpie. Thanks Dr. Olsen and staff!

Still cold and mighty grey but as my daddy said today "It's about to be spring." Yessir, Uncle Billy. It sure is. In that? I have total faith.

Sunday, February 16, 2014

one for the team

John Irby Sammons was born in Kentucky 66 years ago and the world hasn't been the same since. It takes a special kind of teacher to cross over to being a sports hero to young people and he managed to do just that. His entire career has been based on coaching and teaching for the joy of it, certainly not for the money. He later went to the "office" that oversees the schools and retired from there several years ago. As a principal he inspired greatness in teachers. And as a friend, he was the biggest soft hearted smartass that I've ever known. The kind of man that I would fall for myself! Our 36 years of life together have been filled with all kinds of ups and downs including raising our kids and working crappy shifts at the sawmill with me and the Little General. John's spirit is that of every football coach everywhere who dreams of being the star in Friday Night Lights.

One of his former students honored him today with a newspaper article about how Big John had affected him and his own vocation as sports writer. There will be speeches tomorrow and there's a big board with lots of pictures, the same ones that I've seen over the years at various family functions at the Halls UMC. Our friend Sue catered his retirement party and 10 gallons of punch turned over on the exquisitely designed cake complete with goal posts. And yes, it was in August and it was hot as hell hades. I helped serve and clean up and enjoyed looking over all of the memorabilia from Mt Vernon where he found Sharry. A KY boy himself, teaching had taken him straight to the Quaker of his life. They raised two children during those years and both have produced various offspring. I stopped by to visit the fam, whomever was available, after I left work today. I know them all and got to meet Baxter the new and improved Basset hound that sleeps by grandma's bed. He'll be staying there while JT hits the road for work. He kissed my cheek as I was leaving and I held tightly asking him to take care of his mama. "He was a great man" I said. "Big shoes to fill."

So this is for you Big. For all you did to inspire greatness.. like walking around on a hotass muddy football field running your blood pressure up. For being a good father and provider and thinker of big thoughts. I ran across the list that you gave me last summer of what ball cards are worth a buck or two and it's the oddest thing. It surfaced on the day you went to see the Heavenly lights. Touchdown, Sammons!!!!

Friday, February 14, 2014


To be perfectly honest the walls are beginning to close in around me which is kind of rare because I'm such a homebody. If I can get outside and not freeze or sweat to death, it's a lot less depressing than sitting at a keyboard beneath gray clouds and naked pecan trees. Stark, I believe is the word, as in "like the grapes of wrath", as my friend the little general says. We first met when she and her hubs moved from Illinois to raise their family here and he became a big time coach and English teacher. Big John and Little Sharry we called them. He was a massive man with a twinkle in his eye that said nothing but mischief. When I was eating ramen noodles during the summer he bought some baseball cards from me that will now go to his grandson. Sharry and I worked together for a lot of years so this is very much a work family event that will test the amount of love and devotion that we have for each other simply as children of Big Ernie. She took early retirement from the sawmill to help with his care and of their two grandchildren. The women in that family are tough and true and always stick together when it comes to the fam.

I went to see my auntie this morning but she was passed smooth out and snoring so I took a rain check. Plans were put in place and as their friend remarked "Look at it like it's a business decision and do the ethical thing." That about covers it don't you think? Healthcare for elders continues to be a pawn in the Washington smackdown on fair and balanced. Demolibtardess notwithstanding, I'm tired of all the bullshit. A whole bunch of rich and famous people have multi-million dollar contracts and we lower middle class folks just eat it up by buying their stuff and supporting their "brand". F**k that. The wealthy people that I admire are the ones who do things with their fortunes that give back and don't have a damn reality show centered on them because they did it (youknowwhoyouare).Donations are transparent and have nothing to do with religion or ethnic differences. The biggest reason I got stuck on HuffPost besides we're partners in enjoying the GOP squirm, is because of John Cusack and his series of interviews with the Wiki Leakers. He is on the board of a company that supports freedom of the press and speech in such a way that it doesn't seem all touchy feely or, well, libtard like. Love ya JC...mean it.

Financially responsible healthcare centers on prevention for some of the common killers along with a whole lot of opportunities to make money off your insurance company. They are required by the local market price to hire competent professionals to keep the boat floatin' otherwise the doors would close. I feel like there will be at least one more transfer of ownership while I'm there because D'burg is a pretty big market for emergency care and short stays. I've been privileged to have my respect for other professionals returned as they have cared for my family and me during very scary times. My ex had a heart attack at 39 and was throwing tombstones on his EKG prior to the clotbuster du jour and it was normal by the time he boarded the helicopter for Memphis and a stent.

I am qualified to speak as one who had a very good bit of practical knowledge of the ways that healthcare can be handled successfully which would consist of a lot more palliative/preventive and fewer diagnostics (for fear of the dreaded medical litigation lawyers..(.think JUST CALL SAUL!) I believe that every human has a right to be treated gently when they are sick and even more so if they are just born or dying. I believe that being raised in an environment with a loving god figure has a lot to do with why I am where I am rather than teaching school or being a librarian or something. Angel dust, so to speak. The fact that corporate executives with both big pharm and big insurance are bringing down huge bonuses really pisses me off. Same for the medical device industry and utility companies, etc.

I am holding my dear cousin/sister close today as we prepare to see out the next chapter in the history of our mamas, the Reaves girls. My favorite picture of all is one of them as children in cute hairbows and dresses and all of maybe 6 and 4. It still sort of scares me that as the elder I've outlived a couple of younger and several older cousins in spite of the fact that I'm not always living a healthy lifestyle. That scares me sometimes because I wonder how long it will take people to forget or miss me. In my heart, I know that I've done a good job and fought the good fight when necessary but mostly I'm just a live and let live kind of gal. Drama wears my old ass out.

Booger's new cast is much more user friendly and he's settling down on the crankiness at night so I'm ecstatic over that whole deal. The thing that I missed the most today on Valentine's is my mother's signature butter cookies in the shape of a heart covered in frosting. I got 'em every year without fail on their anniversary, usually on a heart paper plate. I suppose that if anybody ever loved anybody enough to forgive and forget, it's those two. Even though they now cuss each other on a regular basis at least they've learned to communicate.

Keep the faith ~

Thursday, February 13, 2014

dodging the bullet

As I wander around the interwebs and see all the lovely snow pics I am jealous tickled to be sitting here without a coat for the first day in a long long time. We're talking 50s and 60s coming up folks. Do I hear a woohoo?? After paying off propane guy with a personal loan, I have now run the bill back up to where it was prior to that payoff but at least I've been warm. This definitely has not been a winter to bank on getting by with space heaters. I actually worked up a sweat at the grocery store this morning and ran into my brother picking up stuff for the grands. They have a dual appointment with their oh so calm geriatric specialist as I type. I'm out of the loop on that and will let them catch a ride and do their own talking. Nothing that I say matters much anyway!

Wayner pointed out that I was all over the place with yesterday's post which is totally true now that I look back. All I can say is I was still under the influence of the stomach bug. Every time I coughed or bent over it felt like I was going to faint. Fun times, I tell ya. I was also dehydrated which makes you feel pretty crappy. Against all odds Booger managed to KICK his new cast right off last night when he was visiting his daddy. Back to the ER for another splint they went, and now another cast is in the works. I've never quite heard of that one but if any kid could pull it off it's him. He is absolutely the biggest bundle of fun and joy to be found when he's in his happy place. I have learned to love the Scrat Christmas movie just like him because it's 25 minutes of total silence with Ray Romano weaving magic.

It was pretty cool to wander around and buy something besides the cheapest ass essentials at the store. Thank you US Department of Treasury for being prompt. I can just hear the economy booming from my spot here on the hill in spite of Boehner and Ryan. I remember when the very first superstore came to our 'burg and I wasn't much familiar with how the Wal thing can take over and make you a slave to imported goods sold by underpaid workers with no benefits. It has been said they we are, in fact, subsidizing their work ethic by supplying their employees with federal benefits for the poor. I agree and once again I say "What the hell is wrong with you people??" To me it is no longer about who is right politically but who is doing the work of Big Ernie. I doubt he shops at the big box stores.

Meanwhile, over in the holler in North Carolina my melungeon friend Mahala is busy keeping things with her tales of co-workers and mayhem in the asylum. I know every single one of her office characters in my own workplace. Like me she is overworked, under-loved and one paycheck away from financial Armageddon yet she manages to laugh and go on. Her daughter the amazon is in and out much like my BG. Further east is my friend Judy the floral designer. My relatives in VA got a whole pile of show. And here I sit looking at blue skies. Sweet.

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

i believe i can fly

Even though I was a grownup when R Kelly did that song, I have kept it close to my heart ever since. Raised on the music of the sixties and seventies I found myself exploring different types of artists that were featured on the radio or that my daughter liked. I never did get the P Diddy and what's'his'name version of enticing an entire generation of black youth to be gangsta. When I did aerobics it was always to music and the time was well spent because I'd be all stove up by now had I not exercised early in life. I never saw the joy of running so I chose instead to walk, at one time 2.5 miles up to the top of golf course hill and back home. From my house to Samaria Bend is about 1/2 and the hill is a total bitch coming back up. Talk about your cardio! The house at the dead end has always been a sort of hit and miss kind of deal with two of the prior renters being totally opposite business partners who were a large portion of my daily life 24/7. They took turns with the hours and their kids came to visit. Josh was cute as a bug and the same age as BG and they proceeded to graffiti the basement on one particular excursion. Kinda' like what's in my own. long as I have a spot to call my own and the noise is at a low level, it's good with mama.

So I know ya'll are wondering what made my experience with the stomach bug different than everybody else's and I can't put a finger on that. The really awful part lasted about six or eight hours and I slept after that. Sammy D was trying to keep me company in the sick bed and scratched my face with his paw so now I look like an abused dog owner. JH was raised in Mississippi and his partner Russ was from east TN. Bo was a nature boy and all Rusty wanted to do was raise hell on his bike with his boys. He actually brought gloves to the hospital one Christmas for everybody who worked. You don't see that anymore in healthcare, or anywhere for that matter. Everybody's all spoiled to what they want instead of what's really important.

My aunt is hospitalized and coming back around so we're all tickled about that. There have been so many deaths and tragedies lately on top of all this inclement weather which is proof POSITIVE that global warming ain't real. With me and the conservatives, this is what's up. Shut the eff up and do your part. Anybody can be a hero right now!

Off tomorrow. Keeping the faith ^j^

Tuesday, February 11, 2014


I felt pretty good when I woke this morning after 12 hours uninterrupted so I was even a little early to the sawmill. Soon after that came miserable bouts with nausea so bad that you want to just puke and be done with it. Plus, well you know what happens on the opposite end around the same time. I made a run for home about 10, threw up a couple of times like BIG and slept for 2 hours. When I woke up it was all better. Sometimes Big Ernie has a way of getting your attention when you refuse to turn over control willingly. Knock you on your knees, so to speak.

BG just called and I caught her up with what's going on here in the 'burg, including Booger's broken ankle and my Aunt Granny's hospitalization. Mama had already told her about the horse! Her father and I will be visiting in about week to share in that experience.

Still cold but the 50s are coming so, fear not winter weary peeps. This too shall pass

Monday, February 10, 2014

maybe i'm amazed

Since there is no cable or satellite here on the lane I missed the Beatles 50th anniversary special last night. Well, I was in bed way before then, but that's beside the point. I have found with roommates that you sleep when it's quiet and not much else, except with a box fan. My pitiful little fan doesn't put out enough white noise to cover the crickets chirping! Every day is an adventure and a learning experience and I have to believe that Big Ernie put this squarely on my plate right as things were changing overall. To see my minor struggles compared to those of a young single working mother kind of puts my aches and pains into perspective. That bad shoulder with the bitch perched on the blade is giving me fits, a constant reminder that I too shall fall again. Hey..the original ice is still there. It's cold as shit and windy and more snow is in the forecast. My friend Rose in Philadelphia put it like this "If I had wanted to live in Minnesota I would have moved there." This? Is for the birds.

Booger gets his cast on today so maybe he'll be a lil' more comfy with the ankle thing. His poor mama still blames herself for falling on the ice but it's the kind of accident that happens before you know it, especially when in a hurry. If I had been holding a baby he would have gone flying across the sawmill parking lot. Tori turns 13 today and I slipped her some birthday bucks before she left for school. Her brother was pissed (surprise) because she was taking too long to get ready. Oh lord, does he have a few things to learn about women.

It's nice to see the sun even if not full on, and white clouds vs the big grey precipity ones. What? It's a word. Sunsets here are spectacular overlooking the entire farm from one or two locations. The clubhouse that I referred to the other day was to sit in the primo spot so that business executives could hob nob and play. Once upon a time my father was told that the city government was about to condemn the land on which I live to enlarge said golf course. The charge was being led by one particular guy who built a four lane road straight to the factory that he worked in. Little did they know, the owner was an attorney so he hopped a private jet and showed up at the board meeting to nix it. It always pays to research who you're trying to screw. Anywho, it never happened and a private developer built one surrounded by homes that reflect it in price, complete with pool and party house. The city course behind me stays very busy when the weather is good and the airport sits just on the other side. Once upon a flood, we drove across the runway to get home from the back way. Down by hole #2 and across the field. That's when the crackhead almost killed me in the back of a pickup...but that's a whole 'nother story. Keep the faith ya'll.

Sunday, February 9, 2014

the open gate

A guy with a backhoe came and buried old Pride yesterday, in the snow no less. I was smacked by the irony of that gate flung open just like he used to do when he figured out how to shake it loose. Down came the ancient barbed wire fencing that my daddy put in and up with something to keep that ornery old ass out of the crops. Pride was a big hit with the golf course set because they watched him from the fairways and marveled at what a life he was experiencing with little kids to groom him and lots of hay and sweet feed. I remember the day that I realized what it's like to chop water for a horse so that he can stay hydrated and I cussed a blue streak because of all the time and energy I spent trying to keep him in. I finally just let him go until it was fixed! I got lots of calls asking if I knew there was a horse in the field.'s your sign.

I knew for sure that Mom would pass on church because of the snow but there she was getting herded out by her better half towards eggs and doughnuts. He kept insisting we go to the dollar store and I steered us toward Kroger where the selection is a bit broader. Fried chicken and a new green bean recipe are on the menu this evening. Ya'll drop by if it's before 6 because that's when I've been going to bed. It's much easier to get back in the groove for work, ya'know? Booger's ankle didn't hurt so bad last night so we all got some ZZZZZZs. I'm on Breaking Bad round two and had totally missed the way that Jessie met his girlfriend at a meeting. Lots of layers ya'll.

Mama remarked on the way out that Daddy had told her to "go somewhere"(to hell) this morning like 3 times and I commented that it's not nice to tell your wife that. His reply was "Well she called me a sonofabitch!" If the shoes fits, dear by all means slip it on. Saturday is their 60th anniversary if they make it without killing each other! I've never met a man I could halfway imagine spending that many years devoted to. But that was war southern small town glory dripping with money. My mother's parents married when Gaga was just 16 and Harold a year or two older. The two of them had three children, two of them girls who were doting older sisters to their baby brother. My daddy's sisters, on the other hand, had to wipe his butt for him when he fell out of the barn loft and broke both arms as a child.

Damned groundhog.

Friday, February 7, 2014

love has no pride

The horse hasn't been out and about much lately because of the extremely cold weather choosing instead to hang on in the barn except to nibble on the hay roll or lick a hole through the ice in his trough. There was a roll delivered Tuesday and my brother stopped by to check things out the next day and noticed it hadn't been messed with so he went to the barn to find that ornery old Pride who chased many a dog and entertained scores of golfers had passed onto horse heaven. He's about 25 and was looking poorly so I guess the cold got him. Bubba said folks have been losing cows and calves left and right as well. In this part of the country, February is usually at least half pre-spring. Last year I had buttercups by this time. They are still low in the ground barely peeking through the icy soil. When we moved here there was a horse called BAbyGirl who had a son named Trapper. Pride came to live later on as a pasture rental type deal and never left. My BG came home to find Trap dead in the pasture by the mailbox one day. I remember at that time thinking that the landscape would be changing more and more often and it has. Pride grieved for a year or more over the loss of his road dog. The only out buildings that remain are the barn behind my house and the big dairy barn with silos down the road. Most of the older houses are gone with the exception of the three rentals of which two are almost a hundred. When this land was purchased by a man from St Louis who had made a fortune selling (of all things) rain gear to the US government for the soldiers during that first world war.

As tales go, the silos were built in the 20's and an elderly black man who lived across from my homeplace was in on the building of it. His family to this day still holds the land that they got from him and continue to farm and raise their families like their mamas and daddies before them. I honestly wouldn't know what to do if I couldn't look out over something as beautiful as this landscape at the beginning and end of the day. It is familiar in a way that brings comfort from knowing the sweet spots and the places to avoid where mr. snake might be lurking dangerously. The fishing hole off the river back there is where ducks live and wild things do their nature dance 24/7. The sunset bluff on which Harry's golf course was planned is still there standing tall and proud behind the special needs home at the dead end. My daddy took me fern hunting back there one day and I was overwhelmed with the flora to be found in deeply shaded areas. ALSO where mr snake lurks but I watch my step. As long as I can see my feet it's all good.

I have three days scheduled off and I'm holding my breath that somebody doesn't have a major life event because I'd love to catch up on some rest. Speaking of which I got a call from Shannah this mornin' telling me that she and Booger fell on the ice trying to get in the car and as it turns out his ankle is broken. Boo and bummer. He's been a trooper though and made several fans at the hospital in the ER, lab and radiology. Cute babies are a chick magnet, by the way.

Later ^j^

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

extreme hibernation

Day two of being phoneless has been not so bad since I was out and about and had a landline to fall back on. The trees and bushes are still dripping with ice and it plays like a bad movie with a perpetually grey background. Now if I was stocked up with essentials and didn't have to go anywhere for a week, that would be different but Noooooooooooo...there's work and whatnot. And to add insult to injury, there's no snow to make it pretty. Blair Witch scared the shit out of me simply because it was the same scene running over and an early Hunger Games mixed with Bride of Chucky. I was out here alone one night watching it and I swear I didn't sleep that night. Yeah, I know I'm a woos.

Booger's tribe is busy in the dining room their crib working on Plan F or whatever. It's been two weeks since I've seen BG and have talked to her once but recovery is serious business with no time for home sickness. Money Mike told me this afternoon that I should choose a good man for her because that's all she needs to believe again. He's Hindu, by the way so arranged marriages are all that! He never fails to treat me like a lady and friend though, which is something that not a lot of men from that country can say. It's called honor and trust. We chatted about the pains of the past and how you can't blame your choices on what happened to you because that's just one big pity party. But here's the thing...until the pain is felt and you come out on the other side safe and sound? It's just like living it all over again every day. I understand that because it took me a long time to get there the first time. It's called the first step. One of twelve.

So the cops have arrested some suspected heroin dealers in a high profile death and I have to wonder how many people could eat on what he spent for smack in a single night. I'm reality oriented like that, ya know? We have created a society where branding of talent has become means to an end as we perpetually pay our hard earned money to wear this or that because it's our team colors/logo/icon. IPhones are 99cents and Obamaphones are free. Actors get paid millions to star in roles that nobody will remember a hundred years from now. I've spent my entire life in the healthcare industry and will testify that most of the time, too much is enough. Diagnostics are a big money maker but in the end everybody dies and each individual can choose the way they go. It's what they called palliative care back in the day.


Tuesday, February 4, 2014

my ATT guy

As if to say "it ain't over yet" Murphy hit me this morning with a non-charging phone which means I'm about down to one final text to the world. I got off a little early so I stopped by the phone store because I read that they were getting rid of contracts and doing the GoPhone thing as a "reward" to their loyal customers for hanging with them through those ugly years of 2 yr contracts and online only deals. The sales rep mentioned that and explained how the whole thing works giving me a quote that comes to about 35 bucks a month less than what I'm paying now plus no contract. If you want to change providers you just pay off the phone which is eligible for upgrade every 12 months vs 18. With a huge data package that can be shared between lines and devices, it's a no brainer. UPS should deliver tomorrow unless the ice gets thick again and everybody gets stranded on the interstate overnight. Josh is a very efficient salesman and cute as a bug, the kind us granny types just want to pinch their cheeks. The other guy had serious hair and a serious attitude and I could see why they were paired up and why he chose me as a customer when serious guy could have cared less. He got the guy who wandered in with contract questions. This is what I expect from a company that has been my provider for years and years even before Verizon was born. If they would hook me up with u-verse that would rock as well but you know how it is when you're the only house in the hood with service. Um, yeah.

When we first moved here there was no satellite or cable and one year we got sat service as a Christmas gift from my parents. BG was a pre-teen and I remember she and her friend marveling at all the movies in Spanish. The first dish was huge and heavy and got trashed many years ago being placed with a smaller one mounted on the house. When I couldn't afford that 80 bucks a month I just cancelled and left it up there. They're still trying to get a couple of hundred out of me and I say to you "come and get it outta' this". It's really creepy looking around here with an inch of ice dripping off of every available surface. Several limbs are down, and I'm sure there will be more. Today's event was more rain than ice but you know how that goes. The bottom of the lane floods when it rains hard and there's already a puddle forming. The old Camry went about 40 mph around the by-pass toward home chugging along with one hubcap, three door handles and a lot of noise. All dogs were ecstatic to see me but they've settled into their after mommy comes home nap. I wonder what they do when there's nobody here?

Happy trails ya'll. Keep the faith ^j^

Monday, February 3, 2014

murphy loves poopie

As predicted we got plastered with a generous coating of ice which makes for a pretty fairyland when the sun is out but was a biatch at 6AM when I had to be at work. Without deicer, I improvised by using room temp water and vinegar and managed after 30 minutes to get into the passenger side where I could crawl over the console and behind the wheel. I lost the driver's side door handle long ago during another ice storm. Since school was out and it was early, there wasn't much traffic and I flat straddled both lanes crossing the bridges in Southtown while going no more than 25 mph on my skittish used tires. I did manage not to fall in the unsalted parking lot which is more than our CEO can say. I wish I had been there to see it!

When I woke up, even with four dogs it was a little nippy and as I suspected the propane had run out during the night. When I called propane guy he said he he had been sitting there waiting on a load for a week while lord knows who doled it out to small distributors like him. I was 8th in line stating complete outage with 70 or 80 orders unfilled. I was pretty much resigned to dealing with it like we have the past two winters when lo and behold I got a call from Shannah saying they were at the tank giving us gas to heat with. I expected 4.60/gallon and it was a bunch less so there you go...Big Ernie is good even when Murphy's on a roll.

I called mama about a heater since we were looking at an extended outage and she shared with me that she almost called me last night to tell me to "be careful out there" with that ice and whatnot. She talked herself out of it by telling herself that I'm almost 60 years old and don't need her advice because I can probably figure it out.'s the thought that counts.

I've watched as the media takes over and tells everybody how Phil Seymour Hoffman died with a needle in his arm in the midst of Ace bags of heroin. According to what I read his was a relatively recent relapse after 23 years of sobriety from opiates that started with a snort. Lots of judgement gets passed around in these cases by the "just say no" people but most of them don't know a step from a hole in the ground. My suspicion is that he became consumed with his fame of late and did what opiate addicts do...get messed up to relieve the stress and pain of not being enough. It sucks, but it's what happens sometimes.

I get to see everybody and their mama at the sawmill and I was pleasantly surprised to spend time with one of BG's elementary school teachers. I could see her struggling for a name and then it all came together. When we first divorced BG was in the 5th grade and we went together to parent teacher conference to tell her what was up. This angel of a woman actually cried over what was happening to our family. You don't see that much these days.

Sunday, February 2, 2014

eggs without doughnuts

Today is one of those that makes you remember that by February winter has gone on way too damn long. Mr. Groundhog certainly hasn't seen a shadow today because it's cold and rainy and eck. I slept for 12 hours two days in a row like a dead person and I could still use some more rest but that will come in time. Right now it looks like icy roads to the sawmill tomorrow morning. As it happened daddy and I ate breakfast with my high school biochemistry teacher who is a JFK conspiracy theorist. We cut up cats with surgical blades to learn A&P and had a funeral afterwards complete with cardboard caskets and Egyptian names for our dead felines. He says the students don't have fun anymore and neither do the teachers. I can relate.

I was in the shower last night when there was sudden darkness due to power outage and just about killed myself trying to make it to the bed. Luckily my new roomie had a candle on her dresser and it gave me enough light to navigate that way. And then, of course about the time I fell asleep, the lights came back on. Daddy and I went shopping today after breakfast and got a couple of cards and some valentine/anniversary candy that Mama is sure to enjoy. The minute we got home he took charge of the remote and stopped her show so he could "wait" for the Superbowl. Sweet baby jeebus! I was out and about and caught Joe Namath all cheesing for the cameras during pre-game and I honestly thought he was already passed on. There are more people in the great state of TN than those in CO who want Peyton to win again. We shall see how that whole thing plays out. Tell me the score over breakfast,umkay. Life will go on if the NFL folds.

I realize now that Big Ernie has had a plan for me all along and I was just too obedient and stubborn to look outside the box for answers. I've used the whiny approach which makes me miserable and causes him to just shake his head in wonder that I could be so shallow when the least of these are suffering big time. Today's internet journey found me looking at volcano pictures and searching for a new battery charger because mine's gone dead. Wind's whipping from the northwest and the screens are iced over. Looks like a four dog night for me.

Faith hope and love. Which is the greatest of these?

Saturday, February 1, 2014


Well, so much for sleeping in. I woke up at 5:30 when Booger did and dozed until time to get my errands run and come home to enjoy this gawjus weather. It's close to 50 and breezy enough to air out both the house and car. Every once in awhile the sun peeks out but it's mostly cloudy with rain on the way. Mama called and said she had a bit of a cold so I ran down there to take her some meds and Daddy asked for a ride down to Gerald's house to return the pecan pie dish. In the middle of it was a note card featuring our red log cabin in the snow. The Staffords by Floyd Speck I believe? Aunt Molly's trailer is tied down and ready to rock but she's not there yet. She's not my aunt Molly but to the Johnson's she is. I have a feeling she's about to be mine too. As we cruised down the road he told me exactly who owns each parcel which is amazing since he's 82 and has dementia. Definitely not an Alzheimer sort of thing. Gerald and Judy's place is one of several prime spots over next to the river as it winds through and around the entire farm. Awesome stuff, folks. On the way home I passed homeland security headed for the beer store.

So far no cops today on the dead end kids which is always a good thing for the 'hood. One day she had like had ENOUGH and had a bad shoulder surgery she just disappeared one day and the entire crew came up to my front porch to leave a tray with milk and a percocet. The law found her sitting in a booth at the chicken store three miles away. So they took her home and she immediately asked me to please not make a fuss and have her kids taken away even though they're all just really kind of sad. Daddy has seizure disorder and is non-compliant medwise plus draws a check. The kids used to go to school but something happened with that because the country buses don't run this road any longer.

I haven't been feeding my birds so there's really no color in my landscape at the moment. What I thought was a redbird turned out to be a dead apple from October. Granny smith, no less! The horrible brass table now sits in the middle of my flower bed in the back. The perfect place for a shade garden right under a maple tree where a barrel grill once stood surrounded by weeds. I dug up stones from the walkways around here and hauled them around back to create the beginning of the patio. It contains bricks from all over. The south side is covered by the roof over the basement steps so it's really. Depending on the season, there may be sweet feed or hay or somebody's piece of furniture or mr snake in no particular order. I'm just saying that the evil one has a lot fewer nooks to hide in now.